Author Archives: Tony Single

Spam Sarnie #5

TONY: What on Dawkins’s green earth are you doing?

TATI: I’m cleaning the folder with Splog™.

TONY: Splog™? I’ve no idea what that is.

TATI: I use it to get rid of blog spam.

TONY: Tati, I’ve told you a million times… You need to use Spamdex™. It’s much better!

TATI: Spandex™?

TONY: SPAMdex™. You really need to work on your pronunciation.

TATI: Okey dokey… Spandex™.

TONY: Sigh.

TATI: Don’t piss me off. We need to do the next post!

TONY: Of course, of course. But first let’s see to our responses…

I like what you guys are up also. Such intelligent work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my site 🙂
– eiytldklm

7 Ways to Use Your Site to Generate Revenue:
1. Affiliate Marketing
2. Banner Ads
3. Site Sale
4. Pay-Per-Click (PPC) Ads
5. Email Lists
6. Membership Sites
7. Fuck 1-6, and invite Tati & Tony
– The Petitioners for the Canonisation of Joe Schmoe (God of SEO) League

Is a basic dance from which you can quire a good basis? Many people take dance lessons are a traditional dance such as foxtrot to set up for the “chief dance” at a wedding party. So, each and every fan has a craze to buy the jersey. More advanced caras are utilized for the advantage of the general paying custor. Academic profile. The university has fifteen colleges in its different campuses which offer degrees at Associate, Bachelor, Master and Doctorate level. furthermore has a plethora of porn stars, both woman and male, a list of who you are able to aess at any ti by clicking on Pornstars at the top of any page. You have a wide variety including double shot, highball, lowball, on the rocks, and beer glasses. This lets this task which will help utilizing disability problems, supply regard, health care reform, home-based programs. There are nurous possibilities to suit your current needs to get low cost buzzmap. Yummy Dough makes a fabulous present for children who like to make and chew, as it is play dough that they can eat! After using the specially supplied measuring tool to add water to the powder mixture, children will be able to create dough in four different colours and from this mould, shape and make anything out of dough that they can possibly imagine. The Algarve region, to the south of Portugal, is probably the best place to start when on a Portugal holiday.
– abvjkzht

Alrighty then.
– The Battle for Laconia League

This video post is in fact enormous, the echo quality and the picture feature of this video post is really remarkable.
– byvbvrwech

And the Oscar goes to… Tati & Tony!
– The Blessed are They Who La La Believe League

whoah this weblog is excellent i like reading your posts. Stay up the good pantings! You already know, a lot of individuals are looking round for this info, you could help them greatly.
– oppbuxhv

Thank god someone appreciates our efforts at hyperventilating! And we promise not only to pant, but to sneeze, spit and fart as well. And we’re not going to stop! In fact, we’ll expand the waistline of this weblog to encompass wheezing and expectorating too.
– The What is Natural is not Dirty League

just uneven sand/dirt. Would this create problem where cement would crack?
– ynooajvocz

It could. Let’s just put a fun bouncy castle over the top instead and cook mud pies. Problem solved! (Well, until the Mole Bros. decide to crash the party with their sneaky, underhanded, tunneling ways…)
– The Holy Moly Whac-A-Mole Time! League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

GUEST POST // Wonder by megdekorne

rare things are growing
the moon is moving , shalom
fly the burning flag of freedom
do you know what it’s like
to be almost swallowed home ?

he pours the tea
gold sugar , emotional weight
unfurls her hair
upon dew shoulders , a soul
scratching in the still and quiet
she is scared
and not scared
an amateur actress standing bare
first on center stage fore square.

“ Mary did you know ”
you have a regal stance ?
all mutate in your presence
the camera clicks
she turns her head
and when she sees she does transfix
her human vanishes
the bleak cold winter
a bountiful banquet
shattering dry in the rain debris.

Mary don’t dye your hair
wanting to change your wild esprit
I too am thirsty seeing you there
the moon is moving the tall pine tree
over passing Traverse Bay
glory joins utopian pupils
the lake of her eyes my northern stay .

a spaceship jolts
Issa is here and
he is calling for you
Mary , do you know what it’s like
to be swallowed home ?
I am scared
and not scared for you alone .

by MEGDEKORNE
© All rights reserved 2016

Eros & Psyche

Just a quarter of an inch across and I’d have been pulling up daisies. Eros is packing some serious heat these days, a fact to which the hole in my living room wall attests. I’m standing here with two fingers inserted, noting the rough edges. Not quite as smooth as one would expect, yet so typical of a god really. Always demanding more than they can give. Always getting more than they deserve. Well, not from me. I refuse to pay him any attention. I withdraw to the bathroom to wash the white residue off my hands.

My mind drifts back to when we were fledglings. All Eros had in those days was a dinky little slingshot from which to fire his pixie skulls. We’d fossick for their wingless remains at the foot of the royal mosaics at Latium, right there on the beach alongside the unsuspecting sunbathers who would soon become our targets. Eros would rattle off a round or two as I egged him on and then, grin faced, we’d retreat to the rock pools before they could track our trajectory.

He was a brat and I was a chit, and there was a time when I would have sworn that we were made for each other. Not any more though. Eros is a fucking anal fissure and I’m righteously pissed off. That tends to happen when your heart has been so carelessly stomped on. For someone who prides himself on being the ultimate matchmaking machine, Eros sure was sucky at keeping our own relationship off of life support.

That hole. It’s bigger than it has any right to be. What the hell is he using? More than pixie skulls, that’s for goddamn sure. By junior high, he’d graduated to a compound crossbow with customised arrows sporting a filigree, heart-shaped tip motif. Who knows what Eros has moved on to since then? A Gustav Gun perhaps? With nuke sized dildos? No. The hole is big, but not that big.

Whichever way I choose to look at it, it’s obvious he wants me back. Eros has always been one to big things up, to over compensate in his declarations of love. Ugh. I really want to hate the bastard. Some days, I even succeed.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

Holes and Constellations

Every so often, we like to brag. You know, just a little bit, but not too much. We don’t want our readers thinking we’ve gone and gotten too big for our britches now, do we? (Actually, what exactly are britches?)

Anyway, we’re capable of blowing more than bubbles from our noses. That’s what we’re trying to say. We’re serious chaps, we are! Well, a chap and a chapette. Ugh, you get the point.

Some of you may remember. Some of you may have forgotten. Some of you may have no idea whatsoever. But, yes, we kinda wrote two books last year, and even contrived to shove them into different, funny places called Amazon, Barnes&Noble, and iBook. And maybe somewhere else. We aren’t sure that we remember all of them.

Since then, the literary world has been set abuzz with a tizzy of excitement. Well, a bunch of readers decided to pay some attention to us. Okay, now guess a riddle, Dear Readers. J.K. Rowling has 20,665 what? E.L. James has 68,027 what? Tati and Tony have… TWENTY-FIVE! What is this? That’s right. REVIEWS.

Okay, that isn’t the total number of reviews we’ve gotten. This is just for one book so far. Both have gotten a fair bit of attention which means that James and Rowling need to beware! We’re nipping at your heels, guys! Do you see our gnashers glinting in the moonlight? But don’t worry. We’ll be gentle.

By the way, all the reviews we’ve received so far are 100% certified honest! We’re as proud of our one star ratings as we are of those reviews with five. No bullshit! We earned every single star, so we’re going to show them off for the world to see! Behold our brazen peacockery!

In the meantime, Dear Readers, please do check out our new dedicated Reviews page, and if you like what you see then why not check out Hole-in-the-Wall, our online shop? Our books are available there, and they’re waiting for literate new owners to claim them. Would you be so good as to give them a home? Now, if you don’t mind, we’d like to continue strutting our stuff and blowing funky bubbles from our noses… Pop! Pop! Pop!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

Oops!… We Did It Again (leying on of hands)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017-2018