Earth tempted the sky with tulips.
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2019
Tati walks into the lounge room in a swimsuit and flip-flops. A beach towel is thrown over one shoulder. Tony walks in from the opposite doorway. He’s in a fur hat and a heavy woollen coat. He’s carrying a pair of skis.
TONY: Aren’t you cold?
TATI: Aren’t you hot?
They look at each other with suspicion.
TONY: Do I look like I’m hot?
Button is sitting in the corner, giggling. He feels like he’s about to witness something fun.
TATI: I didn’t mean if you’re sexy, dolt! Why did you encumber yourself with all this crap?
Tony lets out a deep, sad sigh.
TONY: Winter is coming. And don’t say I know nothin’, okay? I’m not Jon Snow!
Tati furrows her brow.
TATI: Who is this?
TONY: He’s a fictio—oh, never mind. What are you doing baring so much skin in the middle of winter anyway?
TATI: You’re unbelievable, Tony! Where’s your logic? A moment ago you stated that winter is coming. Now you’re saying it’s the middle of winter! Can you please pick one and stay with it?
TONY: GAH! Sorry! I guess really do know nothin’…
Button now has a tub of popcorn and a can of cola. He’s adjusting his 3D glasses as he watches this scene unfold. Tati sighs, and decides to change her tactic. She pokes her finger at a nearby wall calendar. The date is June 1.
TATI: Take a hint, Tony. Please.
TONY: Oh! Okay. It’s the beginning of winter then.
Tati gawks at Tony with great surprise. She hadn’t expected that heatstroke could have such a deep effect on someone.
TATI: You should lie down, Tony. I will call a doctor to come and check your head.
Tati swipes the can of cola from Button’s feeble clutches, and pours the contents over Tony’s head.
BUTTON: What the fuck?
TONY: What the FUCK?!
TATI: Did it help? I can add popcorn!
Button hides the tub of popcorn behind his back.
TONY: NO! GODDAMMIT!
Tony runs around in circles, rubbing his hair vigorously with his hands. He’s trying desperately to get it dry.
TONY: So freaking COLD. I need a warm towel! My kingdom for a warm towel!
Tati takes the towel from her shoulder and flicks it toward him.
TONY: Oh my god. Is that… effervescence I’m feeling? What if the bubbles get absorbed into my brain?
TATI: Then I hope it will revitalise your dried brain a little bit. And that you finally realise it’s bloody SUMMER.
TONY: Summer? SUMMER?! It’s so bloody cold I could snap an ear off, use it as an ashtray, and it still wouldn’t thaw!
Tati turns to whisper to Button.
TATI: Call the mental health facility. Tony is having a fit.
TONY: It’s winter! WINTER! Do you see me shivering here? I’m blue, for freak’s sake! I’m as blue and shaky as Epileptic Smurf! Button, call the mental health facility! Tati’s a raving lunatic! She thinks it’s summer!
Button rolls his eyes and does the ‘cuckoo’ sign at both Tati and Tony. He then takes some popcorn and…
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by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2019
I don’t know what got into me that evening, but I crossed to the other side of the street. Nope, I wasn’t expecting to see if the grass was greener there or if a lion could play chess with a lamb. I was simply going home from my yoga, and had decided to vary my usual route a little bit. What could go wrong? It was an innocent decision!
When I noticed a black dog near the porch of a small grocery store, I immediately realized that it was ill and disabled. And not because of its unnatural pose (its hind legs were spread out). Not even because of its pathetic and emaciated look. But because of its eyes.
I’m not a dog person, it must be said. Moreover, I’m rather afraid of dogs, especially stray ones. But at that moment it wasn’t about my attitude to dogs. It was about being humane toward another living being.
So, in the heat of the moment, I entered the store. If I’m honest, I don’t like this place much. It’s crowded, noisy and stinky, with rather gross staff (though what would you expect from the cheapest chain store in town?). I didn’t plan to hang about in any case. I grabbed the first packet of cheesy sausages that was available, and joined what appeared to be the shortest queue to a checkout. Of course, my choice was wrong. Isn’t that usually the case?
Outside on the porch, I tore open the plastic packaging, trying to not spill its smelly liquid on my new sneakers. I took up a sausage between finger and thumb, and carefully cast it to the dog. Point-blank shot! I was puffed up with pride and the realization of my own coolness.
Alas, while the black dog was sniffing at the sausage, another dog came along. It was a white one. It jumped over, grabbed the sausage, and ran away. I gasped. I wasn’t ready for such a turn of events! The black dog wagged its tail at me apologetically, as if to say: “Sorry, human! I’m such a goofball.”
Of course, this was rather amusing at first, so I didn’t make a drama of it. The night was still young after all, and the packet of sausages still full. Naturally, I tried a second time, and the next sausage landed near the black dog in much the same spot. But it too was quickly swallowed up by the white dog. The black dog looked at me with guilt, as if this was somehow its own fault. I tried a third sausage, but this only shared the same fate as the first two. By this point, that impudent white dog wasn’t even bothering to run away with its spoils. It would sit a little to one side, wolf down the ill gotten gains, and lick its muzzle. Obviously, my tactic was coming apart at the seams. Damn.
A group of idlers started to gather around me. Someone felt sorrow for the poor black dog, and someone else was making rather ruthless comments like: “The strongest survive.” But the most annoying category of spectator started to give me ‘indispensable’ advice. Still, the matter didn’t go any further than mere words. No one was rushing to take a damned sausage, approach the black dog, and feed it. Why? Because, let’s face the truth, it was a stray dog (hell, two stray dogs!) that would bite you in all probability. And not to mention ringworm, ticks, rabies and other side effects of such contact. So, of course no one else volunteered.
I decided to change my tactic. I divided the next sausage into halves, and threw one part as far as possible toward the bushes. My plan worked. The greedy white dog immediately rushed over there. I moved a bit closer to the black dog, pushing the second part of the sausage toward its muzzle. I was getting ready to make a little happy dance when the black dog finally took the piece of sausage from the ground. Its tail said: “Thank you, kind human.” But, alas, my joy was short lived. The black dog dropped the piece of sausage from its jaws. And that’s when the white dog took its chance. The whole scene was beginning to look like a cheap comedy, and I was in no mood for laughing.
In just five minutes, two wasted sausages and a total disregard of safety around stray dogs, I became convinced of two sad facts. Firstly, for some reason, the black dog was unable to keep a piece of food in its jaws. It was perhaps so weak that it couldn’t make the effort to chew. Or it had given up and didn’t want to continue its senseless life any more. Secondly, the white dog had a voracious appetite, and was not going to rest until it had gotten everything I had. It wasn’t going to give the black dog any chances to get some food.
I don’t know how long I stood there with the last sausage between my thumb and forefinger, and the empty plastic packaging. It was dripping right beside my left sneaker from the other hand. And the crowd was melting away. People had lost interest in this mini-spectacle, and were going back to their usual affairs. Daylight slowly faded away.
I looked at the black dog one last time. It seemed to be dozing peacefully. The white dog sat near it, yawning. Then it laid down and nuzzled into the black dog’s hip. It was at that moment I gave up.
I cast the last sausage towards them, turned, and went home. It was only when I was taking my keys from my pocket that I realized I’d still kept the empty plastic packaging in my hand.
I haven’t walked on the other side of the street since.
by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2019
we wandered through peep shows, all with a glass floor
pulled down our skirts for the pervs looking up
we got used to the shame, this tedious chore
like our golden coffers were made to corrupt
we ground their laurel wreaths to brew bitter tea
and claimed the remains to make new storied crowns
we were the stars of their voyeuristic spree
carousing soma of feminal renown
we were prostrate matriarchs with pride intact
and their fire loins only provoked us all
we were by far the best, putting on an act
to tempt them and fool them, to give them blue balls
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2019