by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017
Author Archives: Tony Single
Open-Source Poetry #1
Dear Readers,
As those of you who have read our FAQ page will already know, we no longer collaborate with other bloggers, and haven’t done so for a long time.
(You! Yeah, you! The one with a surprised look on your face! Yes, we do have an FAQ page. Go on! Go and read it now, lazybones! Also we have many other cool pages such as About Us or Hole-in-the-wall… but now’s not the time for that.)
So, anyway, we have a proposition for you. We’d like to amend this case of affairs by offering a space for you all to collaborate on a poem together instead. Let’s explain how this would work…
1) We provide the first line of the poem.
2) You write the next line.
3) You submit your line via the comments section of this very post.
4) We pick the line we like most and add it to the poem.
5) We publish the first and second lines in a follow-up post.
6) Steps 2-5 are repeated until we have a masterpiece!
Please be assured that we won’t forget to mention the names of all the contributors. This way, everyone gets the acknowledgement they deserve.
So, what do you think, Dear Readers? Would you like to have a try? It could be fun! Yes? All right then, here’s the first line…
What if I said sorry for saying sorry all the time?
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017
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Oops!… We Did It Again (bussed & buzzed (liplocked))
Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)
Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.
We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*
If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.
* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017-2018
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CRACKED FABLES // The Ass and the Brain
The Ass and the Brain went to the Family Psychologist. They were having relationship issues and wanted to see if this was something that could be resolved together.
The Brain was often quite arrogant. He’d constantly remind the Ass that, in the grand scheme of things, he was more important than she could ever hope to be. And so the Ass would say, “Come down here and say that. I’ll sit on you!”
The Family Psychologist said, “Well, the Brain, let’s unpack that, shall we? What makes you feel as though you’re more important? And what do you make of the Ass wanting to dominate you by using you as her seat?”
“I have a perfect spherical shape that’s to die for!” blustered the Brain.
The Ass snickered. “Is your ‘perfect’ sphere soft and smooth like mine?”
“It has two halves!”
“That’s not what I asked,” muttered The Ass with raised brow.
Ignoring her snarky comment, the Brain puffed himself up and said, “Having two halves affords me a higher degree of processing power. I can solve complex, mathematical equations!”
“You do realise that halves come only in twos, right? Yup, my ‘two halves’ can process things as well—usually on a porcelain throne. It’s called intuition.”
The Brain frowned mightily. It was time to cite one last piece of incontrovertible evidence to support his case. “I have deep, sexy furrows! No intellect can resist me!”
The Ass sighed. She was young and springy, with no furrows, yet all the science nerds still checked her out at the library. Was it worth the bother to mention this?
The Brain visibly deflated a little as the Ass humphed and left the room. The Family Psychologist looked at him and asked the obvious: “How does that make you feel?”
Twenty years later, The elderly Ass came to the elderly Brain. She said, “Look, I have wrinkles now! Are we finally equals?” But the Brain didn’t answer. He had dementia.
MORAL: Time puts everything in its place.
by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017
