Tati walks into the lounge room in a swimsuit and flip-flops. A beach towel is thrown over one shoulder. Tony walks in from the opposite doorway. He’s in a fur hat and a heavy woollen coat. He’s carrying a pair of skis.
TONY: Aren’t you cold?
TATI: Aren’t you hot?
They look at each other with suspicion.
TONY: Do I look like I’m hot?
Button is sitting in the corner, giggling. He feels like he’s about to witness something fun.
TATI: I didn’t mean if you’re sexy, dolt! Why did you encumber yourself with all this crap?
Tony lets out a deep, sad sigh.
TONY: Winter is coming. And don’t say I know nothin’, okay? I’m not Jon Snow!
Tati furrows her brow.
TATI: Who is this?
TONY: He’s a fictio—oh, never mind. What are you doing baring so much skin in the middle of winter anyway?
TATI: You’re unbelievable, Tony! Where’s your logic? A moment ago you stated that winter is coming. Now you’re saying it’s the middle of winter! Can you please pick one and stay with it?
TONY: GAH! Sorry! I guess really do know nothin’…
Button now has a tub of popcorn and a can of cola. He’s adjusting his 3D glasses as he watches this scene unfold. Tati sighs, and decides to change her tactic. She pokes her finger at a nearby wall calendar. The date is June 1.
TATI: Take a hint, Tony. Please.
TONY: Oh! Okay. It’s the beginning of winter then.
Tati gawks at Tony with great surprise. She hadn’t expected that heatstroke could have such a deep effect on someone.
TATI: You should lie down, Tony. I will call a doctor to come and check your head.
Tati swipes the can of cola from Button’s feeble clutches, and pours the contents over Tony’s head.
BUTTON: What the fuck?
TONY: What the FUCK?!
TATI: Did it help? I can add popcorn!
Button hides the tub of popcorn behind his back.
TONY: NO! GODDAMMIT!
Tony runs around in circles, rubbing his hair vigorously with his hands. He’s trying desperately to get it dry.
TONY: So freaking COLD. I need a warm towel! My kingdom for a warm towel!
Tati takes the towel from her shoulder and flicks it toward him.
TONY: Oh my god. Is that… effervescence I’m feeling? What if the bubbles get absorbed into my brain?
TATI: Then I hope it will revitalise your dried brain a little bit. And that you finally realise it’s bloody SUMMER.
TONY: Summer? SUMMER?! It’s so bloody cold I could snap an ear off, use it as an ashtray, and it still wouldn’t thaw!
Tati turns to whisper to Button.
TATI: Call the mental health facility. Tony is having a fit.
TONY: It’s winter! WINTER! Do you see me shivering here? I’m blue, for freak’s sake! I’m as blue and shaky as Epileptic Smurf! Button, call the mental health facility! Tati’s a raving lunatic! She thinks it’s summer!
Button rolls his eyes and does the ‘cuckoo’ sign at both Tati and Tony. He then takes some popcorn and…
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by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2019