CRACKED FABLES // The Ass and the Brain

The Ass and the Brain went to the Family Psychologist. They were having relationship issues and wanted to see if this was something that could be resolved together.

The Brain was often quite arrogant. He’d constantly remind the Ass that, in the grand scheme of things, he was more important than she could ever hope to be. And so the Ass would say, “Come down here and say that. I’ll sit on you!”

The Family Psychologist said, “Well, the Brain, let’s unpack that, shall we? What makes you feel as though you’re more important? And what do you make of the Ass wanting to dominate you by using you as her seat?”

“I have a perfect spherical shape that’s to die for!” blustered the Brain.

The Ass snickered. “Is your ‘perfect’ sphere soft and smooth like mine?”

“It has two halves!”

“That’s not what I asked,” muttered The Ass with raised brow.

Ignoring her snarky comment, the Brain puffed himself up and said, “Having two halves affords me a higher degree of processing power. I can solve complex, mathematical equations!”

“You do realise that halves come only in twos, right? Yup, my ‘two halves’ can process things as well—usually on a porcelain throne. It’s called intuition.”

The Brain frowned mightily. It was time to cite one last piece of incontrovertible evidence to support his case. “I have deep, sexy furrows! No intellect can resist me!”

The Ass sighed. She was young and springy, with no furrows, yet all the science nerds still checked her out at the library. Was it worth the bother to mention this?

The Brain visibly deflated a little as the Ass humphed and left the room. The Family Psychologist looked at him and asked the obvious: “How does that make you feel?”

Twenty years later, The elderly Ass came to the elderly Brain. She said, “Look, I have wrinkles now! Are we finally equals?” But the Brain didn’t answer. He had dementia.

MORAL: Time puts everything in its place.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

GUEST POST // BRAIN AT WAR! by PROSPERMIND

There is a war going on,
Two foes battling each other,
Trying to bring the other down,
Playing unfair games without restraint,
And it all takes place,
In my brain.

My brain is at war,
Competing with itself,
Left versus right,
Without result,
Always coming down to a draw,
Nothing but an endless.

There is a war going on,
Two bitter enemies battling each other,
Trying to put the other in the ground,
Firing away without restraint,
And it all takes place,
In my brain.

My brain is at war,
Forcing itself,
To finally unite my splitted mind,
But no result,
Always comes down to a draw,
It’s nothing but an endless war.

 

by PROSPERMIND
© All rights reserved 2014

I saw one girl

I saw one girl this sunny day.
I thought, The Zombie ate her brain!’
I can position in four lines
Her empty likeness…

‘My firmament is crystal clear
And shimmers like a rainbow sphere.
It’s not because the world is blameless.
It’s just because I am brainless.’

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2014