Cthulhu, Part #2 (Fragment #020)

I glanced at the badge and said with my most seductive grin, “Mike, I want to exchange this pillow!”


Dammit… My sleepless night was probably affecting my skills of seduction. Or else I should have dressed up my presentation with another gleaming cuspids’ grin… I licked my lips and said again, “I want to exchange this pillow, baby!”

The last word, I added in vain.

“Are you a fool, baby? Or is it hungover syndrome, baby? Is it serviceable? Yes? You should read the rules at least once. Exchanges are impossible!” He looked at me crossly. “Tux? Schrodinger’s cat? Alfred Pennyworth? Take these instructions and get out! I’m busy!”

I didn’t have the strength for the scandal of this argument. I took the white brochure and plodded to my room at a snail’s pace.

I’m sure only Dummies read manuals… I felt like a mentally retarded person as I started to page through the brochure. Introduction. Getting started. I decided to start at ‘appendices’.

Appendix A, ‘The Dream-book’. A hookah… A spliff… There was nothing about Cthulhu, octopuses and ‘to zohavat’. I checked Appendix A twice. I felt I was struggling mentally… A leap ‘A visit from grandma or take part in a swingers party.’ Now, I would agree with both variants, and I would even agree to combining them… I would agree to anything except for Cthulhu!

I opened Appendix B. ‘The 10 Commandments’. Thou shalt have no other pillows. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy pillow. Thou shalt not take vengeance on thy pillow. Thou shalt not kill thy pillow.

I gasped. What bullshit?!

Suddenly it dawned on me. They are kidding me! It’s April Fools’ Day! Our office inherited this silly tradition from the Research Institute that was here before us. (to be continued)

© All rights reserved 2014

My special thanks to Cyan Ryan
for grammar corrections and improvement this essay!

Cthulhu, Part #1 (Fragment #019)

I ruined my first pillow. My left eye-fang punctured a microchip on its case.

A guy from the supply department laughed at me, but he still gave out a new pillow afterwards. The first case always comes with an implied warranty. Nobody can restrain themselves the first time… except the guy whose nickname is ‘Cloistress’. But I doubt he is ever fully conscious as I always see him junked-up. Either way, it’s true – he has never ruined a pillow. The complete moron!

I unwrapped its thin yellow paper, seeing it was covered with unintelligible squiggles… Jeez! I was a bit bewildered… The configuration of my new pillow was strange to say the least. I would even say its configuration was suspicious. It conjured up associations with Cthulhu. But on the other hand, it wasn’t half-bad… there would be minimal risk of my biting Cthulhu. My previous pillowcase had a picture of a woman’s breast, and that ended quite sadly for both of us.

I slept horribly, though.

…Cthulhu told me that I am an apostate, and a coward. He was demanding the reopening of an investigation against Paul the Octopus. I protested and though my protests were pathetic, I too thought Paul was a hypocrite and a charlatan…

By morning I had firmly committed myself to exchanging this hellish pillow. I didn’t know then that we don’t choose our pillow… it’s vice versa. (to be continued)

© All rights reserved 2014