Tag Archives: Family

Spam Sarnie #2

Isn’t the internet mostly porn, lolcats and spam? I like only one of those things. Tati likes the other. We agree that spam is the worst.

Still, I kinda feel left out when I don’t get spam in my inbox. It’s a bit like passing a street hawker. Sure, you don’t want them to accost you but you also feel slighted when they choose to target someone else. It’s a good thing I’m not the same about cancer.

So, anyway, here’s more spam we’ve received. You can read it along with our responses below. And remember to chew with your mouths closed. You’re not cattle after all!

Spores can be transported through windows, entryways, or even by joining themselves to dress all things considered.
– zwacfqjsznx

Oh my glob! Really?! I’ve got an old gran who’s completely covered in spores that I’ve been trying to move out of my living room for quite some time now. I had no idea that windows and other such mystical wall orifices could be used for this purpose. (Put your favourite dress on, gran. It’s time to blow this joint!)
– The Not Terribly Good At It Blue Rinse Carers League

Excellent site. Lots of useful information here. Iˇm sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you to your sweat!
– ******

Yeah, I’m not your personal salt lick, dude. Who are you? The spam artist formally known as Cat?
– The I Don’t Do Epicurean Feline Orgies League

Hi my family member! I want to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately all vital infos. Iˇd like to peer extra posts like this.
–  cuyeout

Is that you, Dad?
– The I Think My Parents Are Spying On Me League

As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
– fkmqoi

Shit. Now we need a fucking exorcist.
– The Unbolt This Poltergeist Before It Unbolts Us League

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

The Odd Days & Life of Elatha Jarlath McGhille. Part 0. Prologue ~ The one came in from the cold collaboration

I love collaborations.
I do love collaborations.

LOL! Deja vu, yes?

Well, guys, I know, the less I write, the less mistakes I make. I just want to say that I’m happy to show you my second collaboration with Greg. No, I haven’t learnt more about Greg during the last month. The color of his eyes and his blood type stay a big mystery for me still. And his zodiac sign too… But, do you know, I don’t care! His sparkling talent and his twisted imagination are enough for me. Just relax… take it easy… and have great fun with us!

celtic arm band tat tattoo 02

he was taught to do multitude ingenious things
carving fine soap bubbles and beading tissue wings
…an inevitable interruption of such teachings
midnight phantasmagoria, suspected visions

as barking wings crawl along his wall as shadows.
fright? no. impressed… then comes the invitations –
join to the Halloween party in the gingerbread house!
guest stars are Koschei the Immortal and Mickey Mouse!

no. impressed… he throws the flier into the bin
and greets an old banshee, sipping acrid gin
“Aha! Haha!” she yells then claps her hands
a moment of mental illumination perhaps. She stands

then begins to sing songs off and on key surprisingly
Rock&Roll-Old Soul-R&B… then empties her bags for him to see
an ‘A-minor’ whistle, two vials with scalding tears, false nails,
a half-finished piece of knitting, a book with Celtic fairy tales…

“Where are my glasses?” “On your head… shoo!” (the barking wings
try to filch a clew from the bag) “Shoo!! I’ll clip your hamstrings!”
She clips at the air with her scissors,
like a pair of hand hedge trimmers,

“WTF!” yelled the barking wing
Her response, “You’re gonna have ta learn ta respect somethin’.”
He laughs up his sleeve at this innocent bustle
they adore each other, it’s a friendly hustle…

“Hey, guys!” And all of a sudden… a picture becomes indistinct…
White coats… and an agitated voice, “Fetch a doctor! He winked!”
Alarms sound. Kisses in stitches on rolling stretchers. She stares.
Returns wink and smile. “Tell ’em don’t mess up my hair.”

…this case was unique, doctors couldn’t understand
why this young guy doesn’t want to leave his dreamland.
This old harridan is a fatal case, yes, but this boy…
His coma seems so artificial. It looks like a ploy!

He just doesn’t want to live… and his happy pale face looks uncanny.
A medical ventilator is switched on. “Hey! I’m home, granny!”
With a crooked smile, a grimace, a hug and a kiss
She says to him, “Finally an end to all of this.”

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & GREGORY WAITS JR.
© All rights reserved 2015

Oops!… We Did It Again (Culling)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2015-2018

Ich Rumpelstilzchen Heißen!

“Let’s open a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and pour out our lives, let’s make it colourful!”

Hey, buddies! Where are your wineglasses? Don’t be shy! Come on!

Joseph's avatarA Cup of Joe

9351297_orig

bg-quote1Heute back ich, morgen brau ich,
übermorgen hol ich der Königin ihr Kind;
ach, wie gut, dass niemand weiß,
dass ich Rumpelstilzchen heiß!

My mysterious Ukrainian friend wrote those lines to me a few days back, when I told her that I like to call myself Rumpelstiltskin. I don’t speak German, so I had to whip out J.A.R.V.I.S. (my phone) and puzzle out the translation. I could guess what those lines would be, but I like solving puzzles and this to me was nothing less. I read the lines out smiling to myself.

Fairy tales always take me back to a cozy and peaceful place in time; curled up in bed with my dad or mum reading from a big book of tales. Then ever so slowly the sandman would come riding on moonbeams and take me away to Neverland. Story telling is an art, and my parents will…

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