100 WORD SKITTLE // Gravity Falls

She was at her favourite author’s book launch. Nay, he was a literary god with a cannon to launch said book into the stratosphere.

Seated in the first row, she tugged at the hem of her miniskirt and adjusted her combat helmet. A notebook was perched on her knees—her readers needed to hear about this!


Off went the cannon. Where was the book? His false teeth were hurtling into the air but… no book. This had become quite the jaw-dropping event!

She hoped she would be lucky enough to finagle an autograph and a sloppy wet kiss afterwards.

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PERFECTION IN ACTION // Operation Vexillology

“Blue is sky and yellow is wheat!”

“Nope! Yellow is sun! Blue is water!”

They glared each other down from opposite ends of the table, ready to fight. Of course, they’d need a running start—the table was so long it crossed three international time zones.

Ready, steady, GO!

Somewhere at the epicentre of that domestic warzone they suddenly noticed something. It was Putin entering the room.

When they finally left said room, they were kicking something around that looked suspiciously like somebody’s very tiny balls. And they were no longer incensed by one another’s stance on the flag debate.

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100 WORD SKITTLE // Red Options

Chupacabra was reading Wikipedia again, tongue diligently poking out. She was determined to rope Goat into a relationship. Research would be the key to success.

When said research indicated the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, she decided to make some borscht. All she needed were the ingredients—primarily red beetroots. Time to go shopping!

However, there was a clearance sale on lipsticks, so Chupacabra got side-tracked trying to pick the right red shade for her comely lips. After all, there were easier ways to get a man. She’d not been dubbed the ‘Goat Sucker’ for nothing!

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DOLLY MIXTURE (With Love to Women) // A Lobster Candy 100 Word Skittle

And he said, “For you, my Daughter, I have the best gift. An unique one. You’ll have the voice of a siren.”

“But I am a siren, Father!” Confusion was writ across her face. “I lured a bonny sailor to his death this very morn!”

“It adds not to one’s fame to send men to their doom. Try to save at least one life to tell the two things apart.”

And so her voice sounded like a warning siren from that day forth. And she saved many men from burning houses in the middle of the ocean. It was weird.

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100 WORD SKITTLE // Once Upon a Lent

God spake to me in a dream. “Arise, my son. Hasten thee to the kitchen!”

I arose. I did hasten me to the kitchen. At the fridge I did pray, “What now, Lord?”

“Bratwursts be Satan’s handiwork. Thou must cleanst thine abode of these sin sausages via fasting and supplication! And maybe a bin.”

But I ateth my filleth of them—did it matter anyway how evil be conquered? Still, I did fell to the floor in bloat and faint.

“Forgive me, Lord! Save me from your wrath! (And excess pounds…) I only did this in your Name after all!”

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