ACT 77 SCENE 549
DUCKIN’ & RENOVATIN’
Tati walks into the living room to see Tony standing on the wall, jutting out horizontally. He’s inspecting a mark on the ceiling.
TATI: What is this? A new kind of fortune-telling? Using spider webs and desiccated flies?
TONY: Nope. I just thought I’d try looking at life from a different perspective for a change.
TATI: Uh huh. And how does it look?
TONY: Erm… Very skip trowelly, I guess?
TATI: What? Your life looks like you’re skipping a trolley?
TONY: No! Skip trowel. It’s a type of finish that ceilings can have.
TATI: Tony, I don’t understand. Are you gazing at the ceiling or at your life?
TONY: Can’t it be both? Perhaps this ceiling represents a developmental point that I cannot get past as a human being. Perhaps this is symbolic of my personal limits.
Tati peers up at Tony with a long musing look, then leaves the room. She’s back a few moments later with two large pick axes. She climbs up onto the wall and stands near the ceiling with him. Then she hits the ceiling sharply with one of the pick axes. Tony looks at her, wide eyed and open mouthed, as bits of debris rain down on them.
TONY: What are you doing?!
Tony swallows some ceiling, and begins to cough and splutter.
TONY: Jesus. That can’t be good for my asthma!
TATI: Yes, Tony, you’re not Michelangelo. Where’s your swing?
A bird’s nest and some cockroaches fall onto Tony’s face. He splutters some more, and very quickly flicks them away.
TONY: Well, duh, I’m not Michelangelo! What’s your point?
TATI: My point is this stone. Would you be so kind as to help me with it, Tony?
TONY: What stone?
A huge piece of ceiling stone clocks the side of his face.
TONY: Oh. That one.
Trying not to pass out, he holds it up for Tati to see.
TATI: Hit it! HIT IT!
TONY: The stone?
TATI: No, drop the stone. Hit the ceiling!
Bemused, Tony drops the stone. He takes his pick axe and tentatively swings it at the ceiling. It catches on the edge of the hole Tati’s already made, and more debris comes tumbling down.
TATI: Watch your head! Duck! Duck!
Tony and Tati duck and weave like Neo dodging bullets in ‘The Matrix’.
TONY: Wow! Are we naturals or what?
TATI: Nope, we’re supernaturals!
Tony stumbles and falls over. Tati chuckles and helps him up again.
TATI: Rise up, Neo! Rise up!
And so, they keep swinging their pick axes and hacking a larger hole until finally they’re satisfied. Tati and Tony down their tools, and climb back onto the floor.
TONY: That was fun!
They lay on the floor and gaze back up through the hole in the ceiling, taking in the view of the night sky with its many twinkling stars.
TATI: So, what is your limit, Tony?
TONY: Through that ceiling and beyond!
TATI: That’s it!
They continue to lay there happily, but then…
TONY: Is that…
TATI: Yes. Rain.
TATI & TONY: Dammit!