GUEST POST // Category F by Alexandra Omelchenko

This morning, I thought:
“I’ll get a tattoo, three symbols F32.”

On my neck or wrist,
anywhere above a pulse.
To remember that life beats
even under F32. It’s there,
even when you’d  rather
make it stop.

Even when smiles break crooked,
when laughter freezes into sarcasm,
when all the razor edges
cannot set free the lost and useless
soundless screams.

I’m done. I promise.
I’ve put the razors down.
I’ll find a tattoo parlor
for one last game of sharpness.

They ask why would I want
to carry on my skin a code and summary
of things best left on wards or in therapist’s chairs?
(Quiet! The first rule of the category F club
is not to mention the category F club.)
The strange part is, I’m not ashamed.

Do I even need a reason beyond “I want to”?
I still am F-ed up in the head, remember?
Besides, a reminder that I promised myself
to live, to give up the flight and the fight
may actually be of use.

It’s decided: I pick the wrist.
To get through moments like this:
breath in, breath out, make fists,
open palms, touch air. Look at your wrist,
breath in, breath out, go on.

 

by ALEXANDRA OMELCHENKO
© All rights reserved 2015

19 thoughts on “GUEST POST // Category F by Alexandra Omelchenko

  1. I did not get the reference to F32. I also have thought many times of a tattoo on my wrist, but the scars there speak also in a language different from words, but perhaps just as powerful. Thanks for writing this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really love the last line. I can’t explain why except the more I read it the more the words ‘go on’ stand out. I guess it makes me think of all the people trying to just go on and probably struggling in silence. Good poem 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

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