100 WORD SKITTLE // McDhamma® Nooky

The tiny Buddhas are wailing in full force tonight. I can hear them in the jungle, calling for Ganesha their master. But Ganesha is busy. He’s making goo-goo eyes at a pretty, young dibbler in the McDonalds next door. He’s ordering two McBuddhas® and some ghee in milk. I think he’s hoping to score.

Meanwhile, I’m laying here with a pillow over my head, trying to sleep. The tiny Buddhas are fucking deafening. The pairing of incessant wailing with that rusty sound from my neighbors’ bedroom window has become a serious contender for ‘Best Worst Lullaby’ at this year’s Grammys.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2020

100 WORD SKITTLE // Dhamma Snoop

The bed was rocking hard. It wasn’t, however, for the usual reasons.

Sure, the springs were making that tell-tale rusty sound—the kind that typically accompanies sex—but the neighbours weren’t having sex.

Are you curious as to how I know about their private life? Do you fancy me a pervert who sneaks into people’s homes, poking a hungry eye through bedroom keyholes? Please! I’m not so unsophisticated. I have tiny Buddhas embedded everywhere, and that’s why I’m able to track my neighbours’ every movement.

Anyway, they weren’t having sex, and I’m sure my publisher will find this information useful.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2020

100 WORD SKITTLE // Dhamma Sandwich

There are three things I don’t feel like doing today.

Of course, the first thing is waking up. Whoever invented the alarm clock needs to be spit roasted in hell while listening to an eternal loop of alarm clock buzzers.

The second thing is making a tiny Buddha sandwich. Have you tried to catch a tiny Buddha? If he’s not making tiny copies of himself, he’s walking through walls or levitating up chimneys to make good his escape. Bastard.

The last one is calling my publisher. He’s like a tiny Budda with an alarm clock… but without the alarm clock.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2020

PERFECTION IN ACTION // No Niceties

“Oranges! No apples!”

She was angry. He, of course, tried not to smile at her pouty determination.

“Don’t worry, dear. Oranges then.”

He stroked her head musingly. He’d give the apples to their neighbour down the street. They had a donkey that’d be only too happy to eat them all.

“And Death! ‘Oranges and Death’!”

“Of course, dear. I will make preparations for the sacrifice tomorrow, first thing.”

With that, she ran to the kitchen where the nanny was fussing with dinner. He picked up the crayons scattered about. Maybe they shouldn’t take drawing lessons in the kindergarten so seriously?

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2019

100 WORD SKITTLE // An Egg State of Mind

Look at him! Chillax Diddy, the gangsta rap penguin, is having a most copacetic time with his entourage of loyal hoes. Lucky dawg!

Hey, bro, you want to impress the hoes too? Put on a tuxedo! Of course, penguins are pretty lucky in this regard. Their skin suit’s their evening wear, and it never shrinks in water.

As for lyrics, just ‘Baby, I’ll sit on eggs for you!’ will get the hoes wet. You might think that sounds disgusting, but not to them. They love a bad boy who’ll also be their big daddy diddy at home. Stone cold diggity!

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2019