i fain would draw this blue fog
but have only the red ink of shame
it burns through my sullen veins

i fain would deface my skin
but it’s like a brittle parchment
it crumbles ‘neath needle’s acerb touch

i fain would drown them all in bile
but hide behind what they want of me
my head pulses like a tumour

i fain would discard my failed life
but angst has drained resolve from my bones
i wait, days full up with hospital pudding