Author Archives: Tony Single

Tati Unbolted (An Interview)

TONY SINGLE: Tell us a little bit about yourself?

TETIANA ALEKSINA: Next question please. Can you ask something more important?

TONY: Of course. Have you ever been tipped by a cow?

TETIANA: No. But I have been licked by a ram.

TONY: Really?

TETIANA: Yep. I was very little. An infant. My parents carried me in a pram past a farm. And I… hmmm… well, I pooed. My mum laid me on the grass and started to fiddle with dirty diapers. And a ram walked to me and sniffed me. And then started to lick me. When my mother saw this, she was shocked and frightened. But I laughed. It’s pretty ticklish when a ram licks your bare ass, you know.

TONY: Exciting! What do you want to be when you grow up?

TETIANA: A child.

TONY: Are you a group person or a loner?

TETIANA: A loner, without doubts. Life often pushes me ahead and forces me to be a leader. I have to do this, but reluctantly.

TONY: How would your friends describe you?

TETIANA: “You’re on the way to becoming an alien being.”

TONY: What made you decide to learn English?

TETIANA: What made you ask such a silly question? About 55% sites on the internet in English. About 30% of the world population speak English. It’s a chance to reach and to be reached. To hear and to be heard. It’s a chance to connect with the world. Well… the main reason, honestly? English is much more easy than Chinese.

TONY: You get to travel anywhere. Where and why?

TETIANA: There’s nothing more marvelous, frightening and tantalising than your inner Universe. Are you brave enough to meet the real you?

TONY: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

TETIANA: Many of our traditional recipes can look weird or even shocking for foreigners. Kangaroo balls.

TONY: Tish pshaw! Not a big deal. I eat those every day.

TETIANA: Russian Blood Candy. I eat those often.

TONY: What the fuck?!

TETIANA: So, what do you call ‘strange’?

TONY: Something that looks totally weird and not at all edible.

TETIANA: I think every child ate such things. I loved to chew paper.

TONY: Tell us the last joke you heard?

TETIANA: “I know an ideal solution.” I laughed so hard. Though, I suppose, I was the only one who found this statement funny… One of my colleagues said this.

TONY: You’re God for a day. What do you do?

TETIANA: I abolish the job description, ‘God’.

TONY: Is it better to die or to live for eternity?

TETIANA: Well.. death looks like an egotistical choice, an alibi for doing nothing. You can change nothing when you are dead. “Well, guys, I’m dead, what do you want from me, bastards? I’m busy. I feed worms…”

Honestly? I would prefer to live. I would prefer to live and do my fucking best. I would prefer to change this old rotten world instead of rot on my own.

TONY: Why do you write?

TETIANA: It’s my way to keep my sanity and not roll into the deep. Kinda my safety valve, yeah?

TONY: Do you have a favourite book?

TETIANA: Yes, I have. It’s the book you and I are writing now.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Six Word Stories #11

Birdman dangled his wattle for hookers.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

GUEST POST // Cocktail Molly Interviews Tony Single

COCKTAIL MOLLY: How do you define yourself artistically?

TONY SINGLE: I’m definitely a cartoonist. I don’t think I could be anything else really. While I’m quite capable of drawing in a more realistic style, aesthetically speaking I much prefer to play with the pulp sensibility of comics. It’s what my heart has always responded to, and ever since I was a child I knew that this was what I wanted to do with my life. And besides, I like words too. You get the best of both worlds with comics.

COCKTAIL MOLLY: Tell the readers of cocktailmolly.com about Crumble Cult & how it came in to existence?

TONY SINGLE: Crumble Cult is an introspective, semi-autobiographical, magical realist tale about Ernest Crumb, a forty-something year old guy who so far has drifted through life with little to no purpose. He comes to a point where he must do something, anything, to kick-start himself into engaging with the world again, and so he sets off on a road trip of the heart. This comic has a dash of humour, some existential pondering, and unicorns.

As to how it came into existence, Crumble Cult grew out of a need to write and draw a comic that was… well, a true reflection of who I am. I felt that my previous works hadn’t done this to any meaningful degree, so I went into this project with the intention of making it my most personal yet. Hopefully I’ve achieved that to some extent as I feel it’s pleasingly idiosyncratic, something that only I and I alone could have dreamt up in the first place.

COCKTAIL MOLLY: Who has influenced you the most artistically?

TONY SINGLE: I have many influences actually, and they’re all cartoonists. Tove Jansson’s Moomintroll books were a staple when I was growing up. I also enjoyed Peyo’s Smurf comics, Morris’s Lucky Luke, Goscinny and Uderzo’s Asterix, and Hergé’s Tintin. There was Murray Ball’s Footrot Flats as well as Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes as I grew older. Rumiko Takahashi’s Maison Ikkoku, Osamu Tezuka’s Astro Boy, and Hayao Miyazaki’s Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind came later on. I also greatly admire the works of Michael Leunig, Adrian Tomine and Eddie Campbell, and am currently reading through the amazing Love and Rockets series by the Hernandez brothers.

Really, the list is kinda endless BUT I guess the biggest creative influence in my life so far has been Charles Schulz’s Peanuts strip. There was a deep level of humanness and, dare I say, a certain undercurrent of melancholy in his words and lines that I’d never encountered before. It was truly the definition of idiosyncratic and also quite simply a thing of minimalist beauty. No one but Schulz could have produced this comic, and I absolutely adore it to bits. I always will.

COCKTAIL MOLLY: I know that you have the comic strip and the podcast for it, are you interested in moving Crumble Cult into an animated project for wider viewership or are you content with providing the project for a coterie of loyal followers?  My aim in this question is what are your goals for the project Crumble Cult?

TONY SINGLE: Animation of any kind is typically a huge undertaking, even for a large production studio, so I have absolutely no intention of turning Crumble Cult into a cartoon film or TV project any time soon. It would be grand to see my characters walk and talk but I need to be realistic in that I probably don’t have the will or means to make it happen. Also, I kinda like the idea that Crumble Cult can only exist as a comic. I feel it’s a story that’s suited to being told in this way and no other. And this is hopefully another thing that will set it apart from everything else out there.

Regarding goals, I intend to release this strip in a series of print collections some time soon. While it has primarily always been a webcomic, there’s something about the tactile nature of turning a page that cannot be beat. I don’t tend to read other creators’ webcomics for this very reason. I much prefer to curl up with an actual paper volume and lose myself in their comics that way. I’m hoping that folks will feel similarly about Crumble Cult. I think what I do could be perfect for print.

COCKTAIL MOLLY: What other things are you involved in creatively?

TONY SINGLE: I run Unbolt Me with the obscenely gifted and patient Tetiana Aleksina (or Tati, or Teti, whichever name her friends are most comfortable with), so that’s a full time job in and of itself. I’m also prepping an illustrated poetry collection with her, and we have a number of other writing projects in the pipeline. We’re determined to see these all through to completion no matter what. Tati has even been scripting some Crumble Cult strips for me, so those have been quite fun to draw.

I also make art for Tony Single, my online portfolio, and I take black and white pictures for my photo blog, Once More, With Foreboding. Oh, and last but not least I contribute the odd illustration and text piece to a community blog called Hijacked Amygdala every fortnight. It’s a group of talented and crazy writers, artists and photographers who’ve decided to band together to create an online presence. There’s a lot of brilliant stuff going on over there so I would definitely encourage your readers to check them out. Creatively speaking, it’s all go!

COCKTAIL MOLLY: I know you are involved with assisting in the Unbolt project as well. Would you mind explaining to readers your involvement & how it came into fruition with your partner Teti Aleksina?

TONY SINGLE: I don’t remember how I even stumbled upon Unbolt Me in the first place but I’m glad I did. Unbolt Me is Tati’s brainchild. It wouldn’t exist if not for her, and quite frankly I was captivated from the moment I started reading. I think I spent the first few weeks poring through every post and leaving the occasional comment. It was at this point that she visited Crumble Cult and did the same, and so we soon began to communicate via email on an almost daily basis. I admired Tati’s work so much that I eventually decided to ask if she’d like to run a blog together, and that’s when she invited me to come aboard with Unbolt Me instead. So I did. And I haven’t looked back. Working with Tati is a dream!

COCKTAIL MOLLY: Also, you and Ms. Aleksina have collaborated on a book.  Would you mind sharing with readers your experience with that endeavor?

TONY SINGLE: Yes, that’s Mooreeffoc. It’s a project that grew out of a short prose trilogy that Tati and I collaborated on. Putting it together as an eBook and releasing it on Amazon was entirely her idea. In fact, an overwhelming number of ideas in the story itself were also hers. I won’t give away the plot but it should be noted that Mooreeffoc wouldn’t be half the cracking read it is were it not for Tati’s considerable input. She has an insatiable creative drive, and she doesn’t settle for dross. We’re similar that way. We also like to push our ideas as far as we think they can possibly go. It’s a privilege to be her writing partner, I can tell you, and it’s one I don’t intend to squander.

COCKTAIL MOLLY: How has your homeland influenced you artistically?

TONY SINGLE: Not overmuch, I would say. At least, that’s how I perceive it. Of course, there may be cultural things that poke through from time to time that I’m simply not seeing, but they’d need to be pointed out to me. When all’s said and done, I don’t consider myself to be particularly patriotic. I’m not so sure I’d even be willing to go to war for my country as I believe no nation is worth more than the individual lives that populate it. Nationalistic identity doesn’t trump personal identity for me, nor should it ever. Frankly, I feel I have more in common with Tati in Ukraine than I do with my own countrymen. Souls connect regardless of race or creed. That’s what I’ve always found.

COCKTAIL MOLLY: What is next for Tony Single?

TONY SINGLE: Ha ha. Watch this space. Even I don’t know, but it’ll be fun finding out.

by GAIYAIOBI XZANDIS-ZAEVAN
© All rights reserved 2016


Oops!… We Did It Again (ab ovo)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016-2018

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #5

crumble-cult-210

Tati as TATI

crumble-cult-106

Tony as TONY

YOU’RE HOT, BUT PLEASE
DON’T PISS ON ME

Morning was never going to just light up the room and leave it at that. Of course not. It was always going to lance between the curtains like a sexual predator and violate her right where she lay. Like it had every other morning of her life. God.

Tati tilted her head off the pillow. She squinted at the fuzzy-edged glare floating at the foot of her bed. She hated that window. It was in the wrong place. It looked like a white supremacist. Her head plopped back.

I’d better get up.

The birds seemed to agree. Chirp! Bloody chirp!

Maybe later.

“Tati.”

Okay, now they’re calling me. A bit odd that.

“Tati?”

Hell! How do they even know my name?

“Tati!”

Oh, please fuck off, birds.

“TATI!”

She imagined them with zippers on their beaks. If only.

“TETIANA!”

“WHAT?!”

An orifice formed in the wall to her right, and disgorged a human-sized blob. With something approaching vague alarm, Tati swiveled her head. Oh. It was a door. Oh. A human.

“I’m sorry, your Highness. Have I inconvenienced you by entering here? This room made holy by the mere presence of your sacrosanct self? And does my existence diminish—nay, blight—your exalted self in some inexpiable and unfortunate way?”

She grimaced. “Shut up.”

“Forgive me. Is it that time of the month again?”

Bolt upright now, a fiery Tati jabbed an accusing finger in the human’s general direction. “Oh my god, Tony! How many times should I repeat that ‘that time of the month’ doesn’t affect mood?!”

Tati’s blanket had fallen away. Oblivious to the fact that she was now topless, she swung her legs right and planted both feet on the floor. It was too early to be dealing with his shit.

Tony plucked his eyes from the dust where they’d fallen and polished them on his shirt sleeve.

“Like the time I hit you with a chair by accident. And I apologised by the way.”

Tony popped his eyes back in their sockets. “Yes,” he said with a sour face, “and then you proceeded not to call an ambulance for me. I had to drag my sorry, damaged arse to the public phone booth.” Noticing that Tati hadn’t bothered to cover herself up, he looked away. “Come to think of it, why the hell don’t we have a landline?”

“Do you cheat off?”

He blinked and looked back at her. “Oh. Now you’re changing the subject. Is that what this is?”

Tati yawned, stretching her arms wide, her chest all lovely and pointy. Red-faced, Tony looked away again.

“Do you cheat off?”

Tony hissed through his teeth, “What the hell do you mean… ‘cheat off’?” The wall was suddenly quite fascinating.

Tati stood up. “Cheat off. Like in school.” She grabbed a top from the side cabinet. “What? Have you never peeked into someone else’s notebook?”

“No, I was a good boy. I was always very well behaved in school!” He kept looking at the wall. “In fact, I’m being a good boy now.”

“Really? A good boy? Then why are some of your poems so similar to mine?” Tati slipped her top on. “You can look.”

Tony swung his gaze back. “Why do I seem to be as perverted as you?” His eyes darted quickly to her top, ensuring that it was in place and covering all the right bits. “That’s what you’re really saying, isn’t it?”

“Perverted?!” Tati was so cute whenever she cocked her head. She was doing it now, her antennae tilting too.

Tony studied the wall.

“Are you blushing?” She gave a sly little grin.

“Oh, come on now! What about that Moses story? That was pretty sick!” He was flushing redder than a stop sign. It felt strange to be making such a passionate case to a wall.

Tati shrugged. Or tried to. “I wish not talk about dildos now.”

Tony stole another look. “Erm.”

“Yes, and about Pokémons too.” She began to look around the room for something. She wasn’t sure what. And it was kind of difficult to do with her cephalothorax fusing her head and shoulders together. Perhaps a neck massage was in order.

“Erm.”

“DO NOT EVEN THINK!” Claws on her hips, Tati leveled beady, critical eyes at him.

“But… that’s not possible!” spluttered Tony.

“Okay. Think.” She waved him off dismissively. “But something more useful than winkles and augmented reality.”

“Well, there’s that discussion group you were telling me about the other day. What if I pretend I don’t know about it so you can tell me like it’s a piece of news I haven’t heard before?” He gestured at the webcam high up in the corner of the room. “You know, for the benefit of our readers.”

Tati looked at the tiny electronic eye with a curious detachment. Tony never could tell what she was thinking or feeling at any given time.

“Yes.”

He pushed his case. “And it can be like a proper conversation so it doesn’t seem like the scripted advertorial it so obviously is. A spontaneous chin wag between friends. Like in real life.”

Tati looked at him and smiled. A warm smile this time. “Well… in short, ‘Mooreeffoc’ was picked up as a Book of September in Book Club (Young Adult Edition) on Goodreads.” Her smile deepened. “It is good. Yes?”

“Oh my, oh me! Really? I did not know! Thank you for imparting this most crucial piece of data, Tetiana! Pray tell, what more regarding this noteworthy event should we be informed of, darling dearest?”

Tati’s smile vanished. What the hell? He thinks this is pantomime?

Realising how foolish he looked, Tony’s puffed-out chest deflated quicker than a balloon at an asthmatics convention. His arms drooped to his sides and he stepped from the bed that he’d unconsciously mounted just moments before. He could be quite ‘method’ that way.

“Mooreeffoc. September. Club. Young Adult. Goodreads,” Tati tutted. Through her mandibles. Her earlier smile had looked more inviting to be totally honest.

“Oh. Fine. It’s blatant sarcasm then. I see. Thank you so much.” Tony scratched his head, annoyed. “You’re not going to mention that our readers can follow various links within this text to join the Goodreads Book Club too? That they can join in on a discussion group about Mooreeffoc? That they can—for a limited time only—nab themselves a free copy right here? None of that?”

Tati shook her thick testaceous tail, ignoring this pointed yet somehow long winded remark. “Tony, get yourself busy!”

“Huh?”

“Book! Have you finished the cover for our other book? The new poetry book?”

“Oh, what, now we’re changing the subject again?”

Her tail was looking rather sexy though. He reached out to stroke it…

Morning lanced between the curtains like a sexual predator and violated him right where he lay. Like it had every other morning of his life. God.

Tony tilted his head off the pillow.

What the hell? Why did I dream that of all things?

He grimaced. “Good lord. I was about to have sex with a lobster.”

“What did you say?”

Startled, Tony whipped his eyes to the door. Tati was standing there. She’d heard everything.

THE END


N.B. For those who are still unsure of what we’re talking about, we’re trying to say: Don’t be shy! Let’s go! There are only five days left! Get your free copy of our first book ‘Mooreeffoc’! (Lobster not included.)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016