PERFECTION IN ACTION // Mod Cons

They say the pyramids are perfection itself. Are they though? Let’s look.

No balconies. Where are the pharaohs supposed to dry their gilded gruds?

No windows. Can their indoor pot plants flourish without sunlight?

No wallpapers or furniture. How will their cats sharpen their sacred claws?

Speaking of cats, let’s take a leaf from their book. They like cardboard boxes, yes? Do you see cardboard boxes inside the pyramids? No! Only piles of rotting papyrus with strange doodles.

Cardboard boxes belong outside with their flaps open. Compact. Portable. Humble mansions with natural air conditioning. Now that’s perfection. Not silly pyramids!

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2020

PERFECTION IN ACTION // Aesthetic Feeling

It was the blackest black. The roundest round. Nothing in the known universe could match its immaculateness. He stepped back and admired his handiwork one more time. If only someone else had been here to witness this monumental moment…

Darnel closed the toilet lid.

He reached out to flush, but stopped halfway. No way could he do this. It’d be a culture crime. Like splashing acid onto the Mona Lisa’s face. Like scratching ‘fuck’ on the ancient stone foundation of an Egyptian pyramid.

Darnel opened the toilet lid.

What to do? Oh! Instagram it! The world could thank him later.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2020