On the way back to the house. I was glad there were parts hidden by the table.
Yes, not every sawing of a woman in half ends successfully.
—Tati & Tony (Grade Repeaters of the Copperfield School of Magic)
Dear Readers, we’ve seen many mad things made from SPAM® such as costumes, musical instruments, and even sports gear. However, we like to do even madder things with it. Is it possible to make something crazier than Sir Can-A-Lot or Can-Jo? Yes. Making answers to spam comments! Welcome to The Night of the SpamEaters®! (Don’t forget to put your bibs on!)
Baby security gates aгe typically made use of on staircases, entrances and somke uneven openings in thе residence.
Thank god for those security gates, eh? Babies are monsters, and they must be contained! Let’s stay vigilant so that we can escape this residence of evil alive!
—Tati & Tony (of the SpamEaters® Initiative)
(Anybody need seconds?)
TONY: What on Dawkins’s green earth are you doing?
TATI: I’m cleaning the folder with Splog™.
TONY: Splog™? I’ve no idea what that is.
TATI: I use it to get rid of blog spam.
TONY: Tati, I’ve told you a million times… You need to use Spamdex™. It’s much better!
TONY: SPAMdex™. You really need to work on your pronunciation.
TATI: Okey dokey… Spandex™.
TATI: Don’t piss me off. We need to do the next post!
TONY: Of course, of course. But first let’s see to our responses…
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7 Ways to Use Your Site to Generate Revenue:
1. Affiliate Marketing
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6. Membership Sites
7. Fuck 1-6, and invite Tati & Tony
– The Petitioners for the Canonisation of Joe Schmoe (God of SEO) League
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– The Battle for Laconia League
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And the Oscar goes to… Tati & Tony!
– The Blessed are They Who La La Believe League
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Thank god someone appreciates our efforts at hyperventilating! And we promise not only to pant, but to sneeze, spit and fart as well. And we’re not going to stop! In fact, we’ll expand the waistline of this weblog to encompass wheezing and expectorating too.
– The What is Natural is not Dirty League
just uneven sand/dirt. Would this create problem where cement would crack?
It could. Let’s just put a fun bouncy castle over the top instead and cook mud pies. Problem solved! (Well, until the Mole Bros. decide to crash the party with their sneaky, underhanded, tunneling ways…)
– The Holy Moly Whac-A-Mole Time! League
Dear readers, did you suppose we’d ever stop receiving spam? Nope. The onslaught continues! And so does our mission to respond to it all. Yup, this is one war we intend to win! So, we draw our lightsabers. We lower our visors. Rebellions are built on hope!
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We hope that institute of higher learning has a grammar department. Hell, even some avid advocates of corporal punishment would do. Someone needs to beat a healthy respect for basic sentence structure into you. Yeesh!
– Militant Grammar Nazis League
Thanks, Karen! I will post about the backsplash and a couple other details in the next week or two 🙂 I’ll try to remember and come back here and let you know when I do!
– Faustino Breaz
Dear Faustino, who’s Karen? And please don’t forget about our order! We need a nice front screen for protecting blogs from spam spatter. Model #NHDABBBRI2X10 should do. And it needs to be heated, self-cleaning and have Ukrainized menus.
– The You’d Better Bloody Send it or Else League
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Thank you. Now that we’re aware, we’ll nail a hanger for Princess Mary’s crown in the hallway. Please do visit us soon as we’ve never had tea and scones with royalty before! The theme of our discussion shall be ‘The pros and cons of quantum anarchy versus humdrum monarchy’. And the moderator? The March Hare! So, please do hurry. Limited seats are available!
– The RSVP Soon Our Once and Future Queen League
Now, wet bags are discreetly whisked off to be washed, or substituted with dry ones.
What the hell kind of bags are you talking about? Bladders? According to urologists aren’t those supposed to be wet?!
– For the Love of Criminy Don’t Put Them in an Industrial Dryer or They’ll Explode League
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Oh, sure. Let’s have ourselves a big old anal carnival. NOT!
– The Covering Our Tushies With Our Hands ’Cos We Don’t Trust You League
In 1937, long before either of us existed, spam was born. That predates the internet, kids. The freakin’ INTERNET! And instead of reading spam, people would eat it. The horror!
Still, that’s not as bad as what took place in 1965. Somewhere in a movie studio in Japan, a can of refrigerated spam was hit by a downed Soviet bomber, setting off a nuclear explosion which in turn caused Spamera to be born.
Spamera didn’t have an easy time growing up. He was both a bully and the bullied. Any time he used his immense turtle shell to crush his enemies, it only served to sink him into a deeper depression. He was a pacifist by nature but everyone wanted him to be mean because he looked mean. Talk about messed up!
It’s much like the spam that clogs our inbox on a daily basis. Messed up! Still, we try to be civil and answer it all. Well, sometimes we’re not so civil…
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Of course, Kiersten! We’re renowned experts in the field of ‘how to be happy for the really long run’. Unfortunately, the funeral guys took our pen and diary away. So we died. Damn.
– So Freaking Over the Moon League
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God. We’re so relieved. We were on the verge of shutting the blog down! Hell, we would’ve faded away to nothing had you decided not to come back and grace us with your magnificent magnanimosity of magisterial proportions. Truly, you are a king/queen/thing among… erm, other things!
– Your Groveling Sycophants of Pathetic Needy-Weediness League
Her work frequently appears on many Internet sites and on her own organizing site Clutter Free Living as well as in her monthly Home Organizing Newsletter How to Be Clutter Free
Yet how strangely cluttered your sentences and username are. Erm. Is that you, Tati?! Is there something you need to tell me? Am I taking up too much space here?
– The Something Something Fill-it-up-With-Anything League
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Oh my god. For a moment there I read this as ‘Fellatio’s tips’.
– The Just Putting That Out There League