Category Archives: PROSE

Six Word Stories #9

Báthory giggled. Those weren’t cherry chocolates.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #2

Isn’t the internet mostly porn, lolcats and spam? I like only one of those things. Tati likes the other. We agree that spam is the worst.

Still, I kinda feel left out when I don’t get spam in my inbox. It’s a bit like passing a street hawker. Sure, you don’t want them to accost you but you also feel slighted when they choose to target someone else. It’s a good thing I’m not the same about cancer.

So, anyway, here’s more spam we’ve received. You can read it along with our responses below. And remember to chew with your mouths closed. You’re not cattle after all!

Spores can be transported through windows, entryways, or even by joining themselves to dress all things considered.
– zwacfqjsznx

Oh my glob! Really?! I’ve got an old gran who’s completely covered in spores that I’ve been trying to move out of my living room for quite some time now. I had no idea that windows and other such mystical wall orifices could be used for this purpose. (Put your favourite dress on, gran. It’s time to blow this joint!)
– The Not Terribly Good At It Blue Rinse Carers League

Excellent site. Lots of useful information here. Iˇm sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you to your sweat!
– ******

Yeah, I’m not your personal salt lick, dude. Who are you? The spam artist formally known as Cat?
– The I Don’t Do Epicurean Feline Orgies League

Hi my family member! I want to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately all vital infos. Iˇd like to peer extra posts like this.
–  cuyeout

Is that you, Dad?
– The I Think My Parents Are Spying On Me League

As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
– fkmqoi

Shit. Now we need a fucking exorcist.
– The Unbolt This Poltergeist Before It Unbolts Us League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Six Word Stories Omnibus: Volume Four

Hemingway sawed a cello to death.
Stole a urinal from a bar.
Still he was a literary star.
Hoover was jealous of his talent,
But we don’t have to be.
Behold! The stories below of thee!

Story 1:
Wow! I am most truly honored!
Story 2:
I cannot breathe in the kiss.
Story 3:
I see what you both did.
by Gregory Stackpole

Story 4:
She inhaled deeply. Oh, the pressure!
by Sarah Jayne Nantais

Story 5:
My eye opened, small man inside.
by J. Zorro Kennon

Story 6:
He was your mother, you fool!
by The Scarlet Swallow

Story 7:
Oops! I missed all the fun!
by Kay Geegh

Story 8:
The sun set. Their souls rose.
by Aaron Farrell

Story 9:
Till we meet again, dear friend.
Story 10:
To separate from mediocrity, become unbolted!
Story 11:
From far away, it was clear.
Story 12:
She was enticed by his glance.
Story 13:
With temptation comes the ultimate penalty.
Story 14:
Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Story 15:
I will only say this once!
Story 16:
Ok… maybe I’ll say it twice.
Story 17:
Do those count as six words?
Story 18:
The ultimate temptation; the forbidden fruit.
Story 19:
Help is on the way, ma’am!
Story 20:
Her body melted into his arms.
by Robert Charles

Story 21:
Unyielding, her sorrow refuses to release.
by Katherine Marguerite

Story 22:
Off she walked, towards the light.
by Dprssdmind

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #1

At Unbolt Me we occasionally receive comments that are beyond our comprehension. Sure, the individual components look like words but taken as a whole those words tend to leave us feeling hoplessly dylsexic. It’s for this reason that we forward such comments to the relevant competent authorities to be deciphered and answered on our behalf. So, without further ado, we present the first batch of spam comments and responses for your perusal. Please enjoy! *

It can be applied in a much finer mist, thereby reaching between and around louvers and into seams, joints and corners.
– Piusygi

Ain’t it amazeballs? We’ve found it steams even the stubbornest wrinkles from the trunks of elephants that’ve naughtily stayed in the pool too long. That’s the power of Industrial Grade Unbolt™. Buy it today! (Squeegee sold separately.)
– The Grey Leg-Nose Carers League

I was one of those people passing around whiskey in the pit. My bag was barely checked. Just stuff it under something in your bag.
– Ullkxidg

Hey, thanks mang. Totally rad tip there! So, if we hide the booze ’neath the stash of crack cocaine we got in our rucksack, them sniffer dogs’ll be none the wiser? Dope, bro!
– The Not Terribly Smart Rum-Runners League

Well, you are capable of that but I’m warning you, that wont do much good.
– Cbangles

If by ‘that’ you mean grabbing the nuts off a Brobdingnagian Chernobyl Squirrel and attempting to abscond with them… then, yes, we agree.
– The Rodents Of Unusual Size Fanciers League

* We dare not guarantee the validity of the information found here in case it comes back to bite us on the arse. Honestly, if you’re in need of specific advice (medical, legal, financial, gynaecological), why in the holy hell are you consulting us? Please, we implore you to seek out a licensed professional instead. We’re like Mini Minors careening through the cake stalls at a county fair. We absolutely cannot be trusted to steer you aright.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Water Cure

“Drink.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Drink, I say! You look very thirsty.”

“But… Hey, what are you doing?!”

Streams of water pour on me. I try to face away… I try to cry foul… but my voice drowns in the streams.

“Drink!”

I splutter. I cough. A gray dusty clot, almost weightless, lays inside my empty head. Dehydrated words are tied in a bunch like Chinese tea.

“Drink!”

I choke. I’m full of water. The words start to spin in the whirlpool and swell. The words take shape and color. The gray dusty clot unfolds inside my head… blossoms… and slowly fills the entire space. Now there’s nothing except a big moist poem here. My head is full of the poem, like a tiny teapot with beautiful blooming tea.

“Well, my girl… Now… do you realize how much you were thirsty?”

“Screw you…”

I wipe my wet face and cuss mildly. She smiles and says something… but I don’t listen to her. I open my laptop. WP Admin, Posts, Add New…

by TETIANA ALEKSINA 
© All rights reserved 2015