Oops!… We Did It Again (Unity)

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16 thoughts on “Oops!… We Did It Again (Unity)

  1. As you know I do not use strict poetic form any longer but WHEN YOU DO it makes me want to inhabit the space of your mind that can breathe life into a form and give it such wings! This is truly beautiful Tati and I rarely if ever have said that about Tanka. WOW

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wonderful Tan’ka Unblot! You mastered it, it has so much depth, and is entirely grammatically and syllabicaly correct 🙂

    It reminded me of my Kanshi poem about the mysterious mythical beasts of Daniel and Revelation at http://21shadesofblue.com/2014/07/13/lives-prolonged-for-a-season-and-a-time-kanshi-0005-02/

    I don’t remember if I told you in a previous comment, but Kanshi can be either 4 or 8 lines, but whichever is chosen, they all must have either 5 syllables or 7 syllables, and rhyme every other line (ABAB or ABABABAB format).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Ry!
      Your praise makes me thrill… I feel honored!
      No, I’ve never heard of Kanshi!
      Will I try? Of course! 🙂
      I will! I like checking harmony with algebra 🙂

      Your poem is great! But I’m confused a bit… Sorry, I should ask!

      No redeeming my dreaming?
      They’re demons beyond reason?
      A third of heaven’s legion’s
      fallen, forever evil…
      What about other beings?
      In Daniel 7, four beasts are seen
      rebelling, but seen redeemed,
      Revelation 4… worshiping!

      Is it ‘ABABABAB’?
      Probably, I don’t have a good sense of an English rhyme…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I sort of bent the rules for this one, it’s not a pure Kanshi… I almost never bend or break the rules with my poetry, so it was a bad example. I also just noticed my last line is longer than 7 syllables! You have caught me – I am a rebel poet sometimes. I know, deplorable 😛

      Here’s a better example:

      “The Lake”
      by Ry Hakari

      If you “Memento Mori”,
      you don’t forget your sunsets —
      that morning will end mourning
      Dawn draws light from dusk’s dark depths

      Do you remember me friend?
      You are ironically named —
      strangers, say less — scales balance
      familiar sounds silence raised

      From the lake, from Willow dreams,
      old memories I buried,
      empathy painful to keep —
      too treasured, temporary

      But I remember you friend,
      my Jack Frost heart, your’s Elly,
      summer-freckled winter-skin —
      Autumn’s too young to marry

      Seasonal Matrimony —
      Engedi wedding’s perfect
      ending’s family-starting…
      and too good to be true, friend

      Ruthless outside story-books —
      You cannot be my fourteenth,
      my second-seventh, childhood’s
      first can’t exist outside dreams…

      If ideal wishes became
      more than idle heart’s desires
      entertained on rainy days
      secret admirers would shine…

      “This house is full of secrets. This house smells of ghosts. Dreams that never woke, dreams that never woke…. Nightmares never spoken of. Outside the water’s black, this one won’t throw-back. A lifetime is too long, a lifetime is too long — Let’s say no more about it. Listen to me, I can only say this once. Are you listening? See these empty hands? Know that it was all for you, when I see you again, down by the lake. Sleeping beauty stirs — The whole world could be hers… but after all these years, after all these years — I’ll say no more about it. Listen to me, I can only say this once. Are you listening? See these empty hands? Know that it was all for you, ’til I see you again… Yes, I’ll see you again… When I see you again, down by the lake… This house smells of ghosts.”
      — Aqualung, “The Lake”

      Liked by 1 person

    • Oh… you’re just a poetical cheater! :))))

      Well, I’m glad that my perception isn’t very dislocated after all!
      I always listen my poems on Text-to-Speech sites 🙂 I know that something can look (for me) like a rhyme on the paper, but doesn’t sound like a rhyme. And vice versa 🙂
      English pronunciation is very artful 😉

      Thank you for sharing! A great Kanshi… a beautiful song! I recalled one of my verses…


      Liked by 1 person

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