Author Archives: Tony Single

CRACKED FABLES // The Ant and the Cicada

Imagine, if you will, a field in Boring, Oregano. It’s a blisteringly hot summer’s day–the kind that makes bark peel off trees to find shelter from the sun’s calamitous gaze.

Cicada is lazing about wearing his customary bling. He’s chomping down on stogies while flipping through the latest copy of Big Buzzo Jumblies. This is what you do when you’re young, dumb and full of hum.

Ant, meanwhile, is nearby, huffing and puffing with a heavy trolley load of corn ears and woodworking equipment. She’s taking these essentials back to her place. She’s got a big project in mind…

“Wassup playa!” says Cicada. “Haul ovah’n rap wit’ me ’steada toilin’ moilin’ tha whole dam’ day!”

“I beg your pardon?” says Ant.

“Holla at’cha, yo!” says Cicada. “Hang wit’ me ho, ’steada slayin’ biz wit’ da wheel whizz!”

“I have no idea what you’re saying,” says Ant. “You do realise you’re not a gangsta rapper, don’t you?”

“Dawg, I’s that’n a bag o’ potata chips!” says Cicada. “Badassical!”

“I see,” says Ant, not seeing. “Here I am trying to build a shelter and lay up food for the winter, and all you can do is waste time showing off your posing pouch and speaking gibberish.”

“Yo, winta ain’t no thing but a chick’n wing!” says Cicada. “Sitch is I’skin already gets me eats an’ alcamahol and tasty blo’ hos any time I want!”

“Ooohhh-kay,” says Ant, rolling her eyes. “Have a wonderful summer then.”

Ant goes on her way to begin preparations. She sets about converting her place into a cosy, fifteen bedroom tree house with a spacious observation deck and outdoor heating. It’s from here that she plans to spend the winter, kicking back with a hot toddy, warm muff, and popcorn to view the Pleiades in all its stellar goodness. She’s really thought this through, you see, and stocks her new home with more ears of corn than one can poke ears of corn at. When the renovation is complete, Ant names the revamped abode Lady of Patience.

Winter eventually rolls around like a dial on an oven set to ‘Off’ and, predictably, Cicada has no food left by this point. He’s dying of malnutrition in a gutter. His rudey dudey mags have blown away to more clement climes. Even his bling has lost its zing. Ant, on the other hand, is spending every day on her deck, nibbling hot buttered, microwave nuked popcorn from the stores that she’d collected in the summer.

Cicada looks up from his self-inflicted misery and sees this. He finally swallows his pride, drags his sorry, withered arse to Ant’s door… and knocks. It opens, and there she is, looking down at him. His mouth opens–as if to say something contrite–then, changing his mind, he pulls out a piece, guns her down and takes all her stuff.

The moral of the story? “Good things come to those that wait.” Sure. Why the hell not.

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

GUEST POST // Did by Pixie Annie

Did you ever stop to think
that the world might not be round
or if pigs can really fly because
I’ve only seen them on the ground

did you ever stop to think
that the sky might not be blue
or if money grows on trees
would we know just what to do

did you ever stop to think
that a heart could really break
or if dogs are really man’s best friend
that we ought to feed them steak

did you ever stop to think
that we forgot how to be kind
or if miracles do really happen
that our greed it made us blind

did you ever to stop to think
that love might not be in the air
or if crocodiles can really cry
that it’s never too late to care

by PIXIE ANNIE
© All rights reserved 2016

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #2

(Dear readers, feel free to click on the image in order to embiggen it. Go on. Clicking things is fun. We promise!)

Guys, we know that, like us, some of you dream of being professional writers. We promise to tell you the details of this process, to share with you our experiences, and together come to our dream.

But we suspect that some of you are eager to try yourselves as literary critics. (It’s such fun to criticize others, don’t you think?) So, for those of you who want to test this… guys, we’re ready to be your Guinea pigs!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Oops!… We Did It Again (anastasis tree)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016-2018

GUEST POST // Sankara by Gaiyaiobi Xzandis-Zaevan

Sankara parks her car in front of the house of Jewel Williamson. He is one of the most notorious criminals in recent history. In Sanctuary County, his criminal mastery is legendary. He has taken many other crime houses down to become the kingpin, but has managed to aggregate those houses with his own, by properly rewarding his former enemies and their crew.

Now he is a target. Jewel knows the people are in favor of dismantling his organization. He is paranoid about being assassinated or imprisoned. Taking all necessary precautions with security detail; cameras, guards, weapons, and law enforcement pay-offs. Jewel is extremely guarded with his hormonal explosions; in other words he does not even rest his suspicions for pretty women and his urges to have sex with them.

Sankara piquing his interest has been a surprise to many of his close associates. She has been in his life for a whopping six months this evening and things are going strong. She could be the one; the one to capture his heart, and the one to take his life.

She is the perfect assassin because she is unsuspecting. She is not classically beautiful, full-figured, and is personable but coy. With her afro and casual style of dress, Sankara is seen as just another girl from around the way. Jewel’s enemies are hoping she will be able to disarm him enough to damage his empire and at best kill him.

Tonight Sankara has been ordered to kill him, but she is feeling conflicted. Besides building his wealth through illegal business and political loopholes, she has no concrete reason to despise him and kill him in cold blood. He is sending underprivileged children to school, buying every child an I-pad, protecting women from being raped, pays cops extra income to ensure that neighborhoods were safe at wee hours for working mothers coming home during those times, and providing investment capital to local upstart businesses. Except for having a slight temper in a business dealing gone haywire, she hasn’t seen evidence of him being the evil person the national law enforcement agencies or his local enemies has painted him to be.

A gentleman with that street SWAG he possesses has her impressed. He stands in the doorway and welcomes her into his bachelor pad, which is everything she expects from a single man; simple and plain furnishings. She smiles. “You know for a wealthy man you have terrible decorating skills,” she says with a grin.

“Well maybe it’s time I find a beautiful lady like yourself to make it complete, ya know? With all the necessary stylish décor and whatnot.”

“Perhaps.”

“I think it’s about time I start to focus on retiring from this crazy racket and leave a successor to handle things from here. What you think baby girl?”

“That sounds great. What you plan to do in retirement?”

“Relax. I don’t know. Go see something different in the world. Maybe spend the rest of my days with you.”

Her heart rate begins to accelerate. Her thoughts begin to spin in a chaotic orbit. “That sounds inviting,” she finally lets the words escape from her.

“We should toast to our future together baby,” he says as he goes to grab a bottle of expensive wine he had imported from Argentina.

“Yes we should,” she says with a smile.

He pops the cork and pours the wine into two decorative wine glasses. “Wow. Nice glasses. Okay so there is some hope for you and achieving style,” she says with a smile.

Jewel offers a shy grin and hands her the glass of wine. He places the glass to his lips but doesn’t sip. He watches her take a couple sips then set the glass on the nearest table. It only takes a minute before she begins to feel queasy and falls onto the sofa. Sankara cannot speak. She struggles as Jewel steps to her.

“Amazing what a little succinylcholine can do, huh? I’m sorry Sankara,” Jewel says, “I hate to see this happen to you. I hate to have to do this to you. I really did like you, but in this savage jungle no one can be trusted. I knew you were working for the Feds and Kayo. He’s really got it in for me, huh? So I will send your body to him with the message.”

As she draws her final breath, Jewel says aloud, “The message: the war is back on Kayo.”

by GAIYAIOBI XZANDIS-ZAEVAN
© All rights reserved 2016