Tag Archives: Tetiana Aleksina

Moses and the Open Eyed Sneeze (Chapter One)

1 God, my head is throbbing!

2 Moses has been donged with a donger, and not just any old donger but a replica of his own donger. It’s not often that an imitation phallus is used to stave your pate in on a date. 3 And not only that, it has a more pleasing heft and rigidity to it than your unconvincing flop of nutmeat ever will. It’s the oaken tree root to your withered sapling. 4 The humiliation!

5 Ruefully, he shakes his head. Moses can’t understand why she doesn’t like his gift. Zipporah can be so unreasonable! 6 His eyes follow the sway of her hips as, zephyr-like, she sweeps out of the kafestiatório with her new dildo in hand. 7 Even now, in her great anger, she moves with the fluidity of a belly dancer.

8 God, she’s enchanting…

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

THE CRUMBCAST // Simon Says and the Fresh New Hell

Argh, it looks like I let my guard down! It was another nice and unalarming evening. I was not doing any mischief, not touching anyone, fixing the Primus and stewing in my reflective juices…

“HULLO!”

Tony decided not to sweat about politeness and just poked his head through my window. Yuck! Time differences are tricky things when you’re halfway sleepy, and your writing companion is boiling and spluttering with words and emotions at the other end.

Oh my God! Did he want to talk about God?! No-no-no, may God keep me from discussions of God! With my brain on autopilot, I muttered something in Ukrainian. Maybe I didn’t even realize this at the time. All I know is that Tony stopped speaking and goggled at me.

“Ah, what?”

Oh… I explained that “Слава Богу, Бога немає. А якщо, не дай Боже, Бог таки є?” roughly translated meant, “Thank God, no God. And if, God forbid, God is still there?” Tony was like, “Okay, I still have no idea what you meant, but… sure!” and giggled. I don’t know why. Maybe my Ukrainian seemed funny to him.

I decided to give him a second chance. “It’s an oxymoron. Nonsense. Like that anecdote about the doctor and his patient.” Tony’s eyes lit up with interest. “Oh, what’s the anecdote? I like anecdotes!” I sighed and said, “A doctor wakes a patient by saying, ‘Patient, wake up! It’s time to take your sleep-pills!’” Tony chuckled at this.

“Yes, I definitely need to use this in my podcast…”

Why didn’t I pay attention to his fuss? Again, blame it on my drowsiness. Well, guys, що маємо, те маємо. Here you can listen how Tony parrots my Ukrainian, prattles something about Stalin and Simpson… and maybe something else. I fell asleep in five minutes, to be honest, and didn’t listen to all that Tony craved to tell me. Maybe you, my dear reader, can listen to the end?

This is a bit strange, but if you want to listen to the sound then you should click on the picture below. Yes, it’s real magic in the digital world, I tell ya!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

GUEST POST // Eucharistic Liturgy of Lurid Life by Jonathan Noble & Tetiana Aleksina

Wraiths unseen creep in blight neath bed of night;
I belong to them, I am their birthright;
I long for them, sick in soul, and in their sight
Sit in shame like worthless baggage claim;
I am a merely pathetic acolyte
To perform unholy rite of morbid plight,

To cover the altar with a red baize,
To light poison incense in pretense of praise,
To robe a lump of clay of hard black glaze,
To spread bad bread to supplicants in puzzlement
As pyres are lit in fires for sullied, sordid men
Screaming with no more dreaming of redemption!

by JONATHAN NOBLE & TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2016

Six Word Stories #10

Shaken, not stirred… Your order, Countess!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2016

Oops!… We Did It Again (Wardrobe (Half Empty or Full?))

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016-2018