please, let me to lay
on this cold granitic stone
between grey and grey.
please, let me to say –
I’m exhausted and alone
I feel total splay.
please, let me to flay
I’m ready to give a feast,
I’ll wait birds of prey.
please, let me to stay!
I found my latest refuge
between grey and grey…
by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2014
Congratulations!
I have nominated your blog for the Real Neat Blog award.
More about this nomination is at
https://dearkitty1.wordpress.com/2015/11/17/real-neat-blog-award-congratulations-to-all-bloggers/
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Aaawww, thank you so much! You can be assured that Tati and I are dancing for joy right now! 😀
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Well deserved 🙂 Keep blogging!
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Love it! Very sharp, clear, passion… and I can identify. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you very much!
It’s a special poem for me… I know, I broke grammar rules here. I didn’t realize this fact when I was writing. These lines were beating inside my head and I was deaf. When I became ‘sober’ and re-read this poem, I noticed where I fell. But my friends convinced me to leave all ‘as is’.
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Well, then, I say ‘thank you’ to you friends! Please DO leave it as is… No change need be made at all; that would somehow tarnish the purity of it pathos.
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Thank you again
OMG… I’m very lucky that such a person like you reads my blog… thank you!
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Just wonderful my ❤
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I love short and direct poems like this. This poem has a lovely shape to it! So pleasing on the eye 🙂
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Thank you! Thank you for such a feedback!
I put a part of me inside of this poem…
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Poignant yet beautiful. Love the moments pinned between grey and grey. Thoughts limned are too profound. Love the way you have made your creative way through the brilliant words.
Stay Smiling! 🙂
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Thank you, my sunny Reva!
You warm this cold grey stones with your smile…
Your grey Tia.
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Pleasure is all mine, Sweetheart! My Tia is ever shining….she is never grey, in all my confidence.
Shine bright!
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“I’m absolutely mad about this”, Alice said! She was so taken with the Haiku set that she quickly looked around for the Hatter, only magic like this could come from one source. She desperately asked the Cheshire Cat for help, yet he only smiled at her. So Alice politely smiled back, and in smiling back, she forgot what she was looking for, and just enjoyed the words to “a Refuge” one more time!
I just love, love, love this, trapped in the many shades of cold stone grey, somewhere between the definition of life and death. Is this life we live just a holding tank for the dead, while we wait to be reborn?
Always,
Your Little Alice ♥
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Alice… my little sweet Alice… thank you!
I’m here, with you.
I was absent because I wanted to bring you a coat. It’s very cold here. Please, dress it!
It will be the first snow tomorrow. I know…
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Oh, snow, I can’t imagine! Lovely beach weather here, sandals, and no coats! But for you, I will wear a coat, even if I suffer heat stroke, ha-ha! No, but really first snow, in my mind must be lovely! Bundle up! Have a wonderful evening!
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:))) OK… I’m the provident Hatter… I took a pareo and the sun-glasses!
A chaise lounge on the tombstones… why not? 😉
Piña colada or Long Island Iced Tea?
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Long Island Ice Tea for me please, thank you! Chaise lounge, drinks, tombstones and snow! How lovely!
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All for you, Alice!
I’m the best organizer of the strangest parties :)))
Your cocktail, dear lady!
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I bet you are a great organizer, and the stranger the better! Another beautiful image!
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Ah, I love it! I love graveyards. Once I caught on, I pictured someone laying in an above ground tomb, perhaps a vampire 😉 And you followed the syllable rules correctly, excellent work Unbolt!
It reminded me of this old tanka I wrote and posted at http://21shadesofblue.com/2014/03/14/cloud-atlas-tanka/
(remember, with tanka, the first 3 line stanzas are haiku, and the 4 and 5 lines are 7 syllables long! With tanka, it’s permissible to have the 4th an 5th lines connected or separate from the first 3) –
“Cloud Atlas (Tanka)”
by Ry Hakari
All foreign phrases,
said a thousand times ‘fore in
our forged world’s phases
Twenty-one shades of old news,
Sun-faded, we’ve repainted:
“Wombs viewed through skewed tombs:
Heart’s art rued, drawn empty rooms
lest LOVE, summoned, blooms
Dawn’s breath draws upon dusk’s death,
painting rose, tainting lily“
(The song is by the band Blue Foundation, as is called “Silence (End of the Day)”. It’s what I originally paired with my poem!)
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Thank you, the Cheshire Cat!
It means a lot, to deserve your appreciation about haiku :))))
I have to admit… the line ‘please, let me to lay on this cold granitic stone’ was fidgeting in my head during last 2 days… I just couldn’t understand what I can do with it.
I just let off it.
When I checked syllables… I even wasn’t surprised. I just understood that its time came.
I liked the process. It’s like to solve an equation… to gather a jigsaw puzzle…
Thank you for beautiful music and your tanka.
The parts of the jigsaw puzzle are gathering together…
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Exactly, haiku and tanka are like jigsaw puzzles! I’m glad you like them!
You could make the lines
“please, let me rest, lay
down on this cold granite stone”
but I liked your word choice more, even though it wasn’t in exact English grammar. It had a beautiful flow to it, I enjoyed the melodic rhythm the words wove into my thoughts as I read it!
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Thank you, thank you, Ryan… thank you for your tact :))
‘it wasn’t in exact English grammar’
Damn! Damn!!
let me TO (verb)
Fuck! TO!!
I feel like a full moron! :)))
I was drunk… I was junked by this poetic flow… I was captured by this melody and I made this silly thing :)))
I’d got a couple of slaps in the face from my Zombie already… It’s nice that vampires can’t blush!
Because I’m absolutely red under my aristocratic pale leather mask 🙂
OK… I’ll appellate to Licentia Poetica!
I’ll ask clemency 🙂
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Ah, reading your comment, I think you are going to love Pepper’s and my poem collaboration that we will be posting soon! I wrote a short story to go with it, that tells the story behind the poem.
You and I will have to do a collaborative poem sometime! Hey, maybe all three of us can collaborate sometime! That would be cool. You and Pepper are my favorite bloggers, you both make blogging so much more enjoyable! Instead of two peas in a pod, we’re three oddballs in a pond! lol
It wasn’t just tact, as that song “Schism” by Tool that I have quoted to you a couple times now, I found beauty in the dissonance of your poetry. On tv and movies, sometimes when there is someone who speaks Russian as their first language, speaks English, they deliberately have them speak broken English in a Russian accent to give their character depth, and a foreign feel. Yeah, you don’t want to have improper grammar in all your poems, but for this one, I read it in a woman’s thick Russian accent in broken English, as a Russian vampire who is speaking to an American traveler who has stumbled upon her crypt, and doesn’t know she is a vampire, and is a little frustrated with the traveler, who is trying to convince her to come out of the crypt. The in-exact grammar gave the vampire character depth, and created a story in my mind that was beautiful, because even though it didn’t have perfect grammar, it had perfect rhythm, so it worked!
I was being honest, I wouldn’t change it if I were you, I really like it as it is, and I’m happy you wrote a haiku set! Pepper wrote one sometime the past several weeks too, and I liked it as well! She recently referred to me as “The Haiku and Tanka King”, which was very nice – I love the poetry forms, and it makes me happy to see friends experimenting with them, as I know they are a challenge.
I truly loved your haiku and in-exact grammar, it gave your poem a deeper depth as I read it! It reminded me of the girl from a true short story from my past that I posted at http://21shadesofblue.com/2014/08/01/schemes-of-blue-tailed-skinks-skeins-of-forest-faeries-short-story/ as well as this silly but cool song:
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Oh, Ry, your comment should be posted like an individual post!
An amazing Gothic story!!
I watched it mentally, like a video…
I’m looking forward to your collaborations!!
And thank you very much…
I feel much better now and stopped self-reproaching 🙂
P.S. Our collaborations is a great idea! I’m ready for any madness 🙂
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Thank you, that is quite the compliment, to say my comment was so refined 🙂
You’re welcome, only the truth!
Remember, I am your editor and friend, and the responsibilities of such enlist responsive honesty and constructive criticism and encouragement. Honesty is something very important to me, and I detest deception. I would tell you privately with tact if I thought your haiku was jarring, especially as the haiku form is one of my adopted children!
Remember, I let you know in advance you might have difficulty with the form, but as it turned out you surprised me, and the difficulty this time turned out to work in your favor in creating a unique reading experience with many subtleties that stimulated my imagination – that’s quite a feat to do with haiku, a form where it can be a great challenge to say much with few words, but you accomplished like a natural! I’m proud of you, you have such depth to your words, Unbolt, M.D., Word-Surgeon of the Surreal! 😀
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Golly!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I feel like a knight in Accolade ceremony… oh, my King of the Haiku and Tanka! I’ll serve hand and foot!
I’ll die for the sake of Poetry!
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You reminded me of my http://21shadesofblue.com/2014/06/24/mighty-pens-ink-flows-from-hearts-haiku/ whose contents I’ve copy/pasted below!
“Mighty Pen’s Ink Flows From Hearts (Haiku)”
by Ry Hakari
Small sparks start wildfires
Speeches fan a leader’s fame—
Words write history!
“True, This! —
Beneath the rule of men entirely great
The pen is mightier than the sword. Behold
The arch-enchanters wand! — itself is nothing! —
But taking sorcery from the master-hand
To paralyse the Cæsars, and to strike
The loud earth breathless! — Take away the sword —
States can be saved without it!”
— Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Richelieu; Or the Conspiracy, 1839
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I feel inspired for the next haiku-feat, my King!
I’ll cut the Dragon’s head and throw it at your feet!
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Joke or not, I have to say that your wordplay here is spot on. I love when writers do this sort of thing. This poem comes across as slightly melodramatic, but in an honest kind of way. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I really like that dynamic here. 🙂
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Thank you, Tony!
I hope, your unicorns and you aren’t afraid of graveyards… My literary way often goes through the dark places. Not always, but often 🙂
Yes! I have to say that I adore your characters!
I even envy a bit… I can’t draw so cool 🙂
I’m looking forward for your new posts (and will be scanning your old posts as far as possible).
Take care… and give my greetings for the unicorns!
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My unicorns are telling me that they like you, and to keep visiting your blog if I know what’s good for me! One thing I’ve learned is never argue with unicorns. They make their points rather persuasively… 😉
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Oh, how I love unicorns…
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Oh God you put into words the way I feel!
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Hey! It’s a bad joke, Walt…
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Oh you know me, I’m having a down day
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Oh, I’m so sorry, Walt… But I’m with you!
It means that all isn’t so bad after all 🙂
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Reblogged this on lordwalt.
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