Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas everyone!
Oh… Too soon?
Well, usually we’re two bums looking at the tail lights of Santa’s sleigh while we desperately turn out our pockets to find a pen and a sheet of paper for the letter we forgot to write him.
That’s why this year we have decided to be prepared. Like they say: “If you want to be happy, be so.” (Who actually said this by the way?)
So…
We have been a very good girl and boy during this unfestive pandemic and would subsequently like a nice gift* from you (but not a lump of coal like you gave us last Christmas, please).
Tati & Tony
*(Please make it a tiny, uninhabited island and a rad new PS5!)’
Hmmm… no. This sounds rather egoistical. And we’re pretty sure that you, Dear Reader, have also been a very good girl (or boy) this year and thus deserve a nice gift. Tell you what… how about we write a letter to Santa together? And we promise we’ll send it to the addressee when it’s done!
Oh, and what if we write the letter in the form of a lovely, rousing poem? That ought to soften Santa’s glacial heart, don’t you think? Here, we’ll begin…
Dear Mr Santypoos, how do you do?
Hope you don’t have COVID and the deer are healthy too.
So, if you want Santa to put something especially cool in your stocking this year then it’s easy! Just follow these simple, festive steps:
1) Close your eyes and recall your deepest wish.
2) Open your eyes, read the above lines of our poem in progress then submit one or two more lines of your own (even if you have a list of 1,918,223 items or somesuch try to pack this into only two lines).
3) We pick the lines we like most (especially if you’ve left us some milk and cookies with them) and we write some more lines to follow those.
4) When the letter is done, we seal it, put all your names in the envelope, and send it to Santa with the next express snowy owl.
By the way, as of this posting there are only 82 shopping days left until Christmas, so we need to hurry the eff up! Get crackin’, hoes! Ho ho ho!
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2020
unbolt me 
Dear Bar steward
You owe me three years worth of drinks and no more bars with chimneys please, I’m picking a bar you can’t escape from again! (the running total is £45.67 as of last year)
And on the subject of not delivering; why does Rudolph keep skipping my place on crimbo night, yes I clocked him in the nose but I called that hot looking female elf of unusual height and he stole her so he owes me. Then again I heard that the elf in question left him tied up in the stable with some rather humiliating clothing options; so send me the pics so I can blackmail him in future
And lastly I beg that you confess that it was you who called your wife ‘frumpy’ after that fashion disaster, she has officially blacklisted me with every mail order fashion store in range; if they ‘accidently’ send me another ‘salmon pink dress top’ instead of a man’s tux then I’m telling her about that time you crashed a certain party and… well no need to go into details, just confess
On that note I have to video chat with the Easter bunny now, he thinks the chicks are selling choc eggs at diet camps on the sly and claiming tax rebates on it again and needs help getting proof (he hasn’t noticed my flashy new laptop, camera and smart TV yet!)
Til December
A Humble Shadow
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🤣🤣🤣
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Now thanks to a quirk of quantum states,
my relative niceness is up for debate.
So while we wait to resolve that issue,
I’ll politely request for a gift or two.
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Oops! Delete for after request in the last line of the quatrain please!😊
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Will do! And thank you for making such a brilliant contribution! 🤣
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Dear Mr Santypoos, how do you do?
Hope you don’t have COVID and the deer are healthy too.
No offense, I don’t need anything you bring
But could you somehow let us skip to spring?
I get you may ignore my little bit
Just sayin’ the Easter Bunny would probably do it.
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Hee hee hee. This is brilliant! 😉
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Dear Mr Santypoos, how do you do?
Hope you don’t have COVID and the deer are healthy too.
For Christmas please bring me a Magic Torch
To help me see beyond my porch
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Yes, night comes early at this time of year! 😛
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Sure does. But it’s not only the sun or the moon’s light that gives us vision
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I’ll post my entry here 😁
Dear Mr Santypoos, how do you do?
Hope you don’t have COVID and the deers are healthy too.
Tati and Tony have been very good this year and so have the rest of us.
Please don’t forget that Harry Potter book set, hope it’s not much of a fuss
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Heh heh… That’s exactly what we’d ask for too. We’re big Harry Potter fans here! 😛
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Yay Potterheads!☺️
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Dear Santa, I’m not too haughty when I say honestly that I haven’t been incredibly naughty. Therefore, all I ask for this year is a hot body. This current one’s….well…. a little shoddy.
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I think that’s something many of us could relate to, Jane. I sure wish I had a hot body, that’s for sure. But, alas, it’s kinda like a dilapidated old pickup truck. 😛
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Maybe just very much too late?
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Quite possibly so, my friend! 😛
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With the missus’ names day coming up,
Thoughts about Santa are not on top.
Bro has his birthday on Halloween,
And we aren’t anywhere to be seen.
Then comes my anniversary,
And the devils know where we will be.
Santa’s letter will be sent away,
when we know where we will stay.
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Oh, now this is an epic contribution! Thank you very much for playing! 🙂
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Hope Rudolph’s nose is still red.
Time to wake them elves from their bed
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Ha! Nice one. Fits quite well really. 🙂
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Oh this is hilarious 🤣. And a great idea.👍
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We hope you have fun with it, Suzette! We’d love to read your contribution! 🙂
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