Category Archives: AWARDS & OTHER POSTS

You be the Judge

Sisterhood Forum International spokeswoman Mildred Tankard Smith was quoted as saying: “This is demeaning, inappropriate and troubling.”

Internationally acclaimed writer extraordinaire Tetiana Hennadiyivna Aleksina was quoted as saying: “Anyone care for a beer?”

Internationally maligned artistic ne’er-do-well Anthony James Single was quoted as saying: “I just like drawing boobies.”

Who cares if we’re about to be wildly improper? We don’t. It’s new Crumble Cult. It’s coming soon.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #2

Isn’t the internet mostly porn, lolcats and spam? I like only one of those things. Tati likes the other. We agree that spam is the worst.

Still, I kinda feel left out when I don’t get spam in my inbox. It’s a bit like passing a street hawker. Sure, you don’t want them to accost you but you also feel slighted when they choose to target someone else. It’s a good thing I’m not the same about cancer.

So, anyway, here’s more spam we’ve received. You can read it along with our responses below. And remember to chew with your mouths closed. You’re not cattle after all!

Spores can be transported through windows, entryways, or even by joining themselves to dress all things considered.
– zwacfqjsznx

Oh my glob! Really?! I’ve got an old gran who’s completely covered in spores that I’ve been trying to move out of my living room for quite some time now. I had no idea that windows and other such mystical wall orifices could be used for this purpose. (Put your favourite dress on, gran. It’s time to blow this joint!)
– The Not Terribly Good At It Blue Rinse Carers League

Excellent site. Lots of useful information here. Iˇm sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you to your sweat!
– ******

Yeah, I’m not your personal salt lick, dude. Who are you? The spam artist formally known as Cat?
– The I Don’t Do Epicurean Feline Orgies League

Hi my family member! I want to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately all vital infos. Iˇd like to peer extra posts like this.
–  cuyeout

Is that you, Dad?
– The I Think My Parents Are Spying On Me League

As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
– fkmqoi

Shit. Now we need a fucking exorcist.
– The Unbolt This Poltergeist Before It Unbolts Us League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Our Pathetic Sales Pitch

Guess what? We’re already prepping our second book. “Say what?” we hear you cry. “The second?!” Oh yes, the second!

Huh? What’s that? You haven’t heard about the first? Shame on you! Go and check it out here and… well, maybe buy a copy? Is that too brazen for us to say? Yeah, it probably is. Sorry! (Damn. We suck at this marketing thing.)

Anyway, you’ll be seeing some art related to our second book soon. In the meantime, here’s a drawing of us that we’ll be splashing all over some upcoming Unbolt Me merchandise. Exciting times!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #1

At Unbolt Me we occasionally receive comments that are beyond our comprehension. Sure, the individual components look like words but taken as a whole those words tend to leave us feeling hoplessly dylsexic. It’s for this reason that we forward such comments to the relevant competent authorities to be deciphered and answered on our behalf. So, without further ado, we present the first batch of spam comments and responses for your perusal. Please enjoy! *

It can be applied in a much finer mist, thereby reaching between and around louvers and into seams, joints and corners.
– Piusygi

Ain’t it amazeballs? We’ve found it steams even the stubbornest wrinkles from the trunks of elephants that’ve naughtily stayed in the pool too long. That’s the power of Industrial Grade Unbolt™. Buy it today! (Squeegee sold separately.)
– The Grey Leg-Nose Carers League

I was one of those people passing around whiskey in the pit. My bag was barely checked. Just stuff it under something in your bag.
– Ullkxidg

Hey, thanks mang. Totally rad tip there! So, if we hide the booze ’neath the stash of crack cocaine we got in our rucksack, them sniffer dogs’ll be none the wiser? Dope, bro!
– The Not Terribly Smart Rum-Runners League

Well, you are capable of that but I’m warning you, that wont do much good.
– Cbangles

If by ‘that’ you mean grabbing the nuts off a Brobdingnagian Chernobyl Squirrel and attempting to abscond with them… then, yes, we agree.
– The Rodents Of Unusual Size Fanciers League

* We dare not guarantee the validity of the information found here in case it comes back to bite us on the arse. Honestly, if you’re in need of specific advice (medical, legal, financial, gynaecological), why in the holy hell are you consulting us? Please, we implore you to seek out a licensed professional instead. We’re like Mini Minors careening through the cake stalls at a county fair. We absolutely cannot be trusted to steer you aright.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

1, 2, 3… Aspirate!

Gentle readers, were you aware that ‘aspiration’ has two meanings?

Of course, ‘aspiration’ usually refers to hope or a strong desire to achieve something, but it also refers to the mundane yet necessary process of breathing in and out. We cannot have one thing without the other. You see, hope is absent when we’re no longer breathing. And breathing without hope is like being dead already.

As long as we’re still standing here breathing then let’s aspirate, yes? Let’s dare to reach for the impossible–even if just for a short time–for tomorrow’s a blank page that hasn’t been promised to us. So, shall we fill the blank page that sits here with us today? Right now? In this very hour? Yes. Let’s do that instead of waiting for tomorrow’s pages.

We’ve had a wonderful year at Unbolt. Tony joined the fold and filled up the space with words to complement Tati’s own. We featured some of our treasured readers’ own works. And we received quite a number of awards and writing challenges too!

To celebrate the amazing year that was, we at Unbolt have put together two pages dedicated to the awards and writing challenges we’ve received so far. Why have we done this? Because we want to share those awards and writing challenges with you, dear readers. It’s our way of saying thank you for your support. You mean a lot to us. We want you to know that we appreciate every single one of you! So, please, feel free to click through to the Choose Your Award! and Choose Your Challenge! pages, and have fun!

Oh, and may we also wish you a Happy New Year? Yes, a new start full of breathing and aspiration. Just what the doctor ordered!

Yours ever,
Tati & Tony

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016