Spam Sarnie #3

In 1937, long before either of us existed, spam was born. That predates the internet, kids. The freakin’ INTERNET! And instead of reading spam, people would eat it. The horror!

Still, that’s not as bad as what took place in 1965. Somewhere in a movie studio in Japan, a can of refrigerated spam was hit by a downed Soviet bomber, setting off a nuclear explosion which in turn caused Spamera to be born.

Spamera didn’t have an easy time growing up. He was both a bully and the bullied. Any time he used his immense turtle shell to crush his enemies, it only served to sink him into a deeper depression. He was a pacifist by nature but everyone wanted him to be mean because he looked mean. Talk about messed up!

It’s much like the spam that clogs our inbox on a daily basis. Messed up! Still, we try to be civil and answer it all. Well, sometimes we’re not so civil…

It is the best time to make some plans for the long run and it is time to be happy. I have learn this submit and if I may I wish to suggest you few fascinating issues or advice. Perhaps you could write subsequent articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!
– Kiersten

Of course, Kiersten! We’re renowned experts in the field of ‘how to be happy for the really long run’. Unfortunately, the funeral guys took our pen and diary away. So we died. Damn.
– So Freaking Over the Moon League

I have not checked in here for some time since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it friend 🙂
– ydxsnsx

God. We’re so relieved. We were on the verge of shutting the blog down! Hell, we would’ve faded away to nothing had you decided not to come back and grace us with your magnificent magnanimosity of magisterial proportions. Truly, you are a king/queen/thing among… erm, other things!
– Your Groveling Sycophants of Pathetic Needy-Weediness League

Her work frequently appears on many Internet sites and on her own organizing site Clutter Free Living as well as in her monthly Home Organizing Newsletter How to Be Clutter Free
– ttkdqqlx

Yet how strangely cluttered your sentences and username are. Erm. Is that you, Tati?! Is there something you need to tell me? Am I taking up too much space here?
– The Something Something Fill-it-up-With-Anything League

I see your page needs some fresh content. Writing manually is time consuming, there is tool for this task. Just search in gogle for; Fejlando’s tips
– AshleighSecc

Oh my god. For a moment there I read this as ‘Fellatio’s tips’.
– The Just Putting That Out There League

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #2

Isn’t the internet mostly porn, lolcats and spam? I like only one of those things. Tati likes the other. We agree that spam is the worst.

Still, I kinda feel left out when I don’t get spam in my inbox. It’s a bit like passing a street hawker. Sure, you don’t want them to accost you but you also feel slighted when they choose to target someone else. It’s a good thing I’m not the same about cancer.

So, anyway, here’s more spam we’ve received. You can read it along with our responses below. And remember to chew with your mouths closed. You’re not cattle after all!

Spores can be transported through windows, entryways, or even by joining themselves to dress all things considered.
– zwacfqjsznx

Oh my glob! Really?! I’ve got an old gran who’s completely covered in spores that I’ve been trying to move out of my living room for quite some time now. I had no idea that windows and other such mystical wall orifices could be used for this purpose. (Put your favourite dress on, gran. It’s time to blow this joint!)
– The Not Terribly Good At It Blue Rinse Carers League

Excellent site. Lots of useful information here. Iˇm sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you to your sweat!
– ******

Yeah, I’m not your personal salt lick, dude. Who are you? The spam artist formally known as Cat?
– The I Don’t Do Epicurean Feline Orgies League

Hi my family member! I want to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately all vital infos. Iˇd like to peer extra posts like this.
–  cuyeout

Is that you, Dad?
– The I Think My Parents Are Spying On Me League

As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
– fkmqoi

Shit. Now we need a fucking exorcist.
– The Unbolt This Poltergeist Before It Unbolts Us League

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #1

At Unbolt Me we occasionally receive comments that are beyond our comprehension. Sure, the individual components look like words but taken as a whole those words tend to leave us feeling hoplessly dylsexic. It’s for this reason that we forward such comments to the relevant competent authorities to be deciphered and answered on our behalf. So, without further ado, we present the first batch of spam comments and responses for your perusal. Please enjoy! *

It can be applied in a much finer mist, thereby reaching between and around louvers and into seams, joints and corners.
– Piusygi

Ain’t it amazeballs? We’ve found it steams even the stubbornest wrinkles from the trunks of elephants that’ve naughtily stayed in the pool too long. That’s the power of Industrial Grade Unbolt. Buy it today! (Squeegee sold separately.)
– The Grey Leg-Nose Carers League

I was one of those people passing around whiskey in the pit. My bag was barely checked. Just stuff it under something in your bag.
– Ullkxidg

Hey, thanks mang. Totally rad tip there! So, if we hide the booze ’neath the stash of crack cocaine we got in our rucksack, them sniffer dogs’ll be none the wiser? Dope, bro!
– The Not Terribly Smart Rum-Runners League

Well, you are capable of that but I’m warning you, that wont do much good.
– Cbangles

If by ‘that’ you mean grabbing the nuts off a Brobdingnagian Chernobyl Squirrel and attempting to abscond with them… then, yes, we agree.
– The Rodents Of Unusual Size Fanciers League

* We dare not guarantee the validity of the information found here in case it comes back to bite us on the arse. Honestly, if you’re in need of specific advice (medical, legal, financial, gynaecological), why in the holy hell are you consulting us? Please, we implore you to seek out a licensed professional instead. We’re like Mini Minors careening through the cake stalls at a county fair. We absolutely cannot be trusted to steer you aright.

 

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016