Tag Archives: Heavy metal

Sullen Earth

Is there a band whose music has been like an old friend to you down through the years? My Silent Wake has been that band for me. Hailing from the coastal town of Weston-super-Mare in England, they’ve been making doomy metal since 2005. And while the music itself may seem quite brutal and depressing, believe me when I say that it’s gotten me through some bleak times in my life.

There were many years of suicidal ideation, many years of crushing anxiety, many years of toxic religion. Throughout it all, the songs of My Silent Wake gave me a safe space in which I could unearth myself and actually breathe. I felt buried by life. I needed air. This music gave me that.

I’ve been doing much better for over a decade now, and listening to My Silent Wake these days continues to bring me joy. I feel moved by it, free because of it, maybe even a bit empowered by it. I am grateful that this band exists, and I’m grateful to all its members, past and present, who have made it what it is today. I recently shared an image I’d created with Ian Arkley—one of its founding members—as just a little thank you for… well, everything. Unbeknownst to me, he decided to set this image to the song it had been inspired by—called ‘Sullen Earth’—and put it on YouTube.

I’m grinning like a dope.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2022

Lose to Night

Sisu in the face of certain doom.

There’s no earthly reason why I should be feeling what I feel today. From when my head left its pillow my stomach kicked in. It’s a coil of snakes writhing and golloping me up inside. I can’t concentrate to work. I can’t let go and play. I can only churn times ten. I’m a tight knot waiting to unravel.

The years have seen many friends fall to this monstrosity at the middle of me. Emotionally, I’m just too high maintenance. I go out of my way to cover it up but at some point the façade crumbles. It always does. And then they see me for what I really am. And they get overwhelmed. And eventually they flee.

So now I lock myself away, waiting to unspool. Please, for the love of criminy, just let me unspool. I want to come unutterably and exhaustively undone. Can I rejoin society then? I’m scared of losing the two people I care most about in this world. I need to be safe. Or at least safe enough to handle.

It’s not about aggression. That isn’t why I sit in this room listening to my music. It’s about having something be louder than something else. I need to rumble the snakes out, to shake the bastards loose. To let heavy metal do its thing. Maybe it can save me from myself this time. No, seriously. As preposterous and overblown as that might sound—as metal might sound—just… just save me.

I hear the voices roaring from the speakers. I feel them thundering from beneath the earth, drowning out my insides. And even as I lay buried, my roiling innards will not be silenced. So I scream too, adding my voice to this cognitive and sonorous dissonance. It’s never been about aggression. It’s always been about survival. About letting people know I’m still buried down here. Sleep is so stupid and wasteful. I have to live. I want to live.

I see you, you things inside of me. God, you’re beautiful, but you’re sick. I know what you are. And I know you cannot have me. See? I’m lobbing a Molotov. I’m torching you, motherfuckers. I will not lose to night.

Yeah. Sisu. Sisu in the face of certain doom. That’s what I choose.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017