GUEST POST // Eucharistic Liturgy of Lurid Life by Jonathan Noble & Tetiana Aleksina

Wraiths unseen creep in blight neath bed of night;
I belong to them, I am their birthright;
I long for them, sick in soul, and in their sight
Sit in shame like worthless baggage claim;
I am a merely pathetic acolyte
To perform unholy rite of morbid plight,

To cover the altar with a red baize,
To light poison incense in pretense of praise,
To robe a lump of clay of hard black glaze,
To spread bad bread to supplicants in puzzlement
As pyres are lit in fires for sullied, sordid men
Screaming with no more dreaming of redemption!

by JONATHAN NOBLE & TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2016

Spam Sarnie #2

Isn’t the internet mostly porn, lolcats and spam? I like only one of those things. Tati likes the other. We agree that spam is the worst.

Still, I kinda feel left out when I don’t get spam in my inbox. It’s a bit like passing a street hawker. Sure, you don’t want them to accost you but you also feel slighted when they choose to target someone else. It’s a good thing I’m not the same about cancer.

So, anyway, here’s more spam we’ve received. You can read it along with our responses below. And remember to chew with your mouths closed. You’re not cattle after all!

Spores can be transported through windows, entryways, or even by joining themselves to dress all things considered.
– zwacfqjsznx

Oh my glob! Really?! I’ve got an old gran who’s completely covered in spores that I’ve been trying to move out of my living room for quite some time now. I had no idea that windows and other such mystical wall orifices could be used for this purpose. (Put your favourite dress on, gran. It’s time to blow this joint!)
– The Not Terribly Good At It Blue Rinse Carers League

Excellent site. Lots of useful information here. Iˇm sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you to your sweat!
– ******

Yeah, I’m not your personal salt lick, dude. Who are you? The spam artist formally known as Cat?
– The I Don’t Do Epicurean Feline Orgies League

Hi my family member! I want to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately all vital infos. Iˇd like to peer extra posts like this.
–  cuyeout

Is that you, Dad?
– The I Think My Parents Are Spying On Me League

As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
– fkmqoi

Shit. Now we need a fucking exorcist.
– The Unbolt This Poltergeist Before It Unbolts Us League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Dog Days (Postcard Set #4)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Six Word Stories Omnibus: Volume Four

Hemingway sawed a cello to death.
Stole a urinal from a bar.
Still he was a literary star.
Hoover was jealous of his talent,
But we don’t have to be.
Behold! The stories below of thee!

Story 1:
Wow! I am most truly honored!
Story 2:
I cannot breathe in the kiss.
Story 3:
I see what you both did.
by Gregory Stackpole

Story 4:
She inhaled deeply. Oh, the pressure!
by Sarah Jayne Nantais

Story 5:
My eye opened, small man inside.
by J. Zorro Kennon

Story 6:
He was your mother, you fool!
by The Scarlet Swallow

Story 7:
Oops! I missed all the fun!
by Kay Geegh

Story 8:
The sun set. Their souls rose.
by Aaron Farrell

Story 9:
Till we meet again, dear friend.
Story 10:
To separate from mediocrity, become unbolted!
Story 11:
From far away, it was clear.
Story 12:
She was enticed by his glance.
Story 13:
With temptation comes the ultimate penalty.
Story 14:
Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Story 15:
I will only say this once!
Story 16:
Ok… maybe I’ll say it twice.
Story 17:
Do those count as six words?
Story 18:
The ultimate temptation; the forbidden fruit.
Story 19:
Help is on the way, ma’am!
Story 20:
Her body melted into his arms.
by Robert Charles

Story 21:
Unyielding, her sorrow refuses to release.
by Katherine Marguerite

Story 22:
Off she walked, towards the light.
by Dprssdmind

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Our Pathetic Sales Pitch

Guess what? We’re already prepping our second book. “Say what?” we hear you cry. “The second?!” Oh yes, the second!

Huh? What’s that? You haven’t heard about the first? Shame on you! Go and check it out here and… well, maybe buy a copy? Is that too brazen for us to say? Yeah, it probably is. Sorry! (Damn. We suck at this marketing thing.)

Anyway, you’ll be seeing some art related to our second book soon. In the meantime, here’s a drawing of us that we’ll be splashing all over some upcoming Unbolt Me merchandise. Exciting times!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016