an Invitation (Tea-for-Two)

Well… there’s a hellish private tea-party.
Are you brave? Put on a mask of the Cheshire or the Hatter.
Pretend that you’re fucking arty
And that you’re a God of refined chatter.

But beware of the owner, little sweet Alice.
She’ll offer you a Mad-Poisonous-Mushroom-Brew.
The truth serum which smells like sweet anise…
And she’ll start to torture you with Twenty-and-One Shades of Blue.

Did you fuck up at least once? Kicked down the stair!
Get out! Without umbrellas and underwear!

P.S. Want more details? Please, look here!
(Hmm… and take a spare set of dry underwear…)

© All rights reserved 2015

73 thoughts on “an Invitation (Tea-for-Two)

  1. I am making my way through my feed now, though I proofread Pepper’s blog before she posted it! Funny, as I bought some more boxers yesterday! (Boxers are a different kind of underwear for men, if “boxers” got lost in translation!

    Funny post Unbolt 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for the ultimate compliment, I see you are riding along with me, going Tut-Tut Crazy. Driving blind is fun, damn those left turns are tricky! Ha-ha, yes please take two pair of underwear, you just never know! Again, so creative and clever, I swear I don’t know how you do it. I think I have to drink more of my mushroom brew! Absolutely love this entire concept, thank you for including me!

    Alice ♥

    Liked by 2 people

    • We will corner the market, have a monopoly on “elastic one size fits all underwear”, absolutely no sex appeal, LOL! Oh, fuck! No, no, we would reduce the world population because it is so unsightly! ILMFAO, can you every forgive me? Ha-ha. See we will become the “New World Order” with our underwear!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Uffff… Michael!

      Your ‘but I’m not wearing what you two are selling’ made me blush!
      OK… ‘I prefer cotton’ gave back my native paleness though.

      Well… where there’s demand, there’s supply.
      I can discuss product expansion with my new business-companion 😉

      Liked by 3 people

    • I’m going to take this invitation as an opportunity to make some more requests then 🙂 – shades of black, yellow (for the tut tut times – and gives me an excuse to throw on my fav shade) and…not loose. I might be the minority among men here in that regard, but I’d rather go free before I throw on boxers! Well…I just realized how tiny revealing all this could be…should I still press reply? Yeah, this is for you business ladies. It’s just customer satisfaction or something right?

      Liked by 3 people

    • Oh my dearest Michael, so sorry, this is part of the “New World Order”, this is a mandate, a directive, not a choice, from the Lord of Under-World-Wear himself, “no elastic one size fits all underwear, then no breathing”.

      Liked by 3 people

    • Please note, I’m liking this comment because of my soft spot for humor. Speaking of soft spots…I guess I will need to form a resistance group! We will call ourselves The Cotton Coddles, or maybe just comfortable.
      More Comfortable. There we go!
      I fear the Lord of Under-World-Wear knows not the ability of bikini…wait what?

      Liked by 3 people

    • Oh no, the underground resistance groups, “The Cotton Coddles” and “The More Comfortables”, must be stopped at all costs! The Lord of the Under-World-Wear demands no comfort ever! Part of “New World Order” requires population control, “UNSIGHTLY ELASTIC ONE SIZE FITS ALL UNDERWEAR”! Bikini out lawed! Now Bikini only found in Antiquated Underwear Museum!

      Liked by 2 people

    • I can’t believe my first recruit was turned that quickly! Before I even knew I had one! 😦
      This is a sad and scary time for bikini clads…but I must keep fighting the fight! You can’t strip me!!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Lucky for you, we too are always recruiting volunteers. The N.W.O. has a contract waiting for you also. No, no! No stripping, for sure, no stripping! Remember population control, so please, clothes on! Stop looking for underground recruits, your efforts are futile!

      Liked by 2 people

    • You provide me with an interesting decision that I will consider (comfortably). And I appreciate your apparent civility, but I’m suspicious. I need some time to think about things. Or do I have time? I don’t have a choice?Color choice at least?
      No! I won’t! Even if you would make the yellow glorious! Well, I might then. It would feel honorable.
      I guess I could pretend I had a choice to volunteer if you made them glorious.

      Liked by 3 people

    • Sir Michael, N.W.O. does not tolerate suspiciousness! Glorious yellow is out of the question, good looking underwear is out of the question, all important is “population control”. This will be derived by the wearing of the EOSFA, no pain as promised. I have your contract right here. Time is irrelevant, you are either in or out! (ha-ha, laughing, all too funny, thank you for playing!)

      Liked by 2 people

    • It really was a good time! You’re super! And too good of a spokesperson for the N.W.O, to which I am now enslaved 😦
      Here’s to hoping for more good times in spite of my new (not improved!) condition. At least I agree with the population control principle, so that’s one thing going for me.

      Liked by 2 people

    • OMG! Michael, (and see, I can spell you name correctly) thank you, I have not laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you for being so funny, ah, we are all enslave to something, at least you know your Master, the “N.W.O.”!

      Ha-ha, your new and not improved condition? What? We worked very had on the prototype of the EOSFA!

      Liked by 1 person

    • You’re right. I can tell how well with how often I itch. It’s a good feature to keep us alert of our position. I’m surprised at how well the one size fits all works! And the elasticity, isn’t at all uncomfortable!
      *scratch scratch*

      Please don’t make me wear them forever…oh…I have to? Well eventually I’ll adjust.
      I’ll stop my subtle rebellion for a sense of sanity. Yeah, I’m going to adjust right now actually.
      Let it be known that The Cotton Coddles has been disbanded, as well as The More Comfortables. Their efforts were indeed futile.
      Let it also be known that I’m starting a glorious yellow dying company. Unless I’m not allowed. Please?

      Liked by 2 people

    • We at the N.W.O. must stop laughing long enough to advise. “Men!” The mandate will determine the time period required, you may actually get a reprieve. The Lord of the Under-World-Wear will be pleased to hear of the dismantling of The Cotton Coddles and The More Comfortables, just as we predicted and suspected would happen!

      Yellow? Hum, let me speak with my business associate and the scientists to see if color will alter mission oriented EOSFA, perhaps The State of Affairs would be interested in contracting services from you. We will advise once a determination has been made. Until then just sit tight in your EOSFA’s.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Alice, honey, I’m home!

      I found a great place for our store! I met with an owner and we discussed terms of our leasing contract! Also I got permissions from tax authorities, the sanitary service, the fire service (Oh! How many sexy guys are in the office of the fire service!) and the department of illegal panty trafficking! We can start our business!!

      Oh… dear… is this the demonstration near our front porch? What do all these strange men in diapers here? ‘The N.W.O. Go Away!’, ‘The Cotton Coddles Forever!’
      What does it mean, honey? Do you know? What did I miss?

      Liked by 2 people

    • Oh yes honey, thank goodness you’re home, let me bring you up to speed on the happenings. Thank you for doing all the leg work, finding store front, finalizing terms of leasing contract, dealing with tax authorities, sanitary services a “Biggy”, and of course, fire services. Excellent, good job, did you have to bribe anyone at the department of illegal panty trafficking?

      So, I am dealing with administrative duties, as instructed by the Lord of the Under-World-Wear, leader of the N.W.O. recruiting volunteers for the wearing of the “Elastic One Size Fits All” (EOSFA). Do you think the crowd is there for their contracts, volunteering their services for the cause? The diapers maybe their effort to elicit a solidarity movement, wanting a prettier look for the EOSFA, some are even requesting yellow, image that! I had to inform one fellow to please visit the Antiquated Underwear Museum, and there would be no discussion as to the look of the EOSFA, as we were not concerned with look, we discourage sexy, good looking underwear. Also, they continue to forget the need for population control, and all men misses the fine print in the contract, explaining the Sterilization Sister-Project, what a shame for them!

      N.W.O. cannot go away, it’s a mandate by The State of Affairs! True Cotton Coddles, need to hide from The State of Affairs, punishment is last breath. Truly, I don’t understand what the big deal is for the men out there. I explained no pain was associated with the sterilization, so no worries. Why are grown men in diapers crying like babies? Oh honey, please explain this to me, we are just following the directive. Why do they try to make us the bad guys, you know a woman’s work is never done!

      Oh, one another note, one volunteer, wanted to double-cross us, but chocolate seemed to appease his desire to give secret information to the underground networks, the likes of “The Cotton Coddles” and “The More Comfortables”. I imagine tomorrow will also be a big day for business.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Oh, dear, don’t worry of bribes… we can declare our EOSFA like a contraceptive and avoid all this red tape with ‘Where is a fly?’ and ‘We should test your push-up system!’… Moreover, I met my friend… we had some common affairs on the East side…
      What do you think of expansion to east and asian trade areas? China? India?

      We can get grants from the governments! We can get thousands of volunteers! They will work the sake of idea, not because of chocolate!

      …By the way, is the Lord of the Under-World-Wear in the office now?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, thank goodness hands were greased with no difficulty. Yes, the EOSFA contraceptive, oh, our ladies will be so happy not to have to ingest those horrible little pills anymore, although they may be afraid to get close to these men. Do recall the half-life of the radioactive ingredient that we are using in the patent for the EOSFA? I recall some number with a three in it to the fourteenth power, and you?

      Ah, the push-up system, are we ready to go with this, and should we start the recruitment process for the volunteers?

      Now you know, I get jealous when you mention the common affairs. Oh, yes China and India, great idea, you know the toxic and hazardous fall out from handling the EOSFA material will be hard to trace back to the N.W.O. it’s good to send to countries with heavy nicotine use. So I’m definitely on board with that. Our scientists have mentioned a possibility, only a small side effect of handling and working with product, do you think going blind could be a liability for us?

      Oh, yes let’s apply for the grants. I will pull old applications and start the signature forging process, yes? We want everything to be perfect, we must deceive all eyes. Volunteers will be begging to work, you are absolutely right, just for the sake of the idea. Oh my dear, you are such an “idea person”, always thinking outside the box! Speaking of chocolate, this box has been hanging around for some time, it had been left in the laboratory, should I offer it to Sir Tony, our loyal double-crosser?

      Yes, the Lord is in the office now, but the doors are closed. You know that I have not seen his assistant for a bit, maybe she knows what is going on. Do you know what goes on behind the closed doors?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry, Alice, my honey… Today I’m late for dinner.
      I solve some issues with dealers of medroxyprogesterone acetate and lacy thongs. Our businesses can’t be intersected, we shouldn’t interfere with each other…
      I hope, tomorrow I’ll get some free hours for my dear girl ❤

      Your H.


    • Well my dearest, we have to get our volunteers where we can. I placed an ad in the “Journal of Diapers”, I understand it’s a premiere community for Adult Babies. I don’t understand the behavior, one would think that they would still act like adult, just in diapers! We will see if it progress to babbling, fortunately for us our scientists have remedies for everything.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Alice, I’m home! ❤

      Damn… A hard day's night… I hate this leg work, but I can't let you wander these endless bureaucratic corridors…
      I'm glad that these yelling baby-men got their pink nipples and went away. We can spend this evening in calmness and quietness.

      The half-life of the radioactive ingredient? Well… I remember my half-life period 😉 And (if I don't muddle up) EOSFA has about 127.92 μSv in banana equivalent dose.

      The push-up system! Yes, I guess Sir Tony (hee-hee-hee) will agree to test anything for an extra box of your amazing glazed donuts with seeds of bladderworts! 😛

      Oh, Alice, honey, don't get jealous! You know… It can be a lot of people on my front porch, but how many of them have a key from the postern? It were really business affairs… Do you remember the scandal with 32 kilograms of heroin the last spring? It was… Well… I shouldn't mention this story. But I guess that we will not have problems with the grants.

      Oh, these scientists… Yuk! You always must think outside the box for correcting their genial mistakes! Blindness, babbling, uncontrolled soothsaying, knowing what goes on behind the closed doors… Yes, I can. Well… I shouldn't mention this story.

      Such a lovely evening… Stop about working today, OK?
      Do you treat me with your favorite tea with amanitas? ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Boo!
      I don’t like this new widget with notifications!
      I can’t separate the stuff, I can’t see my unanswered comments…
      I can miss something from my dearest little Alice 😦

      Liked by 1 person

    • Really it sucks, but of course they always have someone that does not use the WP platform to write the software. That is always the case, history dictates that idiots are in charge, “The Peter Principle” if I remember correctly. I can’t tell if I have replied, liked , or wtf anything for that matter! Hope you had a wonderful Monday, and enjoyed your weekend. I hope that you might do something with this story line, really very funny!

      Alice ♥

      Liked by 1 person

    • Unfortunately, I worked last weekend… Oh, poor Hatter!
      He inhales the mercury fumes without days-off… A very, very big demand for hats!

      But, of course, underwear is important too 😉 We’ll figure out with it!

      Miss you, my dear Alice…

      Liked by 1 person

    • My Dearest Hatter, I hope if you had to work over the weekend, then some time off during the week should be in order! Mercury, yes beautiful, but deadly! Especially in vapor form! Missing you as well, please take good care, stay warm.

      Alice ♥

      Liked by 1 person

    • I would like to put in a request for snug fitting underwear too. I don’t enjoy having my nether bits flapping around whenever I walk to the shops. It’s highly uncomfortable. We men need just as much support down there as you women need support up top. It’s the law of nature! 😛

      Liked by 3 people

    • Yes, Sir Tony, please check out the underground resistance groups “The Cotton Coddles” and “The More Comfortables”, but beware you go against the “New World Order”, punishment, one last breath. No requests ever approved, go to the Antiquated Underwear Museum and drool over display cases of what once was! We march forward into the New World, chafing or not! (Ha! You and Michael are to blame for my insanity today, but only today, tomorrow I will claim all responsibility!)

      Liked by 3 people

    • Oh my! I risk going against your “New World Order”? I don’t wish to anger you and Un, so I think I’ll wave a white flag made from an old pair of underpants and beg for mercy! (Don’t worry. I have pants on!) 😛

      Liked by 3 people

    • Lord of the Under-World-Wear, pardons with mercy, as you beg and give up forbidden wear.

      Tony, you have no idea how hard I’m laughing! This is all too hilarious, thank you! Unbolt and Michael, I thank you as well! Phew!

      Liked by 3 people

    • I see that you have volunteered to be test subject! Yes, we need those! Thank you for signing the contract. You are aware that the “Elastic One Size Fits All”, is also part of the “Sterilization Sister-Project”, right?”

      Liked by 3 people

    • Sir Tony, it was all explained in the fine print, page 217 of the contract. Part of “The New World Order” requires population control. If the Elastic One Size Fits All, works as our scientists have promised and programmed them to, then the answer to your question would be, YES! Of course, there is no pain associated with the wearing the New World Underwear! So no worries!

      Liked by 3 people

    • Sir Tony, I have spoken with my business partner and associate, we can most definitely punish you with chocolate. We must insist that you do not inform the other men in diapers of this kindness that we extend to you, please remember as a potential double-crosser you are always one last breath away from the N.W.O. directive!

      Liked by 3 people

    • Sir Tony, our loyal double-crosser, I would like to present you with this box of chocolates. It has been in the laboratory for some time, it should be good, hum…don’t worry if your tongue starts to burn, and really just ignore any foaming of the mouth. I understand you like dark chocolate, oh boy is it dark, so it should be delicious!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, John ❤

      I'm amazed that my little poetical naughtiness, 'thing in itself', deserved such a high score from you! Thank you!

      I'm glad that you're on WP again 🙂
      I wish you strong health, optimism and endless inspiration! Happy 2015!

      Sincerely yours,
      Unbolt aka the Mad Hatter (Tatyana, in a human appearance) 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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