Author Archives: Tony Single

SPAM® Sushi #3

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something informative to read?

—Gold

Dear Gold,

We understand your noble indignation. Of 468 published posts and 12 published pages, there can be found 1 video (0.21%), 10 audio posts (2.08%), 14 art posts (2.92%) and 455 text pieces (94.79%). You’re so right! That percentage of video posts is shockingly high!

And you know what else? Literally two days ago, we posted a 2nd video which bumped the aforementioned percentage up by a factor of two! SCANDALOUS! This is completely unacceptable for a blog that shamelessly bills itself as a ‘literary asylum’!

Please be assured that we are now hanging our heads in shame, and shall return to our padded cells without our customary cups of hot cocoa. We need to think long and hard about what we’ve done. There might even be self-flagellation and some disciplinary botty spanking too.

—Tati & Tony (Videographers of Extreme Deceitfulness)

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

Button’s Big Boo

Boo!

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The ghouls and witches and all other manner of beasties are coming out of hibernation to ensure that humanity becomes increasingly perverted by fear and frivolity. They want nothing more than to have a vulgar party on cemetery grounds and to stuff poor, helpless mortal faces with sweets and other freebies. How shocking!

The situation has gotten so bad that even Button is getting himself into trouble. Oh, wait, he’s always getting into trouble… so, no change there then. In this video, in his own adorable way, Button discourses on Wilde, Hitler, Hanukkah and… erm, a certain unmentionable medical procedure. (You have been warned!)

We hope you’ll enjoy our silly little whim, and wish you a happy and spooky Halloween!

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

GUEST POST // Reverend Zombie by Vivian Zems

Reverend Zombie
Dressed in an eerie costume
Using crystal balls
Tells me he can see futures
About me, he tells me truths

So impressed by him
I urge him for more insight
This wonder, this sage
That is when I realise
The Fake’s on my Facebook page!

by VIVIAN ZEMS
© All rights reserved 2017

100 WORD SKITTLE // Jump-Off (Follow-up to Push-Up)

That boob was rather more tangible than my eyes had led me to believe.

No mere shadow, it yielded beneath my boots when I jumped on, and as I catapulted away it sprang back into perky, domed perfection. Actually, I don’t know for a fact that it did. I was rocketing at such speed that I was physically unable to check behind me.

No bother. I was more interested in the giant, fiery nipple in the sky. If I could reach that then the Areola Belt wouldn’t be out of the question. Good thing I was wearing my space suit!

by TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017

Oops!… We Did It Again (otterworldly (don’t let me go))

Erm… hullo there. (This is rather awkward…)

Dear Reader, the stuff that was originally posted here has been removed.

We have done this because said stuff has since been included in one of our published books. We hope you’ll believe us when we say we’re not trying to be stingy. No, this has been done to honour the people who have already spent their hard-earned money on our eBook creations.*

If, however, for some reason you’re unable to buy one of our books, and feel you’ll die without seeing this piece of writing, then please contact us via admin@unbolt.me. We won’t allow our Dear Readers to fade away in the dark. We’ll send you the piece in question, and it will be absolutely free. All you need do is ask.

* Of course, we would be like two happy puppies if you too decided to buy one of our books.

by TETIANA ALEKSINA & TONY SINGLE
© All rights reserved 2017-2018