Global warming had started neither here nor there. In fact, it wasn’t really happening at all. It was merely a bunch of hot air caused by a combination of baked beans and massively bearded Vikings farting.
They’d scratch their prodigiously hairy balls before getting out safety razors to shave them with. Their scrotums needed to be shaved carefully so that sparks from the friction wouldn’t set off a fire that burned away the Earth’s atmosphere and everything on it!
Unsurprisingly, that Once Upon a Time that was stored in the freezer began to melt, spoil, turning into a disappointing denouement.