CRACKED FABLES // The Ass and the Brain

The Ass and the Brain went to the Family Psychologist. They were having relationship issues and wanted to see if this was something that could be resolved together.

The Brain was often quite arrogant. He’d constantly remind the Ass that, in the grand scheme of things, he was more important than she could ever hope to be. And so the Ass would say, “Come down here and say that. I’ll sit on you!”

The Family Psychologist said, “Well, the Brain, let’s unpack that, shall we? What makes you feel as though you’re more important? And what do you make of the Ass wanting to dominate you by using you as her seat?”

“I have a perfect spherical shape that’s to die for!” blustered the Brain.

The Ass snickered. “Is your ‘perfect’ sphere soft and smooth like mine?”

“It has two halves!”

“That’s not what I asked,” muttered The Ass with raised brow.

Ignoring her snarky comment, the Brain puffed himself up and said, “Having two halves affords me a higher degree of processing power. I can solve complex, mathematical equations!”

“You do realise that halves come only in twos, right? Yup, my ‘two halves’ can process things as well—usually on a porcelain throne. It’s called intuition.”

The Brain frowned mightily. It was time to cite one last piece of incontrovertible evidence to support his case. “I have deep, sexy furrows! No intellect can resist me!”

The Ass sighed. She was young and springy, with no furrows, yet all the science nerds still checked her out at the library. Was it worth the bother to mention this?

The Brain visibly deflated a little as the Ass humphed and left the room. The Family Psychologist looked at him and asked the obvious: “How does that make you feel?”

Twenty years later, The elderly Ass came to the elderly Brain. She said, “Look, I have wrinkles now! Are we finally equals?” But the Brain didn’t answer. He had dementia.

MORAL: Time puts everything in its place.

© All rights reserved 2017

52 thoughts on “CRACKED FABLES // The Ass and the Brain

  1. Now which one’s the smart-ass in the story? PS I needed a little translation for your fable as – ‘ASS: a hoofed mammal of the horse family, which is typically smaller than a horse and has longer ears and a braying call.synonyms: donkey.’

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, here in Australia we spell it ‘arse’ to differentiate our bottoms from donkeys… so, I can appreciate your confusion! We decided to go with this variation on that spelling as we felt the ambiguity might throw people off at first, and then hit them with delight once they got its true meaning. 😛

      Liked by 2 people

    • My apologies, for being a smart-arse myself, it would be the same here in the UK with the differentiation in spelling, my confusion was I assumed you were American, and hence had made a spelling mistake :D. Time for me to climb off my high horse. Well done on the article anyway!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Hey, no offense was taken, I can assure you. I actually dislike the American spelling of that word. Arse is just so much more satisfying to type than ass, don’t you reckon? 😛

      Liked by 2 people

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