Category Archives: AWARDS & OTHER POSTS

Biological Weapons & Creaky Unicorns

Once upon a time, Tati & Tony had a small announcement to make.

You see, they’d been writing relentlessly for Unbolt Me since 2014. A long time! And although the site had been—and would continue to be—their top priority, they desired to stretch their creative muscles in other areas.*

Because Tati’s & Tony’s ambitions kept punching through the roof and plucking clouds from the sky, they decided to take a real swing at an actual real something. Something super cool and memorable. So they began this something in the month of January 2022, and soon realised that progress wouldn’t be as quick and smooth as they’d like.

Tati wrinkled her nose. Tony scratched his [REDACTED]. They may even have deserved a Noble prize for their optimism and willingness to adapt. Yes, they formulated a more reasonable plan. From now on, Tati & Tony would post on Mondays and Thursdays, not every three days like they used to. It’d still be a pretty frequent schedule, just at a slightly reduced pace. This was a good thing as not only would their readers get the chance to actually miss Tati’s & Tony’s crazy writings, they’d also look forward to each new post with even more unbridled enthusiasm than before. And Tati & Tony would have the ‘breathing space’ needed for the bold, secret project they had in mind.

In short, the adventure had only just begun. Tati & Tony hoped that their Dear Readers were holding onto their dentures. It was gonna be a hell of a wild ride from here on in!

* Of course, Tati and Tony were entirely too ethical to shamelessly promote their books and comics during said small announcement, so the peoples of this world could breathe easy. (Oops! Looks like they did it anyway!)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2022

SPAM® Sushi #22

This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Kudos!
— 분당출장마사지 (Bundang Business Trip Massage)

Kudos schmooze, loud grunt,
pinky swear, eigengrau hunt.
Rele-defecate!
(Just a little haiku to get you more edjumacated.)
— Tati & Tony (Two Super Helpful Conveyors of Blindingly Lustrous, Critically Relevant Nuggets of Information)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2022

SPAM® Sushi #21

Hi, this is Julia. I am sending you my intimate photos as I promised.
— arode

Hi, Julia! Thanks for the X-rays of your coccyx. They’re really exciting but may we suggest you consult a trauma specialist instead? (And we prefer CT images anyway. They’re sexier.)
— Tati & Tony (Epic Epicurists of Erotic Medical Imaging in Search of the Perfect Stapes)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2022

TATI’s & TONY’s DEAD POET TOUR // Sixty to Sixteen by Victor James Daley

If I were young as you, Sixteen,
And you were old as I,
I would not be as I have been,
You would not be so shy,
We should not watch with careless mien
The golden days go by,
If I were young as you, Sixteen,
And you were old as I.

The years of youth are yours, Sixteen;
Such years of old had I,
But time has set his seal between
Dark eyebrow and dark eye.
Sere grow the leaves that once were green,
The song turns to a sigh:
Ah! very young are you, Sixteen,
And very old am I.

Red bloom-times come and go, Sixteen,
With snow-soft feet, but I
Shall be no more as I have been
In times of bloom gone by;
For dimmer grows the pleasant scene
Beneath the pleasant sky;
The world is growing old, Sixteen,
The weary world and I.

Ah, would that once again, Sixteen,
A kissing mouth had I;
The days would gaily go, I ween,
Though death should stand anigh,
If springtime’s green were evergreen,
If Love would never die,
And I were young as you, Sixteen,
And you were old as I.

by VICTOR JAMES DALEY (1858-1905)
Public Domain Poetry

TATI’s & TONY’s DEAD POET TOUR // December’s Snow by Arthur Conan Doyle

The bloom is on the May once more,
The chestnut buds have burst anew;
But, darling, all our springs are o’er,
‘Tis winter still for me and you.
We plucked Life’s blossoms long ago
What’s left is but December’s snow.

But winter has its joys as fair,
The gentler joys, aloof, apart;
The snow may lie upon our hair
But never, darling, in our heart.
Sweet were the springs of long ago
But sweeter still December’s snow.

Yes, long ago, and yet to me
It seems a thing of yesterday;
The shade beneath the willow tree,
The word you looked but feared to say.
Ah! when I learned to love you so
What recked we of December’s snow?

But swift the ruthless seasons sped
And swifter still they speed away.
What though they bow the dainty head
And fleck the raven hair with gray?
The boy and girl of long ago
Are laughing through the veil of snow.

by ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE (1859-1930)
Public Domain Poetry