A Bad Dancer is Always Impeded by his Testicles

My name’s Diego. Surname the ‘Prowl’.
On the pull tonight, struttin’ like a peafowl.
Cannot get enough of this demure goth chick
So I decide to woo her with my party trick.

Yeah, I do the mash.
I cut a rug and throw the scraps.
The muncher mash.
Shake a wicked hoof in cowboy chaps.
Trippin’ light fantastic. No, I’m not gay.
Just want the women and won’t swing that way.

No girl can resist the force of my mojo
When I twirl it about like a loco yo-yo.
Pelvic thrusts and crazy jitterbug.
Yeah, fly to me, my lurid ladybug!

Like, I do the mash.
I roll Stones and I do the Jagger.
The muncher mash.
I wobble my jelly with a ghastly swagger.
I’m the Man in Black, not a dusty rock star.
Just want the women and a hella cool scar.

I cavort with bodies like lightnin’ greased
’Til my arse falls off for the ghouls to feast.
On this night of All Hallows’ Eve
Even arms plop from their gory sleeves.

So, I do the mash.
Through this house of death I dare to tap.
The muncher mash.
My feet a whirl of ‘don’t give a crap’.
In this dance universe I’m immortal Duncan.
Tango, waltz, and freaky hula funkin’.

I twerk on the slab under strobin’ light.
When my brain drops out, a queasy sight!
It skids across the floor like a raw meat pie,
Half eaten, left alone to petrify.

Yet I do the mash.
This lust for her I can hardly quash.
The muncher mash.
My heart’s no more than charnel squash,
For on it she jumps like an undead foal.
I’m left cryin’ a river with the dungfly shoal.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

57 thoughts on “A Bad Dancer is Always Impeded by his Testicles”

  4. “I twerk on the slab under strobin’ light.
    When my brain drops out, a queasy sight!
    It skids across the floor like a raw meat pie,
    Half eaten, left alone to petrify.”
    My favorite part…too funny!
    I can’t help but have the Monster Mash music playing in my head as I read.

    Liked by 3 people

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  9. Twerk on a slab…giggles. What’s really cool about this is – I can hear background music and envision the movements too. Killed it! You guys rock n rollin’ – shimmy slide non-trollin’…silent beat box blastin’ as you’re rappin’ and flowin’ 👍🏻

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  10. This the real thing … dogs bollocks … you must have been in the same dance class as me … all my partners wet themselves …no that way … incontinence … once in hold I didn’t let go! And before I go just got to say your piece brilliant … bravo!

    Liked by 3 people

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