a Combat neuron

My nerves are trembling… I can’t even press a button. Fucking switch! If the BigEyeSpy winks at me tonight, I’ll have the third misdeed. I’ll have even bigger problems with the Council of Observation. And I’ll not be able to use my insomnia or chronic fatigue as my vindication. They’ll not believe me again. It could end with a verdict of ‘Apoptosis!’ and then it’ll really be a ‘peace-death’ for me… I should stop! I hate to yammer! I mumble, “Take this cup away from me…” and abruptly push this damned button.

A tepid wind is blowing, the oval room is wiggling… All right! I’ve connected to the Daily Dissonance. Now I’m part of the tracking system. I’m a combat neuron in the artificial neural network. I’m a good manipulator, I can control both the most powerful and the most dispensable influx… Oh! My bad! I forgot to introduce myself! Sorry! My name is Werther. I’m an operator of suicidal impulses. I must detect and actualize these impulses. And I must overwrite the instinct of self-preservation.

Today I hooked a girl. An ordinary young girl. She floundered in questions about the spread of Solidarity death and how this life looked like a Moebius strip. This endless strip was killing her, and making her weak and silly. It had to stop.

When I cut the strip my nerves did not tremble. That is why they pay me. Because I can be resolute. Because I can give my resoluteness to others.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2014

My special thanks to Cyan Ryan
for the grammar corrections and improvement this essay!

22 thoughts on “a Combat neuron”

  1. Intriguing perspective! Something that controls that “suicide switch” in the brain, or attempts to…it reminds me of something Amy Lee from Evanescence does in her lyrics sometimes, saying “Hello, I am your mind…” There certainly is more than one voice in the brain, so it’s a great idea to write from the “other” perspective.

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  2. Excellent! I believe Goethe would be proud! But the Big Eye in the night sky? Would she really comply with such sly mechanization, along with the Council of Observation? After all, what song do the stars sing that do not belong to life? Werther may be too far along in daily dissonance and disconsonance for such ambivalence. And that young girl may yet trip and find another side on which to stride… Perhaps it was never Moebius, but only her own phobias?

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    • Oh… I remember, Ry were persuading me to write a sequel. I even started to ponder the plot. But (as always) something distracted me and this idea faded. Yuck! I should revise my ‘to do’ list!
      Thank you very much, Jonathan! You gave me a magic kick 😛

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  3. Thanks so much! I emailed a few more corrections and suggestions! One of my suggestions is to continue the story, it’s amazing!

    This story reminds me of Zeromancer’s amazing song “Dr. Online”! Maybe the song can be an inspiration in the future if you do decide to continue the story of “a Combat neuron” 🙂

    “Dr. Online”
    by Zeromancer

    Everbody online ?
    It’s the beginning of the end
    You want things to go faster
    It’s the beginning of the end
    Now everything’s too slow for you
    It’s the beginning of the end
    You are one step closer
    It’s the beginning of the end
    Say amen
    1-800-SUICIDE
    Or maybe Doctor Online could help you die
    You need wings to fly
    You need someone
    To take your place
    When you are gone
    Is the beginning of the end
    You know nothing last forever
    A beginning of a trend
    You need someone there to care for you
    Is the beginning of the end
    I don’t think you understand
    Just a beginning of a flat line
    Together
    1-800-SUICIDE
    Or maybe Doctor Online could help you die
    You need wings to fly
    You need someone
    To take your place
    When you are gone
    1-800-SUICIDE
    Or maybe Doctor Online could help you die
    You need wings to fly
    You need someone
    To take your place
    When you are gone
    Thank you for calling 1-800-SUICIDE
    If you wish to self terminate by electric shock – press one
    For termination by overdose – press two
    If you would like to make a reservation at the end of our drowning pool – please press three
    For termination by hanging – please press four
    For death by self inflicting gunshot – press five
    To speak to a representative, stay online
    If you don’t wish to die – please hang up now
    1-800-SUICIDE
    Or maybe Doctor Online could help you die
    You need wings to fly
    You need someone
    To take your place
    When you are gone
    1-800-SUICIDE
    Or maybe Doctor Online could help you die
    You need wings to fly
    You need someone
    To take your place
    When you are gone

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  5. Brilliantly written, dear. It was gripping from the start to the end. Strong currents fluxed while reading this……………hope you have shock proofed it. Luckily, I am saved.
    I resonate with Alice’s comment.

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    • My lovely, dear Reva!

      Thank you! I want to admit… I always think of you when I publish such a stuff 🙂 You’re so light, so lovely, so kind person… I think that some my writings can upset you… can disappoint. But it’s a part of me.
      And I’m thankful that you take it all… ‘as is’.

      Your mixed colored Tia.

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    • Oh my Tia……..I accept you with all your bright and faded colors. I want to see you the way you are, not in the way, I want to see you. Do not tame yourself to calm me. Write your mind…………….I can face light and dark equally. Both are required to balance myself.

      I am glad to know your warm feelings towards me. I feel lucky to be part of your love.

      Loads of love to you. Reva.

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  6. My Dearest Hatter,

    OMG! This is fantastic! So horrifying, sci-fi and surreal,
    “I’m an operator of the suicidal impulses.
    I must detect and realize these impulses.
    And I must clobber the instinct of self-preservation.”
    It takes my mind so many crazy places, so out of this world! Love it, love it, love it!

    Curious,
    Alice

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