100 WORD SKITTLE // Gravity Falls

She was at her favourite author’s book launch. Nay, he was a literary god with a cannon to launch said book into the stratosphere.

Seated in the first row, she tugged at the hem of her miniskirt and adjusted her combat helmet. A notebook was perched on her knees—her readers needed to hear about this!


Off went the cannon. Where was the book? His false teeth were hurtling into the air but… no book. This had become quite the jaw-dropping event!

She hoped she would be lucky enough to finagle an autograph and a sloppy wet kiss afterwards.

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PERFECTION IN ACTION // Operation Vexillology

“Blue is sky and yellow is wheat!”

“Nope! Yellow is sun! Blue is water!”

They glared each other down from opposite ends of the table, ready to fight. Of course, they’d need a running start—the table was so long it crossed three international time zones.

Ready, steady, GO!

Somewhere at the epicentre of that domestic warzone they suddenly noticed something. It was Putin entering the room.

When they finally left said room, they were kicking something around that looked suspiciously like somebody’s very tiny balls. And they were no longer incensed by one another’s stance on the flag debate.

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casus belli bum

yesterday there was a ruckus
in the tailless monkeys’ workshop
they were apes by any other name
but their bare rumps exposed them to shame

so the monkeys began a feverish search
for those to whom they could pin the blame
the cognitive dissonance
was strong in these monkeys’ minds
and they issued a press release
to call out the suspected beakless geese
who must have plucked the monkeys’ tails
to cover up their revealed mouth crease

then the monkeys went from words to deeds
constructed a bunch of bent clay dicks
strapped them to each startled face
of the entire beakless geese race
then the monkeys took photos of them all
and uploaded the images to myspace

happy that justice had finally prevailed
the monkeys hit the pub to celebrate
but also forgot that they’d left the kiln on
so the workshop blew high like it’d been bombed

and now the bare bum monkeys are bankrupt
with no workshop, and as for the geese? well…
…they now paint clay dicks to look like putin
and sell them off as souvenirs to ‘unfriendly countries’

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