Oops!… We Did It Again (the girl wore red)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2015-2018

T.U.F.T.

Red:
Once upon a time
you sought to make me jibbly,
like a high strung cat
in a room of rocking chairs.
Yeah, to catch me unawares.

Gray:
I’m a decent Wolf
with noble, argent frosting.
I’m a devotee
of traditional virtues
and classical demerits.

Red:
Ogled all you want
then got mad ’cos I don’t care,
big bad Mr Wolf.
No matter how hard you tried.
Stalking while I kept my stride.

Gray:
I consume infants
exclusively on Shabbat,
with Benedictions,
exalted piety, and
the moral standards of tales.

Red:
Bitch, you’re not hearing!
What’s with the home invasion?
You’re not welcome here
and no one eats my Grandma.
Yeah, I know you’re not her. Ha!

Gray:
What is this I hear?
Auh! Such a churl young lady!
Tell your melamed
he must do his work better!
Spare the rod and spoil the child!

Red:
Dolt! Isn’t the rod
more fun? Discipline is hot,
but you’re psychotic!
I don’t date nutters, you know.
You can never have me. Go!

Gray:
Aaron’s rod devours
the other rods… oh! Honey,
may we change a pose?
This danged tail rubs sore my ass!
Next time you’ll be Gray, OK?

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2015

a Storyteller

He comes every evening.

He sits near my bed and reads tales. The terrible tales.

How the Wolf devours Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White eats the poisoned apple and the Cruel Giant swallows Tom Thumb… Every evening, he ruins my naive childish dreams about the Perfect World. He calls this ‘adaptation’ and preparing for your adulthood’. And he leaves my room with a sense of accomplishment.

I cry… but not too long. I have a low level of adaptation… it’s written in my anamnesis, and I do believe in the power of written words. I just take a pen and start to correct every mistake… to repair the non-perfect, spoiled world.

Tom Thumb swallows cruel giants… Snow White hates apples… and Little Red Riding Hood devours wolves. That looks much better. I fall asleep with a smile… and with thoughts about this strange word… hyperlexia. It’s also written in my anamnesis. I don’t know what it means but I guess that it’s just a perfect name for one Beautiful Princess who steals the eggs of dragons

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2014

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood (by Gloom82)

The awesome illustration by Gloom82… it was love at first sight. Thank you very much for your works, Anton!

– Oh, grandmother, what big pears you have!
– Stop! What is this? What the bullshit did you say?

(The wolf stares at me… Damn! I always fail with accurate quoting!)

– You should say: ‘Oh, grandmother, what big ears you have!’

(I nod. My red cap slides down to my nose. But I don’t surrender.)

– Oh, grandmother, what big wands you have!
– Are you jeering at me? Hands! What big hands you have!

(I keep silence and wait. The wolf is looking at my resume.)

– I cannot understand how you coped with your role in ‘The Green Hornet’! Who is your custodian? I should devastate him! I gauge your dramatic talent like the dramatic talent of a fruticose lichen!

– I didn’t have a big role. I was a lame ship’s boy on the ark ‘Young liches’… and a corpse on the skiff in the next scene…

– And what are you doing here?! Why do you think you can cope with this role?

– I believe in myself… My grandmother always said…

(The wolf is almost growling. The wolf is almost ready. The wolf is almost near me…)

– Stop! Stop wasting my time! Get out!

(The wolf is bending over me… and I’m wresting his Adam’s apple.)

– My grandmother always said: ‘For be it my mask, or be it your blood, red will be the last color that you’ll ever see…’

(OMG! I’m a hero! I didn’t make a mistake in this quote!!)

…I come out to the yard. This morning I see gnomes around the adjacent pavilion. ‘Snow White’. I throw away my red cap and put on a white apron.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2014