100 WORD SKITTLE // 2021

“No, I won’t have a Happy New Year!” she declared defiantly.

Santa shrugged. “As you wish.”

The child swung her legs restlessly as he scratched his long white beard in contemplation.

“How crappy would you like it to be then?”

Her legs stopped. She began to squirm on Santa’s knee, fixing him with a quizzical eye.

“Oh, you’d like it to be agonisingly bad?” Santa lifted her off. “I understand, child. And you can stop creasing up my magic pants.” He placed the girl on the store carpet. “The elves spent all night ironing them out, you know!”

Wish granted!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2021

PERFECTION IN ACTION // Priorities 101

I studied my Christmas tree, not comprehending what was wrong with it. Something was off.

I circumnavigated it like a fretful boat on a sea that was too calm—as if expecting a kraken to suddenly breach its briny surface.

Everything was there. Shiny garlands. Christmas balls. Even a ruby star on top! So… what gave?

Then I looked at the wall. My calendar read May 23rd. I considered this… and took the calendar down.

I adjusted one of the balls then got on with my day. Who cared about dates when I was in a perfect New Year’s mood?

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2021

100 WORD SKITTLE // Sharing is Caring

His balls were huge, so she’d cut them off and stuffed them down the front of her blouse to appear bustier. Unfortunately, she now also looked hairy-chested!

On the other hand, he was admiring himself in the mirror. Her boobs—so small and smooth with a cute mole on the left one—looked appealing in place of his crotch. He couldn’t believe she’d given him permission to cut them off!

But she was dissatisfied. When asked to swap everything back, he refused. “We had a deal,” he said. “No backsies!”

And he walked away, throwing out his crotch with pride.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2021

PERFECTION IN ACTION // A Bitchin’ Assistant!

She was the best caddie ever. And not only because she carried my clubs.

She knew pin placements. Helped me locate every hole with ease. Knew how to handle my flagstick. Even cleaned my balls whenever I finished.

No idea where she’d acquired such skills, but she was a pro. I still wonder why she chose to chip in with me as my performance was rarely to par.

But she always believed in me. Whenever she flashed that smile with her long, pink tongue lolling about. Whenever she wagged that tail.

I felt like the best player on the field.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2021

100 WORD SKITTLE // Hard to Be a God

Boreas ogled me knitting his grey, shaggy eyebrows. My naked skin crawled. I hated this, but it was better than ironing his creepy snake feet.

“Why must I do this, you old pervert?”

“Because, Orithyia,” he leered, “I enjoy watching you knit clothes that I’ll never let you wear.”

“Good! I’d sooner blow my brains out!”

“So dramatic!” tutted Boreas. “Makes no difference to me.”

The phone rang.

“Yes!” I barked into the receiver. “Oh, hello Mum. Of course.” My voice softened. “Pete and I can order pizza for you. No, we’re not busy. Nothing interesting ever happens during lockdown!”

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2021