Author Archives: Tony Single

Oops!… We Did It Again (hyperēphania)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017-2018

Oops!… We Did It Again (martian echoes)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017-2018

Button Unbolted

Dear readers, we have a little confession to make.

We were supposed to write “HAPPY NEW YEAR AND BELATED ORTHODOX CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! DING DING!” at the end of the following video but we… well, we forgot.

You see, we were laughing so hard. We were enjoying the process. We were getting a bit carried away with our first awkward attempt at video making. Will you forgive us?

Anyway, we want to thank you, our loyal readers for a wonderful 2016! You kept faithfully coming back to read our strange brand of poetry and prose, and we even released two eBooks! We truly could not have continued Unbolt Me without your ongoing interest and support.

It’s with deep gratitude that we present this silly video to you. Please enjoy it. And in the meantime, we wish you a very…

DING DING DING!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #4

Dear readers, did you suppose we’d ever stop receiving spam? Nope. The onslaught continues! And so does our mission to respond to it all. Yup, this is one war we intend to win! So, we draw our lightsabers. We lower our visors. Rebellions are built on hope!

Excellent way of explaining, and fastidious paragraph to take facts on the topic of my presentation subject matter, which i am going to deliver in institution of higher education.
– hzeuyrlx

We hope that institute of higher learning has a grammar department. Hell, even some avid advocates of corporal punishment would do. Someone needs to beat a healthy respect for basic sentence structure into you. Yeesh!
– Militant Grammar Nazis League

Thanks, Karen! I will post about the backsplash and a couple other details in the next week or two 🙂 I’ll try to remember and come back here and let you know when I do!
– Faustino Breaz

Dear Faustino, who’s Karen? And please don’t forget about our order! We need a nice front screen for protecting blogs from spam spatter. Model #NHDABBBRI2X10 should do. And it needs to be heated, self-cleaning and have Ukrainized menus.
– The You’d Better Bloody Send it or Else League

I’m also commenting to let you be aware of of the fantastic experience my cousin’s princess went through checking your site. She came to understand too many issues, which include what it is like to have an amazing helping mood to get others without difficulty understand several impossible things. You actually did more than her expected results. Many thanks for imparting the warm and helpful, dependable, edifying as well as unique thoughts on your topic to Mary.
– cyqqeyuaxzr

Thank you. Now that we’re aware, we’ll nail a hanger for Princess Mary’s crown in the hallway. Please do visit us soon as we’ve never had tea and scones with royalty before! The theme of our discussion shall be ‘The pros and cons of quantum anarchy versus humdrum monarchy’. And the moderator? The March Hare! So, please do hurry. Limited seats are available!
– The RSVP Soon Our Once and Future Queen League

Now, wet bags are discreetly whisked off to be washed, or substituted with dry ones.
– iljqvkaru

What the hell kind of bags are you talking about? Bladders? According to urologists aren’t those supposed to be wet?!
– For the Love of Criminy Don’t Put Them in an Industrial Dryer or They’ll Explode League

hi please help me to rank my website for some toys
– anal sex toys

Oh, sure. Let’s have ourselves a big old anal carnival. NOT!
– The Covering Our Tushies With Our Hands ’Cos We Don’t Trust You League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

Poor Santa. Year after year he thinks of everyone else but no one thinks of him. He delivers gifts by the sack load to a gazillion billion entitled ingrates, and do they thank him? Hell, no! If someone catches him shimmying down their chimney on Christmas Eve, they punch him in the mouth and have him arrested!

He doesn’t even get given Christmas cards. Not a single one. Only an angry letter from some guy named Tony. No wonder Santa doesn’t feel loved. No wonder he wants to quit being Santa. But it’s okay, Santa, we still love you. There’s always next year.

Merry Christmas, Santa.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016