Author Archives: Tony Single

Oops!… We Did It Again (nabokovian naiveté)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016-2018

GUEST POST // You Know This (Word) by Madam Marmoset (with Tetiana Aleksina & Tony Single)

Labels are not for people
Mores change and fade
No matter how we do it
Twixt the rainbow and the rain

Hear my refrain, hunter
Learn to differ targets
I am not a rabid beast
I am a human free

We’ve lost touch with our hearts
Our identities are rubber stamped
Society dictates our self worth
And we willingly eat the crap

Hear my refrain, hunter
Learn to differ targets
I am not a rabid beast
I am a human free

Whatever you are inside
However your heart beats
That’s where you’ll find your tribal groove
So let’s just call it what it is…

by MADAM MARMOSET, TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Oops!… We Did It Again (up-sell me)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016-2018

EARS WIDE OPEN // Glass Tantō

First we had the disarmingly lettered Madam Marmoset. Now we have the mellifluous Herr Tamarin. Where on earth are these highly literate and articulate primates coming from? We sometimes find ourselves hoping to evolve into them. (Shouldn’t it be the other way round?)

Herr Tamarin seems gruff and unyielding on the outside, but inside he’s really a soft, marshmallowy romantic who loves to show off his impressive reading abilities. Just listen to his dulcet tones! Is his voice not like honey being poured down your starving lugholes? Oh my god… the endless eargasms!

So, today we present the first installment of a new feature. Dear reader, we want to share with you audio recordings of some of our past poems, but we don’t want to hear only ourselves prattling on. No, we want to hear you too. Do you have a favourite piece on Unbolt Me that you’d like to record for posterity? If we dig it then we’d love to use it for a future post in the Ears Wide Open series!

Glass Tantō

spring unfolded on winter again
like a skewbald origami dream
in time for the seeker’s return
empty-handed he slipped behind
the windowpane
the windowpane

he’d left to claim her heart again
she who’d growed beyond the pines
she who’d made the seeker return
empty-hearted he slit behind
the window pain
the window pain

Text by TONY SINGLE
Audio & Image by HERR TAMARIN
© All rights reserved 2016

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #4

crumble-cult-210

Tati as TATI

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Tony as TONY

ACT 1 SCENE 1
“He Had it Coming”

Set in the lounge room of a cosy three-storey tree house in an unspecified fantasy location.

TONY is sitting in a comfortable armchair. He is reading a comic book.

Enter TATI. She is out of breath. Her eyes are crazed. Her spikey hair is even more so.

TATI: (speaking to TONY) Catastrophe! Tony, it’s just a catastrophe!

TONY rolls his eyes. He doesn’t bother getting up. TATI pulls this kind of shit every other week.

TONY: You’re such a drama queen.

He turns back to the comic in his lap. Nausicaä is about to face off against the Ohmu and he doesn’t want any distractions.

TATI: (thinking) Huh? What bullshit! You yourself are the drama queen, boy!

She stands over TONY, arms akimbo and staring daggers at him.

TATI: (speaking again) I was looking at our Amazon account, and someone has made our book free. Who did this? Was it you?

TONY shakes the daggers out of his hair. They thunk on the floor with such bloody minded literalness that TATI is forced to do some serious eye rolling of her own.

TONY: (sarcastically) Relax! It’s only for two days. You needn’t be stressing about causing a global financial crisis or something quite yet.

TATI feels like hitting TONY with a chair.

TATI: It was ninety-nine cents! Who do you think you are? Tony Rockefeller?

TONY’S brow crinkles like a sheet of corrugated iron.

TONY: (bluntly) I have no idea who that is. I mean, what the hell? You’re always making references to things I know nothing about. You know my brain can only hold one thing at a time. I’m a simple creature!

TATI: (smirking) Are you Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu? Blessed Tony of Calcutta?!

TONY: (really confused) I’m sorry? What the fuck?! No! I’m just me! Well, I thought I was anyways…

TONY scratches his head. He has no idea where this conversation is going.

TONY: (thinking) Someone ought to tell her that this free promotion is for our mutual benefit! All I’m trying to do is get more people interested in our book!

TATI: (thinking) Oh. Why didn’t he say so immediately?

That’s when TATI and TONY realise that they can hear what the other is thinking.

TONY: (thinking) Shit, I’d better be careful what I think and say from here on. Keep my thoughts pure!

TATI: (thinking) Pure? What do you mean ‘pure’? What have you been thinking, boy?

TONY: (thinking) NOTHING! I haven’t thunk a thing at all! I’m completely asexual. No genitals or anything. I’m like a Ken doll down there. Honest!

TATI: (thinking) Ugh! You’re such a pervert. You’re Hannibal Lecher!

TATI picks up the chair then decides not to hit him with it. She puts it down again. Sure, TONY has it coming but hitting him with a chair would be like kicking a mangy, defenseless dog in the head. She just cannot do it. She does, however, have one final thing to say before she leaves the room.

TATI: (speaking) It should have been five! Five days! Not only two days of free promotion. You always fuck up with math, Tony Boeotian!

TONY: (speaking) Who the hell is Tony… Boat Teeing?

TATI lets loose an exasperated sigh and exits the room. TONY is just as confused as he was before. He pauses a moment, then shrugs and turns back to his comic.

END SCENE


Don’t be shy! Let’s go! There are only two days left! Get your free copy of our first book ‘Mooreeffoc’! (Please, don’t upset Tati, because she might pick up the chair again.)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016