Author Archives: Tony Single

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #8

crumble-cult-210

Tati as TATI

crumble-cult-106

Tony as TONY

ACT 11 SCENE 7
MONEY BURNING A HOLE IN MY POCKET

Tati is reading an advertising booklet.

TATI: (calling out) Is $22 worth much in today’s economy?

TONY: (from another room) I have no idea. Depends on which economy!

TATI: (to herself) We should drink away our first income.

TONY: I heard that! And, no, we shouldn’t!

Tony enters the room, a disapproving look on his face. Tati holds up the booklet for him to see.

TATI: Look. Hennessy VS 0.5l, Gift Pack for $22!

TONY: NO! What the hell is wrong with you? Are you some kinda lush?

Tati pouts, then her face lights up as something else comes to mind.

TATI : We should spend it on something nice like… HATS! We can buy hats for doves in the park.

Tony does a massive facepalm.

TATI: (a little less convincingly) For the sake of their heads… So the sun doesn’t cook them?

TONY: Jesus. What is the difference between drinking away this money and buying headwear for birds?

Tati pouts again.

TONY: (ruefully) Well, I guess the birds would benefit more than your liver…

TATI: Fine. What do you reckon we should do with the first income from our Patreon page?

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Hey, Dear Readers, would you like to read more? Would you like to know how wisely Tati and Tony disposed of their $22? Then why not pop on over here? We’d love for you to see the hard work we’ve done on our new Patreon page. There’s no entrance fee, we promise!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

GUEST POST // Bee There by Spahr Plops

bee the buzz
from Flora juices
Bee delighted about
intoxication.

Sip a lip the same
frame of forever.
bee filled with hop
budof hope & wonder

sought to fascinate
mundane pollinate.
Too bee sets shadow
seekless when Spring.

Bee mindful in offering
ambrosia cotton surround
Sound of solitude. bee life
the allergic unconscious.

by SPAHR PLOPS
© All rights reserved 2017

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #7

crumble-cult-210

Tati as TATI

crumble-cult-106

Tony as TONY

ACT 10 SCENE 2
THROUGH THE BLOWING HOLE

Tony comes into the room with a sad face.

TONY: I have news.

Tati blows soap bubbles from a little bubble wand.

TONY: Actually, it’s two pieces of news. Which first? Do you want the good news or the bad news?

TATI: Start with the good.

TONY: Okay, well… Ray gave Mooreeffoc five stars and wrote a brilliant review.

Tati continues to blow bubbles. It looks like she’s trying to get a very big one, but it bursts every time. Tony looks quite annoyed.

TONY: Tati?

TATI: Yes, I’ve heard.

She continues to blow. When another bubble bursts, she says crossly…

TATI: So, shoot! Give me your bad news!

TONY: Ray then gave One Pulse one star and wrote a… well, less brilliant review.

Tati has switched tactics now. She’s begun to blow as many small bubbles as possible.

TATI: Yes, I got you the first time. What’s the bad news?

Tony looks embarrassed. The bubbles have begun clinging to his head. He now looks like Bozo the Clown with frothy hair.

TONY: Five stars. One star. Good news. Bad news. I guess it’s all the same to you, huh?

TATI: If we want only five star reviews, we should ask our moms to write them.

TONY: But don’t we want that? Five star reviews make us look good, and hopefully we sell more copies that way.

TATI: Dunderhead! Every opinion counts! Even the ones we prefer to forget. How else can we improve?

Tati looks musingly at all the bubbles floating around.

TATI: And no one can accuse us that all our reviews are written by friends and family members. Sycophants!

Tati’s gaze settles on Tony and his ridiculous clown hair.

TATI: By the way, you need more shampoo.

She holds up an empty shampoo bottle and wiggles it in Tony’s face.

Tony tries to speak, but only bubbles come from his mouth. Each one floats towards Tati and pops, revealing a letter. They spell out…

W. T. F.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

penal revenant of the tellestian age

imprisoned, prowling the floor of my mind
stumbling upon the bones of enigma
i’m slathered with stale plastic wrap
stamped with their foul expiry dates

my flesh, a slab of drab rump steak
it is but merely a showcase for
that stoned butcher with the rusty knife
who’s ready to make the final cut

my zombie heart says, “amen”
but they all say, “no, so be it”
my limbs emboldened beyond the cage
like dreams, their grasp is forced back in

imprisoned, prowling the floor of my mind
tumbling over the stones of stigma
my paunch splits wide, a bottomless trap
and i’m falling right there through red-hot grates

my guts are raw from crying inside
from teardrops frizzling away all hope
a burnt out skin chafed by verities
i’m oozing pus, bleeding oneness out

my slavish soul fronts a lynching bee
my cries for mercy thread between blank brows
only mocking echoes dare answer me
and resort to rend free has been abandoned by thee

imprisoned, prowling the floor of my mind
fumbling within the groans of maligna
i’m getting a wanton, roundhouse slap
from the final set of closing gates

by MADAM MARMOSET, TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

Oops!… We Did It Again (transient)

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2008-2018