Tag Archives: Sex toys

the hagiography of lilith’s nethers (adult readers only)

DISCLAIMER: We recently received an email from WordPress warning us that a certain site—that we supposedly run—would be closed down because we’d posted materials of a pornographic nature. They later admitted that they’d made an error and had mistaken us for that site, but we’re still feeling rather confused. Do they really think we deal in stupid porn plots? No, stupid porn plots is not our thing! Our porn plots are always witty, funny and excursive in the extreme! So, meet and greet our sweet little revenge, and further proof of our professional aptitude.

lilith, the first wife of adam
ditched him for mad ol’ saddam
then got married to travolta

but after his hepcat twist with uma
she had a fling with an oompa-loompa
this pushed her to become a nun

but the god of eden was dead boring
so lilith went and got with göring
made some smut with a minolta

they cross-dressed and they did porn
but on this lilith soon heaped scorn
after that mishap she had with a gun

with this she found no satisfaction
and indeed no sexual distraction
‘cos it merely fired pathetic blanks

so lilith made an appointment
to let god know of her disappointment
with a loud “what the actual fuck?”

then, on sunday, instead of resting
god did some vital sex toy testing
so lilith could have a proper wank

after copping many a bloody callus
god finally blessed a silicone phallus
for lilith to have and to hold… and shuck

Censor Me

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2023

Spam Sarnie #4

Dear readers, did you suppose we’d ever stop receiving spam? Nope. The onslaught continues! And so does our mission to respond to it all. Yup, this is one war we intend to win! So, we draw our lightsabers. We lower our visors. Rebellions are built on hope!

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We hope that institute of higher learning has a grammar department. Hell, even some avid advocates of corporal punishment would do. Someone needs to beat a healthy respect for basic sentence structure into you. Yeesh!
– Militant Grammar Nazis League

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– Faustino Breaz

Dear Faustino, who’s Karen? And please don’t forget about our order! We need a nice front screen for protecting blogs from spam spatter. Model #NHDABBBRI2X10 should do. And it needs to be heated, self-cleaning and have Ukrainized menus.
– The You’d Better Bloody Send it or Else League

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Thank you. Now that we’re aware, we’ll nail a hanger for Princess Mary’s crown in the hallway. Please do visit us soon as we’ve never had tea and scones with royalty before! The theme of our discussion shall be ‘The pros and cons of quantum anarchy versus humdrum monarchy’. And the moderator? The March Hare! So, please do hurry. Limited seats are available!
– The RSVP Soon Our Once and Future Queen League

Now, wet bags are discreetly whisked off to be washed, or substituted with dry ones.
– iljqvkaru

What the hell kind of bags are you talking about? Bladders? According to urologists aren’t those supposed to be wet?!
– For the Love of Criminy Don’t Put Them in an Industrial Dryer or They’ll Explode League

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– anal sex toys

Oh, sure. Let’s have ourselves a big old anal carnival. NOT!
– The Covering Our Tushies With Our Hands ’Cos We Don’t Trust You League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016