Category Archives: BOOKS

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #2

(Dear readers, feel free to click on the image in order to embiggen it. Go on. Clicking things is fun. We promise!)

Guys, we know that, like us, some of you dream of being professional writers. We promise to tell you the details of this process, to share with you our experiences, and together come to our dream.

But we suspect that some of you are eager to try yourselves as literary critics. (It’s such fun to criticize others, don’t you think?) So, for those of you who want to test this… guys, we’re ready to be your Guinea pigs!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

Teti-à-Tête (With Tony) #1

(Dear readers, feel free to click on the image in order to embiggen it. Go on. Clicking things is fun. We promise!)

PS: What on earth is this book we speak of? Click here to find out. And if you’d like to read a sample first then please feel free to go here and here. We think it’s purrr-fect!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2016

a Casserole (Fragment #003)

The garage was open but Henry wasn’t there. I decided to take my time and wait for him. I loitered about, staring at Henry’s gizmos, some of them with bewilderment. What is that? And what is this for?

There was a TV mounted on the wall, the sound muted. A crudely fashioned logo flickered onto the screen. ‘1000 and 1 useful devices for life and death!’ LOL! I took the remote control and turned the sound back up.

Hi! It’s me, Berta ‘Widow’ Black, and my TV show ‘1000 and 1 Useful Devices for Life and Death’. Today I’ll tell you about the casserole, because it’s an exclusively practical and comfy thing. You can use casseroles in many different ways! And I’ll prove this right now.

For example… You’ve eloped to your office closet for a little self pleasure. Suddenly, a knock at the door! It’s your stupid assistant… What should you do? Don’t panic! You should scream ‘CAASSEEEEROOOOLEE!!!!!!’ and run past your numb helper quickly.

Or… Let me say… You get your out-of-warranty brain exchanged for a new one. Your head is light now, and it sags from side to side. It’s because the wind is blowing. A casserole helps! It fills your skull, it protects your empty head from dust and insects… You can put a casserole into any place… into your bra, your underpants, into your wallet… You know your empty spaces perfectly, just fill them!

More… A casserole can make a hard upholstered sofa soft and warm. How nice to sit on a fresh, steaming casserole! If you want to bulldoze a child who has bad eating habits, you should tell him or her about the stalking of casseroles, about this embodiment of atrocity, about these instigators of interracial wars! Be sure, your child will begin to eat voraciously and slurp very loudly…

I could talk about casseroles for hours and hours… but our time is running out, alas. I’m sure, to the question “What do you need for absolute happiness?” you will now be answering, “Except for a casserole – nothing!”

Good bye, my dears! Next time I’ll tell you about using a casserole as a source of power, or as material for making a copy of Lenin in Mausoleum in 1:1 scale! Kisses and hugs! It’s me, your Berta ‘Widow’ Black and my TV show ‘1000 and 1 Useful Devices for Life and Death’. See you soon!

I was spasming with laughter. What a cool show! By the way, she didn’t just talk. She really put on a show! She filled the bras of some volunteers from the audience and even one wallet…

“Hey, Kitsune!”

Henry’s voice interrupted my ponderings. What would I fill with a casserole? His blabbing mouth, of course!

“Henry, don’t call me that!” (to be continued)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2015

a Circus, Part #2 (Fragment #010)

A howitzer! It had begun with a conversation about the howitzer barrel aimed at a banquet! Hmm… Maybe I should say, “It began with our conversation about a circus!” to be more precise. I can’t say that I’m very snarky but I really don’t like circus art. I see many societal blemishes in it. A circus is an ugly show in my opinion! Nasty clowns with inflatable hammers who bash each other and the audience… A rubber girl who squirms like an epileptic with convulsions… A mangy dog with an old abacus – can I REALLY believe that IT is able to count to ten? Honestly? Can you believe in this? Golly! You’re such fools!

I realized that I was shouting only when I noted the expostulatory look from my lovely Chilperic. But I had decided to ignore it. And I’ll still tell him tonight that I’m a big girl, and he can stop parenting me! I must finish my speech!

So, I decided to gather all this rabble and to shoot them out of the howitzer. It’s the only decent performance in the circus! And when I had finished, I was quite pleased with myself.

A strange creature in the corner looked at me… And just then, I began to shiver, out of the blue… And after that chill I heard a stomp from the side corridor.

∼∼∼∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

I stand on the stage and feel like I’m blind. I can see nothing beyond the blinding glare of terrible searchlights. A black gaping abyss is beneath my feet… the silent auditorium.
– ¡Señoras y señores, buenas tardes!
What? What the hell? I’m not only blind… deaf also! Perfect! Just perfect!
– ¡Ceremonia ‘Premio Dardos Award’ a la vista!
Oh, dear me… how could I forget? Hell… HELL! I try to recall where I put my list of nominees… on the table… or on the bookshelf… in the glove compartment?
– ¡Unbolt arenga!
I’ve never cursed myself like I do now… I can’t lay an egg! Not today when I’m so close to my target! Not today! My list of nominees… damn it! I don’t need it! I smile at Prakash Hegade. One step ahead… I close my eyes and start to speak. Without my list. Without any preparation. I’m saying their names by heart. I’m reading my heart list…

21 Shades Of Blue ∼ Dead Cat Comes Back ∼ Field Of Thorns ∼ Henry Game: His/story ∼ In Search Of The Perfect Spring ∼ Johnpoetflanagan ∼ Northern Nevermore ∼ PoeticDepression ∼ PoetryBySkull ∼ Prospermind ∼ Raycabiro 
SpahrPlops ∼ Strings Of Soulfulness ∼ The Poesy Project ∼ UP!::urban Po’E.Tree(s)

I’m happy. I didn’t lay an egg! I smile at the black gaping abyss and…

∼∼∼∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

…and I wake up on a big heap of rotten beetroot and zucchini. (to be continued)

P.S. Ah… sorry, my dear Prakash Hegade for my creativity… Guilty! Now you can arrest me! The last thing that I should tell my heart nominees – “All information and rules regarding the Premio Dardos Award are here.” The end. Take him away!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2015

My special thanks to one and only Cyan Ryan,
a great friend and an excellent editor,
for grammar corrections and improvements this essay!

P.S. And for this incredible video too… thank you, Ry!

a Circus, Part #1 (Fragment #006)

…I woke up on a big heap of rotten beetroot and zucchini. It had a terrible stink… No! It was more than that — a hellish stink! I coughed and tried to open my eyes.

I was in semi-darkness… though a few minutes later my eyes adjusted to it. But, I wasn’t too happy with the picture I saw. And the main reason for this was the goon who was sitting on the wooden box opposite me. He looked sore, and his feathers were shabby and mucky. “He doesn’t look kosher…” Why do such stupid thoughts come to mind at times like this? Is it a self-defense mechanism when confronting madness?

Fuck! Yesterday I had relished the sterling French accent of my Chilperic as he entreated me to be more prudent, to not have common affairs with this hillbilly Henry… I didn’t listen to him, unfortunately… At that moment, the choice of my eyeliner’s color to pair with my evening dress had been more important to me… I was a fool! Stupid chicken! I tried to recall the previous evening. It was still a fog in my memory, just a gray and sticky fog… Suddenly, I recalled.

A howitzer!

It had begun with a conversation about the howitzer barrel aimed at the banquet! (to be continued)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2015

My special thanks to the one and only Cyan Ryan,
a great friend and an excellent editor,
for grammar corrections and improvements this essay!