Another masterpiece by Anton Semenov. Do you like? No?! Damn him… go away!
Cold water flows down my face and I open my eyes. Damn him! Again… My nose inhales fusty air and I understand that this nightmare isn’t just a delirium. It’s real… I take up the wet pen. I write ‘fuck you’ carefully in the moist writing-book. Letters are dancing and I close my eyes, but I can’t close my ears.
– She will write. She can. She’s trying to rebel but I can force her.
…give me the strength to speak and to be silent
give me the strength to be a lamb and a tyrant…
Some might suppose that this is my paradise. I would agree if it were not for one zesty detail… What would you name the paradise that you can’t leave? I call it ‘a gaol’. Do you want to debate this? No? I thought not…
…give me the strength to inflict the death-blow
give me the strength to endure the last throe…
Sometimes I try to hide myself. I squeeze my puny body into the corner behind the door and close my eyes. This trick doesn’t work. She finds me, finds me every time. I still don’t know how she does this. I’m always on the alert yet I’m always taken unawares. She moves like a weasel. She has small sharp teeth and eyes like gimlets…
…give me the strength to hold the king’s crown
give me the force to stay the court clown…
– What are you mumbling? Stop it! You can’t fool me! I know you from the ground up! Write! Stop talking! Write! Write!
…give me the strength to lift up the baton
give me the strength to stop the marathon…
She bends over me. Muses are the most cruel and pitiless creatures.
I curse the first fucking day when I wrote my first poem. I curse the first fucking day when I saw her small sharp teeth and her eyes like gimlets.
I curse the first fucking day when I smiled at her. She…
My Afflation. My Curse. My Muse… I lose my consciousness. Finally… (to be continued)
by TETIANA ALEKSINA
© All rights reserved 2014
unbolt me 
Love a bit of absurdity to keep me untethered in this boring world! some really great writing going on here 🙂
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Thanks so much. It’s nice to know that we’re keeping you untethered from the banality of everything! 😀
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I am the 328th person to like this – what is my prize? 🙂
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Our undying thanks? 😛
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That’ll do me, Tony. Unless – is there a cash alternative? 🙂
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Ah, but I’m as skint as a mint without a pretty wrapper! 😉
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It’s okay – you had me at thanks. 😉
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i could read this 100 times and still want to read it again!
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I agree. There’s so much in there, don’t you think? 🙂
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yes! i love it!
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Go go go! If she doesn’t come, go to her! hahaha (then you can at least write about the whole process of trying to find her).
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What do you think, Tati? Could be an interesting follow-up to this piece… 🙂
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The muse never visits or, when she does, and I channel her, I end up pouring out a load of crap.
When we write we’re essentially letting people into out heads, and with every sentence we write we’re telling the world – hey, this is what I think a good sentence looks like. Then the fear sets in. What if it’s not a good sentence. What if people read it and think I’m an idiot? What if they don’t like my story? Screw that, they probably wont even read my story it’s so bad.
I should give up now. I never should have bothered starting.
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On the contrary, this was well worth reading. I think you’ve given an excellent summation of what the creative process is like. 🙂
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I love this! ‘She’ visits me too. I can totally relate. Thank you
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We’re very pleased that you got so much from this. Thank you for stopping by! 😀
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wow!
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I quite agree! 😉
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I really relate to the cruelty of the muse in this poem. My muse was a real life person my ex-boyfriend, an ex-armed robber, pimp and drug dealer who’d forgotten how long he’d spent in jail. The character inspired by him appears in my trilogy and my blog/memoir so 4 books. Although we split up because he hit me and smashed up the house still it took me a year to leave him as I was so dependant on him. Then because I was in love with the idealised version of him I had created in my novels we got back together again. He behaved very badly just using me for sex but because I was so caught up in his fantasy persona and our past I let him get away with it. It didn’t end until he had a baby with someone else (which he let me find out about on Facebook) and I had a nervous breakdown. Now I’m not in contact with him and I feel much better but I will be very careful before I turn another man into my muse again..
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Tati will be moved when she reads of your personal story, Caroline. Hell, I was moved. It’s such a good thing that you finally broke free of that particular muse and are instead drawing on your own considerable strength to create works that a significant meaning to you… and, indeed, to anybody who has unfortunately been brutalised by someone they once held in high regard. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Skye T. Emerson.
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This is sooooo great! Reminds me of that TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert about our elusive creative genius.
Also, THANKS FOR DROPPING BY MY BLOG!
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You’re quite welcome, Mia! And I think Tati will be very pleased to read those kind words! 🙂
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