Moses and the Open Eyed Sneeze (Chapter Four)

1 Craning carefully, Moses peeps into the kitchen.

2 Zipporah is fluttering about the cookstove, crooning something or other. Thank God she seems to have mellowed. 3 For now. 4 Oh, maybe she has even tried his gift? Her complexion does appear rosier than usual. 5 Moses heaves a sigh of relief. The last thing he wants is to bring another storm crashing down around his ears.

6 Zipporah should realise, after all, that he gave her that dildo not because he’s a sick old pervert, but because he cares for her. 7 He doesn’t want her to have to settle with his limp old todger, not when her sexual appetite is just hitting its prime.

8 Hey… what is she singing?! It has the lilt of a bygone era, and the words are simple and scabrous. Is it a folk song?

9 “…a young lover came to a woman while her husband went for a beer…”

10 Say what? Cold sweat breaks out over Moses’s body. He knows this song.

11 “…the lover kissed and fondled the woman while her husband went for a beer…”

12 What the hell? I’m not going to take this crap! I’ll help her to recall the end of this song!

13 Moses takes a deep breath and, stepping out from behind the door, lets fly.

14 “…but the husband didn’t go for a beer, the husband stood behind a door and listened…”

15 Zipporah jolts as if poked by an electric shepherd’s crook.

16 “Oh! Honey? Sorry… I didn’t notice you. How long have you been standing there?”

17 “…and the husband killed both of them with an axe, and after this went for a beer.”

18 Moses lets that last line dangle in the awkward silence between them. Just for a moment. He then harrumphs.

19 “I only just got here, sweeten. What are you doing?”

20 “I’m cooking something special for our dinner tonight. Would you like to help me?”

21 And, just like that, Zipporah turns back to the cookstove, a smile replacing the shocked look from seconds before. 22 Moses’s brow bunches into a frown. What is she up to? Before he can ask, 23 she faces him again with something in her hands. It’s a brown paper package about the size of a flashlight. 24 Moses searches her face for a clue. The smile is still there but with… hey, is that a hint of defiance?

25 Trepidatious, Moses opens the package. It turns out to be…

26 “What the… cunt?!”

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

27 thoughts on “Moses and the Open Eyed Sneeze (Chapter Four)”

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