BUT IS IT ART? // Man’s Best Pal(indrome)

 

1265542358_ornament

 

TONY: There’s a time when I wouldn’t have dared to draw something like this.

TATI: Uh huh. You usually only dare to draw dildos and boobs.

TONY: Yes, now I can add shit to the list.

TATI: Wow. Now you can be considered a mature artist.

TONY: What does that even mean anyway? How mature is it to draw a dick and balls instead of covering them up with a pair of underpants? No, I just drew these things because I wanted to. Nothing more, nothing less.

TATI: Definitely, the name of Tony Single shall now be featured alongside those of Odd Nerdrum, Pieter Bruegel…

TONY: Who?

TATI: Artists. Who drew shit.

TONY: Oh, what they drew was shit? Or they literally drew with shit? And it was shit? Or brilliant.

TATI: They drew shit. Literally.

TONY: Oh, shit. Really?

TATI: Shrilly.

TONY: Well, aren’t you just in a silly mood today!

TATI: And you’re in a shitty mood.

TONY: Well, I’m trying to have a serious conversation about god being a palindrome of dog—god being a dog’s leavings, if you will. Perhaps god’s not the great almighty being we make him out to be. Perhaps we ought to hold dogs in higher esteem.

TATI: What a weird concept. Was it a car or a cat I saw?

TONY: Huh?!

TATI: Perhaps cars are not the great almighty beings we make them out to be. Perhaps we ought to hold cats in higher esteem.

TONY: But… but… Cats. Cars. They’re not palindromes! You’re completely ruining my whole point!

TATI: But… but… Your ‘shit’ doesn’t spell ‘Tony’ backwards!

TONY: Are you calling me shit?

TATI: No way! I’m honestly trying to follow your shitty logic.

TONY: I’m wondering how many times we can get away with saying the word ‘shit’ in this discussion…

TATI: I suppose we’re going to get beans anyway, but not because of some doo doo balls on your picture, Tony.

TONY: I literally have no idea what you just said.

TATI: I suppose our readers will tell you. I just know I don’t want to get beans.

TONY: What the shit does your ‘get beans’ mean? I’m so confused!

TATI: Wait and see.

TONY: Erm… Okay? How about we just move on from shits and beans and… well, talk about the ‘god’ part of my illustration?

(Tati begins to walk away.)

TONY: Tati? Hey! Wait! TATI?!

(She pays absolutely no attention to him.)

TONY: Well… shit.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2018

SPAM® Sushi #5

Great Post, I love this, you give me a exciting.
— Maurice Neumayer

Exciting what?! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING US!
— Tati & Tony (Adepts of Excited Exits and Exited Excites)

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2018

Insta-BAM!

Our Dear Readers,

‘You probably won’t find here brightly colored pictures, hit songs, etc. We want to keep a focus on the texts.’ These words have been a part of our main page preamble since day one. During Unbolt Me’s more than four years of existence, many things have been modified and improved again and again, but never this introduction. What can we say? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

As for everything else… well, that’s always been up for grabs. Our efforts to refine and polish the bejeezus out of this here site have been unending. Hey, it’s fun to play around with buttons and links! Justifying text, setting up columns, and changing font colours are all exciting prospects too. We’re like two blissed out puppies in a pit of chewy rainbow balls. There’s lots to sink our teeth into!

Unbolt Me continues to be a work in progress, and the sky’s the limit. We work hard every day to make Unbolt Me look real cool, neat, and professional. We want to please you, our Dear Readers, with nothing but the best we can possibly do. When we began this blog, we knew our focus. Writings. That’s why we initially didn’t consider social platforms such as Instagram for sharing our words. It didn’t seem to make a lot of sense.

But everything, like time, flows and changes. Not only is Unbolt Me a work in progress, but our minds also. So, our Dear Readers, if you want some visual bling to go with your regular ‘Tati and Tony’ wordage, then welcome to our brand new Instagram! We aim to fill it with lovely images featuring snippets of our writings so far. And for those who prefer nothing but text, feel free to stay here and await our new written masterpieces instead. No harm done!

With love (and massive headaches from the
overabundance of social networks out there),

Tati & Tony

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2018

Open-Source Poetry Two #4

Dear Readers,

Last time, we asked you about Shakespeare. Many of you appeared to be familiar with this well-regarded literary chap, so our diligent English teachers of school years past can sleep the sleep of the just. It seems they did their work pretty well!

It also appears that you were not only assiduous when it came to your lessons. You’ve also indulged in some extracurricular reading since those formative days! How else could we explain the fact that almost every one of you mentioned Edgar Allan Poe in your comments? Spooky, man!

(In truth, this made us very, very happy. We’re much more familiar with Poe’s works, you see. And it’s not that we’re proud of our ignorance when it comes to Shakespeare’s output—rather, we feel relieved that we at least know something when it comes to old-time book readin’.)

But anyway, let’s get back to the hip and happening 21st century. There are some quite good writers churning out quite good shit in this day and age, you know. Some of them don’t even have a sizeable following like Poe and Will do, and we think that’s a crying shame. Take Lakmi, for example, who will hopefully be featured in future school books and university lectures. Let’s keep our fingers crossed, eh? Such wonderful poetry! But don’t take our word for it. Check it out here.

Oh, and a little raven told us that Lakmi will at the very least be featured in the next instalment of our communal poetry writing feature. Which is… oh, fancy that! Right now! What a stroke of luck! And, hey, if any of you, our Dear Readers, would like to join in, just cast your eyes over the rules of this fun little game and have at it!

1) We provide the next line of the poem.
2) You write the following line.
3) You submit your line via the comments section of this very post.
4) We pick the line we like most and add it to the poem.
5) We publish every line to date in a follow-up post.
6) Steps 1-5 are repeated until we have a masterpiece!

So, what do you reckon? Shall we make a modern masterpiece together? It’s gotta be worth a try, right?

Вензель

She looks in the book like into a mirror
The face of her sister is there
She wears daffodils in her hair

She reminds her of Shakespeare’s Ophelia
Amid weeping willows along the shore
She lives in the memory of a love no more

She regrets a past whipped with hysteria

Вензель_нижний

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINATONY SINGLETHOM TNKERRFRAGGLE & LAKMI
© All rights reserved 2018

MMORPB // Tati & Tony in Raiders of the Lost Snark Part Five (Moderately Multiplayer Online Role Playing Book 18+)

or: EPISODE 5 // Where Tati Grabs Tony’s Shirt

 

In our previous episode, Tati and Tony apprehended and interrogated a mysterious man in black who tried to steal one of Tony’s suitcases. However, the man in black was not about to cooperate…

“Okay!” crowed Tati. “Now we’re getting somewhere!”

Tony was concerned at how forcefully she was shaking the man in black. He wondered if he should intervene.

“Um…” he began carefully. “I think maybe…”

Tati looked at Tony, raising her eyebrows in challenge. They began a furious discussion with their eyes. Obviously, Tony wanted to help the man in black to a hotel, offer him bed and breakfast, but Tati wanted to systematically torture and break the man. They managed to convey all of this to one another without any words at all.

But destiny, as always, had other plans. A huge meteorite for example.

When Tati and Tony finally concluded their silent (yet no less heated for it) argument, they looked back to the mysterious man in black. Or, to be more precise, to the place where he’d been some moments ago. There was now a smouldering crater with a humungous orb glowing an angry orange in the centre.

Tati dropped the two seared scraps of fabric that remained of the man in black’s shirt. Tony just fell on his arse. They were both in shock.

“What the ever loving…” Tony didn’t have it in him to complete that statement, so he let it trail off.

Tati shook her head, scratched her moustache, gave a defiant grunt then grabbed Tony by the scruff of his shirt. “Get up.” Her tone indicated that he’d better do what she said, or else. He got up.

“That was my favourite suitcase too.”

Turning away from the crater, Tati counted the rest of Tony’s suitcases. “How many bloody suitcases have you got, Luigi?”

“My name’s not Luigi!” Tony bristled. “And I don’t need to justify what I bring on our trips to you!”

But Tati wasn’t listening. “Three? Okey-dokey. It looks like all of them are here. Let’s go to the hotel!”

Tony gestured helplessly at the crater. “Well, minus one.” He was sure that one of the suitcases had gotten disintegrated along with the mysterious man in black. “But I guess you’re right.” He gestured at the ones that remained. “There are three others here.”

“Hey!”

Tony winced. How had he pissed her off this time? “What now?” he moaned.

Tati pointed. “Does this one have a slightly different hue, or am I dreaming?”

Now Tony wasn’t even sure of his real name. He squinted at the offending suitcase. “I don’t know. Yes? Maybe? Or we’re in a group hallucination.”

“No.” Tati gave her moustache another thoughtful scratch. “I think all of them are similar.”

“Sure,” sighed Tony. “Whatever floats your boat.”

He just wanted to get away from the crater. The police and emergency services were beginning to arrive. Names would be taken and questions would be asked. He didn’t have the mental wherewithal to cope with that.

 

Catch other episodes in this series:
THE PILOT // Where Tati Makes Tony Blush
EPISODE 2 // Where Tati Makes Tony Choke
EPISODE 3 // Where Tati Gives Tony a Fungus Face
EPISODE 4 // Where Tati Rescues Tony’s Suitcase

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2018