ABSURDIS EXTREME // Case Study #669,002 [31/12/2023] by B.A. Loney

This is the story of a certain intelligent species in the Chroma Key Galaxy. Unfortunately, they weren’t intelligent enough.

Despite the fact that they’d developed a sophisticated civilisation down through millennia—now in high definition where available—they couldn’t help themselves when a Hollywood actor got up on stage and slapped another Hollywood actor over a perceived slight. It was the juiciest scandal they’d seen in years!

As it happened, it was also the first domino in a chain of endless disasters. A different Hollywood actor had declared his career finished, and as such this meant he could no longer be counted upon to save the day the next time an extinction level meteor wandered into the solar system—which one did.

Their last hope was another Hollywood actor, but when they begged him for a miracle he answered, “If the angels bring some sort of script that’s written in gold ink that says to me that it’s going to be really important for people to see, I might continue down the road, but I’m taking a break.” Alas, there were no angels, nor heavenly paper upon which to doodle gold ink movie dialogue.

So, plebs everywhere went back to fussing over the ‘slap heard around the world’, for what else could they do? They needed distracting from the existential terror that was a meteor steaming its way towards the polar cap. The skies turned red. The seas boiled. The Rapture even came and went—in surround sound where available. And no one was paying attention to anything other than the soothing balm of bloated Hollywood egos.

That’s right. Nobody did a goddam thing. The meteor struck. There was a cataclysm. A whole planet became a barren ball of rock in mere days. Fucking intelligent species! So not fucking intelligent enough!

© All rights reserved 2022

Barbaric methods

You mildly murmur at me
that I don’t value things,
all these lovely expensive things,
that you present

I wonder why you can’t see
I have only one use for rings,
all these useless diamond rings,
to make them pleasant

© All rights reserved 2015

Happiness is just another angle of view. Please, let yourself be happy…

with love,
your Unbolt

One Lovely Blog Award

Good news! I was honored by Jacob Lascsak’s (Serpentine is Here) nomination for the One Lovely Blog Award. And I really, really appreciate it! I know, some bloggers don’t accept such awards. I’ve read their posts, their very reasonable and rational posts… It’s a point of view, and it’s a really good thing.

I accept awards. Why? Because it’s something important for the particular person, who reads my blog, who thinks of me and nominates me. So, it’s important for me too. When a child gives me a twig and says it’s a magic wand… I never say it’s just a wet dirty stick. I never say it’s just trash. I take it and start to conjure.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” (Albert Einstein)

Thank you so much, Jacob! Let’s play with magic! By the way… nobody said that I’m a fairy godmother.

© All rights reserved 2014

One little miser

One little miser lived on the Earth.

The center of his universe was an old shed. The miser was dragging to the shed all that came to his hands. Cracked sinks from the beach. Overdue cures from grandma’s aid kit. Crumpled letters for unknown addressees. Leaflets with the faces of intruders. And uncountable mixed boxes, bottles, jars and vials… Oh, Lord!

It was filling his life with sense, really!

He was gently stroking the subtle lace on a muddy Venetian mask. He was trying to read old, faded papers… (I should say – I don’t wait for something good from this story. I am nauseated by it… But I must finish!)

One little miser came out into the yard once. He had one very important matter which interested nobody except him. The sun was shining. The warm breeze was blowing… Suddenly his attention was seized by a little blue butterfly. Was it deliberate? No! A butterfly is a surprise always. What can be deliberate in a butterfly? But something stirred in the soul of our miser… He was watching the subtle and transparent butterfly that floated in the warm air. In that moment he realized that his life was dusty and dark like his shed. That he was only a miser. He was living stingily.

And then he threw into the rubbish bin all his riches. Cracked sinks without the noise of seas inside. Cures which could make you sick. Unsent letters and empty boxes.

Of course, you await a happy end now. Something like this… ‘He is waving with his blue wings and is flying with the flow of warm air…’ Blah-blah-blah… No! You should muffle it! I am not insane! He just became a lepidopterofilist. You can meet him at the flea market. You will notice from the crowd his butterfly net and his disgusting blue bow-tie…

© All rights reserved 2014