ACT 5 SCENE 3
THROUGH THE LOOKING HOLE
Set in the lounge room of a cosy three-storey tree house in an unspecified fantasy location.
TATI is sitting in a comfortable armchair. She is reading a book entitled ‘Unicorn Farts: How the Rainbow was Born’ with a serious face.
TONY wanders in, wearing a sandwich board advertising something called ‘Hole-in-the-Wall’. He turns to the reader (that’s you) and bellows…
TONY: You! Hey you! Yeah, reader! This is a hardcore sales pitch!
TATI: What the hell?
TONY: Buy our stuff! Buy it now! Buy it or die! (Well, everyone dies. Eventually.)
TONY: Just goddamn BUY our stuff so we can get filthy stinking rich and avoid paying taxes like the top one percent! Yeah. Just… YEAH.
TONY: Do it, man! And woman. Plural.
TATI: This is shit and you know it. It wouldn’t even hook a dead fish.
TATI: Take off that silly hairpiece, please. You’re not Donald Trump.
TONY: I’m only trying to spruik our new shop page.
TATI: Hole-in-the-Wall isn’t a fly-by-night pyramid selling scheme. It should be presented with dignity.
TONY: Fine. I’ll be boring then. Dear reader, Hole-in-the-Wall is our new shop page. You can find it here on Unbolt Me, and it features our first two eBooks. Eventually, we will have other stuff you can buy as well, but for now please do enjoy our literary offerings.
TONY: Oh, and our books will help you to lose weight. Maybe even get rid of dandruff and carpet stains…
TATI: Tony! Are you an idiot? Do you want to be beaten for your shameless lies?
TONY: Frickin’ women. Can never make ’em happy. Not ever.