Tati as TATI
Tony as TONY
ACT 5 SCENE 3
THROUGH THE LOOKING HOLE
Set in the lounge room of a cosy three-storey tree house in an unspecified fantasy location.
TATI is sitting in a comfortable armchair. She is reading a book entitled ‘Unicorn Farts: How the Rainbow was Born’ with a serious face.
TONY wanders in, wearing a sandwich board advertising something called ‘Hole-in-the-Wall’. He turns to the reader (that’s you) and bellows…
TONY: You! Hey you! Yeah, reader! This is a hardcore sales pitch!
TATI: What the hell?
TONY: Buy our stuff! Buy it now! Buy it or die! (Well, everyone dies. Eventually.)
TATI: Tony…
TONY: Just goddamn BUY our stuff so we can get filthy stinking rich and avoid paying taxes like the top one percent! Yeah. Just… YEAH.
TATI: Tony.
TONY: Do it, man! And woman. Plural.
TATI: TONY!
TONY: What?!
TATI: This is shit and you know it. It wouldn’t even hook a dead fish.
TONY: Huh?
TATI: Take off that silly hairpiece, please. You’re not Donald Trump.
TONY: I’m only trying to spruik our new shop page.
TATI: Hole-in-the-Wall isn’t a fly-by-night pyramid selling scheme. It should be presented with dignity.
TONY: Fine. I’ll be boring then. Dear reader, Hole-in-the-Wall is our new shop page. You can find it here on Unbolt Me, and it features our first two eBooks. Eventually, we will have other stuff you can buy as well, but for now please do enjoy our literary offerings.
TATI: Amen.
TONY: Oh, and our books will help you to lose weight. Maybe even get rid of dandruff and carpet stains…
TATI: Tony! Are you an idiot? Do you want to be beaten for your shameless lies?
TONY: Frickin’ women. Can never make ’em happy. Not ever.
THE END
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016
unbolt me 
Such a cool idea!!!
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Hee hee! Thank you! 😛
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All promotions should be this cool!
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Hee hee! Thanks so much! We kinda want to promote ourselves without being too annoying about it, so we’re very glad that this has landed well with our readers! 😀
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With this one reader, at least, if it means anything to you.
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It means a lot, believe me! 😀
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I think this is too funny. Congratulations on your site. If I had money, I would partake, but I am in that floundering 99 percent.
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We completely understand. I think many of us are doing it tough. It’s just a pleasure to have you here! 😀
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In all honesty Tony, I rather like how Tati somewhat keeps you in line, even if it is for marketing purposes only. Haha!
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Hee hee! Well, truth be told, while she doesn’t seek to control me, Tati certainly has a calming influence. I’m grateful for that. Working with her has changed everything. 😀
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That’s awesome and a delight to read. 😆
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Nice! I had already bought/read/enjoyed One Pulse: Cradle 2 Grave. When I get home in a few days to my kindle I’ll be getting Mooreeffoc to do the same. 😀 Can’t wait to check it out.
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Aw, thank you for supporting us. That’s very very cool of you! We hope you enjoy Mooreeffoc too! Please do let us know what you think! 😀
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Will do! ^_^
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Tati why do you get in the way of his pitch? How many did you sell, Tony? 😉
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It’s probably a good thing that Tati gets in the way. She keeps me grounded so that I don’t run off doing some fool thing or other. Hee hee! Not many yet by the way, but the sky’s the limit! 😀
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monkey give thanks for new word spruik for add to vocabulary.
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It’s a cool word, isn’t it? 😉
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very cool.
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I love sandwich boards and flatulent unicorns 😎
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What’s not to love, am I right? 😉
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I’ve never been keen on raw celery 😱
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Point taken. It is rather bland, isn’t it? And it doesn’t even have the novelty factor of broccoli which at least looks like a miniature tree so that you can pretend you’re a giant eating one (while ignoring the bland taste). Hm. It occurs to me that I may think about these things entirely too much… 😛
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I like celery in soup though!! A big yeah to broccoli trees.
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Y’know, I’ve never had celery soup… and now I’m curious. I must try it! 🙂
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With other ingredients, not merely celery, I suspect that would be terribly bland!! 😱
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Hee hee! Yeah, you’re right about that. 😛
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One day I will buy me a kindle, or Santa will bring it, or my husband will take care of it or maybe the Easterbunny. But one day I will be able to read an e-book like all the other modern (much more modern) people around me.
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We’ve both got a confession to make… Neither of us owns a Kindle either, so we feel your pain! 😛
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So how do you read e-books? (Trying not to sound too stupid here)
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You don’t sound stupid at all! eBooks are a bit of a mystery to me to be honest with you. However, there is an app you can download from Amazon that allows you to read Kindle books on your PC (or Mac). That’s what I use on the rare occasion I do happen to read something that isn’t all papery and printy. 😛
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Tony and Tati ! The two of you always lift my spirit in such funny ways ….love you , megxxx 💜💜
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Aw, thanks Meg. As long as we’ve brought a smile to your face then our job here is done! 😀
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