Author Archives: Tony Single

Spam Sarnie #1

At Unbolt Me we occasionally receive comments that are beyond our comprehension. Sure, the individual components look like words but taken as a whole those words tend to leave us feeling hoplessly dylsexic. It’s for this reason that we forward such comments to the relevant competent authorities to be deciphered and answered on our behalf. So, without further ado, we present the first batch of spam comments and responses for your perusal. Please enjoy! *

It can be applied in a much finer mist, thereby reaching between and around louvers and into seams, joints and corners.
– Piusygi

Ain’t it amazeballs? We’ve found it steams even the stubbornest wrinkles from the trunks of elephants that’ve naughtily stayed in the pool too long. That’s the power of Industrial Grade Unbolt™. Buy it today! (Squeegee sold separately.)
– The Grey Leg-Nose Carers League

I was one of those people passing around whiskey in the pit. My bag was barely checked. Just stuff it under something in your bag.
– Ullkxidg

Hey, thanks mang. Totally rad tip there! So, if we hide the booze ’neath the stash of crack cocaine we got in our rucksack, them sniffer dogs’ll be none the wiser? Dope, bro!
– The Not Terribly Smart Rum-Runners League

Well, you are capable of that but I’m warning you, that wont do much good.
– Cbangles

If by ‘that’ you mean grabbing the nuts off a Brobdingnagian Chernobyl Squirrel and attempting to abscond with them… then, yes, we agree.
– The Rodents Of Unusual Size Fanciers League

* We dare not guarantee the validity of the information found here in case it comes back to bite us on the arse. Honestly, if you’re in need of specific advice (medical, legal, financial, gynaecological), why in the holy hell are you consulting us? Please, we implore you to seek out a licensed professional instead. We’re like Mini Minors careening through the cake stalls at a county fair. We absolutely cannot be trusted to steer you aright.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

CRUMBLE CULT // A Compilation

crumble-cult-210Have you missed a previous Crumble Cult, or want to locate your favorite strip again? Or maybe you need to find some incriminating evidence to confirm your opinion of the authors? Then feel free to click and read to your heart’s content! Or discontent…

crumble-cult-106

Is Crumble Cult not enough buttery goodness for you?
Then why not check out The Crumbcast, an ongoing podcast series in which Tony talks about the comic, life, and other things. And ums. And ahs. A lot.

by MARK RENNEY, TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

water supply (the rise and fall of jack & jill inc.)

jack and jill wanted to be good little entrepreneurs
so they went up the hill to sell a pail of water
but no coin was made ’cos no one wanted to climb
that big ass hill in the summer to buy water with a metallic aftertaste
that hadn’t been chilled or bottled or had a wedge of lime affixed to
so jack and jill came grumbling back down
and died in a cardboard hovel from dehydration and harsh market realities

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Oops!… We Did It Again (tanjung (a gangrel’s dream of georgetown))

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016-2018

Six Word Stories #7

Tortoise left the iron on. Shit.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016