Tati as TATI
Tony as TONY
ACT 1 SCENE 1
“He Had it Coming”
Set in the lounge room of a cosy three-storey tree house in an unspecified fantasy location.
TONY is sitting in a comfortable armchair. He is reading a comic book.
Enter TATI. She is out of breath. Her eyes are crazed. Her spikey hair is even more so.
TATI: (speaking to TONY) Catastrophe! Tony, it’s just a catastrophe!
TONY rolls his eyes. He doesn’t bother getting up. TATI pulls this kind of shit every other week.
TONY: You’re such a drama queen.
He turns back to the comic in his lap. Nausicaä is about to face off against the Ohmu and he doesn’t want any distractions.
TATI: (thinking) Huh? What bullshit! You yourself are the drama queen, boy!
She stands over TONY, arms akimbo and staring daggers at him.
TATI: (speaking again) I was looking at our Amazon account, and someone has made our book free. Who did this? Was it you?
TONY shakes the daggers out of his hair. They thunk on the floor with such bloody minded literalness that TATI is forced to do some serious eye rolling of her own.
TONY: (sarcastically) Relax! It’s only for two days. You needn’t be stressing about causing a global financial crisis or something quite yet.
TATI feels like hitting TONY with a chair.
TATI: It was ninety-nine cents! Who do you think you are? Tony Rockefeller?
TONY’S brow crinkles like a sheet of corrugated iron.
TONY: (bluntly) I have no idea who that is. I mean, what the hell? You’re always making references to things I know nothing about. You know my brain can only hold one thing at a time. I’m a simple creature!
TATI: (smirking) Are you Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu? Blessed Tony of Calcutta?!
TONY: (really confused) I’m sorry? What the fuck?! No! I’m just me! Well, I thought I was anyways…
TONY scratches his head. He has no idea where this conversation is going.
TONY: (thinking) Someone ought to tell her that this free promotion is for our mutual benefit! All I’m trying to do is get more people interested in our book!
TATI: (thinking) Oh. Why didn’t he say so immediately?
That’s when TATI and TONY realise that they can hear what the other is thinking.
TONY: (thinking) Shit, I’d better be careful what I think and say from here on. Keep my thoughts pure!
TATI: (thinking) Pure? What do you mean ‘pure’? What have you been thinking, boy?
TONY: (thinking) NOTHING! I haven’t thunk a thing at all! I’m completely asexual. No genitals or anything. I’m like a Ken doll down there. Honest!
TATI: (thinking) Ugh! You’re such a pervert. You’re Hannibal Lecher!
TATI picks up the chair then decides not to hit him with it. She puts it down again. Sure, TONY has it coming but hitting him with a chair would be like kicking a mangy, defenseless dog in the head. She just cannot do it. She does, however, have one final thing to say before she leaves the room.
TATI: (speaking) It should have been five! Five days! Not only two days of free promotion. You always fuck up with math, Tony Boeotian!
TONY: (speaking) Who the hell is Tony… Boat Teeing?
TATI lets loose an exasperated sigh and exits the room. TONY is just as confused as he was before. He pauses a moment, then shrugs and turns back to his comic.
END SCENE
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016
unbolt me 
Hilarious … who knew art could be so fraught?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh, it’s a minefield, Dave. An absolute minefield! 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol you had me at the Mother Teresa reference….blessed Tony of Calcutta. You guys are geniuses. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much! Those references were all Tati. I never would have thought of it! Hee hee! 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you should of hit him with the chair
Once a mole always……..
Convenient amnesia
I forget all the time
LikeLiked by 2 people
Tati was insistent that she wouldn’t hit me with a chair. Maybe with something soft like a plush toy, but not a chair. Such a thoughtful soul really. Hee hee! 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
More, more of this please…you two are uniquely bonkers! I nearly went and got a freebie then remembered I got it when it first came out, must read again and again and again to try and understand it, mind you cats always give me the creeps…and I did say I’d review too…but what the hell to write.. though I did have a go on here but best forgotten … I must have been on some medication or other? Cheers ah that’ll be it!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha ha! Thank you so much! We can’t help but be bonkers. It’s our natural state of being when we write. When ink touches the paper then the introverts come out to play! 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
do I get a refund? 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw, was it not to your liking, Fraggle? 😦
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw you know it is one of the things I read over and over so worth every penny. One day I will understand it 😂😂 seriously, I was teasing. But I am going to softly chide you for giving your work away for free, even for 2 days only, you did a book, and that’s intellectual work, and worth the small price to pay for it to the reader.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s a fair point, Fraggle. We’re hoping that this might generate more word-of-mouth about the book, and then more people will be willing to sample it. That’s the plan anyway. Of course, we are always going to be grateful to early adopters such as yourself. You’ve shown a lot of faith in us, and we appreciate this. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Love this! Funny, surprising, cleverly executed. I shall check amazon tomorrow!
LikeLiked by 2 people
We hope you like it, Lola. Please let us know if you do! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh what a coincidence this is. I’ve just written my first script for a (very short) short film today. It’s just a draft really, however I have been looking into script wring lately. It’s quite different!
Excellent job Tony, bravo!!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Congratulations are in order! I hope this is a short film that we’ll all get to see in due course because I for one am intrigued… 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wonderful! I absolutely LOVE this comical dialogue… Superbly done
Hats off to both of you (even though I don’t wear a hat! lol)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw, shucks! We made Jonathan laugh, Tati. Makes me very happy! 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Completely out of my zone but I enjoyed it. I now have 80 people asking for free copies of my book and there are only five on offer. I love it!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m glad your promotion is going so well for you, Julie! Awesome news! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m interested…and I got it. Thanks for doing this!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for taking a chance on us, Robert. We’d love to know what you think! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people